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  December 2009  |
Från EXTRA LARGE till SMALL skall jag ha bråttom
Friday 18th of December 2009 and I'm back to four holes in my belt. It looks a wee bit stupid with the fifth hole. So I will use the fourth hole for a week or so before I change to the fifth. I was sitting at my desk philosophizing over all the work that piled up in front of me. German Hip   Hop was blasting high on the Richter scale while I was enjoying my morning tea. I had put the guys to job, cleaning accommodation so it would look nice for the upcoming Christmas. I was almost choking on my morning tea when our OS came in to my office.
- What the  ??!! You should be cleaning!
 - GOOD MUSIC!!! He screamed and he threw himself on the floor starting some break dance or whatever they call it. OK, I must admit, I was impressed by his moves.
  At first I was chocked, this was not what I had expected. So I didn't think about my camera  until it was too late. He was spinning on his head and he did all the Break Dance routines as seen on TV.
- OK, enough already. BACK TO WORK!! And when you have time you can teach me a few moves. PLEASE! I went to the galley for a refill of my morning tea.  - YO! ALADDIN! Come take a look!, our Mess Man screamed pointing at my office.
- What the ??!! He is still going on.
 Our Mess Man, could not believe his eyes, and was on the floor laughing and pointing towards my office.
- What the is he doing? Well, at least he kept his clothes on.
I took my tea bucket and I ran in to my office.  - YO! Christmas is just around the corner and we need to get the ship clean before Santa is coming!!!
 He left my office to  continue the cleaning and I could continue my important work. Yeah, you never know when there is  an important e-mail that requires immediate response.
I cranked up the music and it didn't take long before he was back to disturb me in my important work. - Please, can't you see that I'm busy? Finally he left and I could get down to my business.  Arriving to the Kiel Canal tonight and I need to prepare the paper for the discharging in Hamburg tomorrow.
We did the last adjustments to the cargo heating and now it will  hopefully be OK at arrival to Hamburg.
Time turns real quick when you are busy and it was soon time for dinner again. Salmon and fish is a good thing to eat when you are on a diet. While eating we had our Cook hanging in the door way. I tried to get rid of her. - SHOO SHOO!! But nothing helped. She is never going to forget Mess Man's and my cake PRANK on the internet.
After dinner I went back to my cabin to send an e-mail to the Seaman's church in Hamburg. We need snus and quick. Maybe they will be able to help us. Would be lovely with some fresh snus. Our on signing Chief Engineer will bring 2 rolls tomorrow, but two rolls are almost the same as nothing.
 Marzipan for my Teachers. They asked for some snacks when I left and what's better than real Lübeck Marzipan?
Coming down to the crew's day room and they were all preparing them self for arrival. 8°C below ZERO so it was cold. I don't know, seems  like our OS has a thing going for our Cook. He was outside the day room getting undressed.
- Does she look? No, she wasn't and I told her that our OS tried to get her attention. She didn't seem all that interested until I told her that he was getting undressed. Finally she moved out of the arm chair. Well, our OS was a wee bit disappointed. But he never gives up. So when out on deck we spotted our Cook watching us through the window. He was so quick to get out of his winter overall.
 dry and clear from ice and snow. But the rails and fo'c's'le  is covered in ice and snow.
I would have preferred to stay inside, but Marzipan and the opportunity to get a few NIGHT ACTION pictures kept me on deck. Always carry the camera and I'm ready if there is any interesting pictures that I can take. The pictures were nice but when  we entered the lock we passed a closed shop.
Well, disappointed, but there will be another  opportunity. No need for me to stay outside in the cold so I went inside again. A wee bit too cold for me outside so I went up on the bridge. We were soon to leave the lock and enter the Kiel Canal. Nord - Ostsee kanal (former Kaiser Wilhelm Canal)
  Then we got a Pilot and 2 helmsmen and we were just waiting for the lock to open. Our Helmsmen will stay until the other end and leave us in Brunsbüttel. We will change Pilot somewhere after Rendsburg.
Luckily enough it's low water in Hamburg 12:30 tomorrow so we will have the tide against us up the river Elbe and I can have an extra hour of sleep. I will be on the bridge keeping an eye on the Pilot and 2nd Officer while Captain is sleeping. He will come to relieve me one hour before we arrive to the lock in Brunsbüttel so I can sleep until arrival to Hamburg. So of course, I prefer going against the tide instead of having the tide pushing us up river Elbe in 25 knots, making us arrive 8 o'clock in the morning.  Saturday 19th of December 2009 and it�s snowing while we were proceeding towards the  lock in Brunsbüttel. I asked our Pilot if he thought it would be a white Christmas.
- The forecast says above zero next week. But it would not be the first time they are wrong. So maybe. Well, the excitement was slowly turning in to boredom. Yeah, excitement, I have not been passing the Kiel Canal for a few years. But it didn't too long for the boredom to wear off. And our internet, I don't know, but today it had been very poor so I'm still waiting for information about the snus. I drank two buckets of tea so I will most likely find it hard to fall asleep when I leave the bridge in a few hours.  All fast at 11 o'clock and I was down to get my morning tea. The Surveyor was waiting in my office when I came down from the bridge. - Just a sec, I'm going to get a cup of tea. The Surveyor was almost falling of the chair when I returned with my tea cup.  - What the is that??!!
- It's my morning tea. When we finished the paper work the Surveyor went on deck to take samples. They didn't had any people on the jetty so we were going to have to wait until 1 o'clock for them to  come and connect the cargo hose.
Well, I had plenty to do  in my office while waiting for the shore personnel. So I didn't appreciate it  when our Bosun and one of the ABs came to disturb me. But they were  soon showed to the door and I could continue with my business. Well, it was time for lunch so I had to move my arse in to the mess room and my salad and fish with a few drops of olive oil.
We started to discharge at 13:50 and when we were up and running it was time for a coffee break. I went to the galley to get some  tea and I ran in to our Mess Man.
- Have a few Danish! - What the ??!! I'm on diet.
- Our Cook is not around to see you! Well, I resisted the offer, soon time to go home and I hope I don't have to arrive home as a bag with 300 kg  rice with a belt in the middle. But of course, our Chief Engineer was in my office eating and drinking. No, he is not on a diet. But please, do they have to munch on cookies and stuff in my presence?
And snus, our on signing Chief Engineer brought two rolls. By far not enough and the Seaman�s church didn't answer e-mail or phone. We lost our patience and we sent an enquiry to the ship chandler in Göteborg. Can you deliver 50 rolls when we're taking bunker in Göteborg on our way to Rotterdam? 50 rolls, 500 cans, that's more like it! Sunday 20th of December 2009 and we were still discharging when I woke up. Slow rate and we  expect to be ready late tonight. It was snowing all day and deck turned white over the tanks that were empty and thus cold.
Monday 21st of December 2009 and we completed the discharging 35 minutes after midnight. Our  Surveyor had been onboard for while so they started to dip the tanks right on. We were ready with the paper work just after 1 o'clock and Pilot was ordered for 01:30.
So I had time to finish all the papers and I had a fag  with Captain before we left for the bridge.
We started to single up at 01:35 and we left Vopak Jetty #2 at 01:40. I was on the bridge until we passed the bridge. I will soon be back up again so I need as much sleep I can get.    asleep. Tossin' and turning until it was time to get up again. By then we were in the Kiel  Canal and I took my tea mug to the bridge to relieve Captain.
I made my tea and I ate the 4 bananas that I brought to the bridge. Our Pilot and helms men were having  their breakfast when I came to the bridge. It was dark outside and when the sun got up I could see a beautiful landscape covered in snow. But of course, no sunshine. It was a gloomy and grey day and the sky was covered in clouds.
There were plenty deer�s running on the fields and we also saw some big Sea Eagles. But I didn't manage to get them on a picture through the binoculars.    take bunker in Göteborg on our way to Rotterdam. Good, that's the kind of service we're looking for. Captain and I were in a festive mood after the news from our Ship Chandler.
- Smoking is no good. You actually feel like shit while sucking down the poison, I said. - Yeah, but I will try to smoke only 2 per day! - What the !!?? You said that the other day and now you�re in my office 20 times a day wanting us to go smoke.
- Yeah, I hope we get the snus and we will stop. - I have 2 boxes of nico chew in my cabin, I said. - OK, let's give up, he suggested.  - OK, tomorrow so we can have our last coffin nails today.
- OK, tomorrow! Approaching the lock and I called our 2nd Officer on deck to see if our Mess Man was out to help them with the mooring.  - Yes, he is on poop deck with Bosun.
I called Bosun on the radio. - Do you have Mess Man with you? - Yes, he is here with me. - OK, go to the port side so I can take a picture of you. - Where are you? - I will take the picture from the bridge. Our Mess Man will do some training so he knows how to do the  mooring operations and in the lock is a very good opportunity, we will only use two mooring lines aft.
Coming in to the lock and the shop was open.  But we were on the wrong side and I didn't bother going ashore for the Marzipan. And Danish marzipan is better.
Anthon Berg's Marzipan bread is a real winner and only the best is good enough for my Teachers. My Italian EX class mate would like some nice chocolate as well, so the list is getting longer and I don't want to bring some German bullshit back home.
 shop so they really had to run back. We left the lock as soon as they sat foot on deck again.
We expect to arrive to Kaliningrad Pilot station tomorrow evening so I spent the afternoon preparing my paper work. And I kept our Bosun busy preparing for the change of flag in January. It looks like we will make two trips between Svetly and Rotterdam and I guess the flag change will take place after these two trips. Well, today it's hopefully our last day smoking and it will be nice to give up that bullshit. I really hope that the Ship Chandler manage to send out the snus in Göteborg, and if he fails I hope I can get by with the nico chew.
Tuesday 22nd of December 2009 and I woke up at 6 o'clock, after 11 hours of sleep. Yeah, one port stay and your circadian rhythm is way off track. I was dead tired yesterday and I went to bed at 7 o'clock waking up at 6. NICE! I went down to the galley for my morning tea at 8 o'clock. I ran in to Captain.  - Time for a fag! He said.
- Oh no! Today we will give up! I ran in to him again a few minutes later. - You are really dying  for a  coffin nail, he said.
 - Oh no! Today we will give up!
No cigarette and honestly, I didn't feel for it. Snus is enough and if we don't get the snus in Göteborg I have nico chew to last for a few days. Well, I went to see our Cook to find out what she had for lunch today. And I was welcome in to the kitchen as always.   - GET OUT!!!
- Nice to see you to! What's for lunch?  - SHUT THE F@CK UP!!!
I asked her if she was going to make some toffee for the Christmas.
- You can do it this afternoon, she said. - OK, what are the sizes of the toffee moulds? I think we need some very big toffee moulds. I searched the kitchen for our toffee moulds and when I found them I was not happy. - This must be the smallest toffee moulds I ever seen!
 - Hmm, I have to find something better (bigger)
I went to get a coffee cup and a wee bit bigger coffee cup.  - Which one do you like best?
- GET OUT!!!
On the way out I discovered a new Christmas decoration hanging in the door way to the kitchen, a Santa.  Before there was a Christmas ball hanging in the door way.
- What happened to the Christmas ball? I asked. - You were using it as a  sand bag!! Our Cook said.
- What the !!?? Should I have used it as a sand bag?
OK, maybe I had practice some of my latest martial art  technique on the darn Christmas ball. Have to keep myself in shape. Not only do the girls like you with a V-shaped torso, they also appreciate  some Steven Segal styled oriental mystique to go with the V-shaped torso.
We dropped anchor on Kaliningrad Roads at 17:10 ST, 18:10 LT. We had just dropped our anchor when they called us on the radio. - Ek-River, heave up you anchor and proceed to the Pilot station. - Motherf@ckers! We arrived and they told us to drop anchor due to poor visibility. Suddenly they want us to heave up our anchor and we could not detect any improvement regarding the visibility. I was surprised, well, not surprised. But I didn't expect to find the Kaliningradskiy Morskoy Kanal covered in ice when I came on the bridge.    in the port. Unnecessary, the ice was just about 10 cm thick and we have ice class 1A SUPER. But I guess the tug boats charge us per hour so they are playing around getting paid.
There was ice between us and the jetty and we had to  wait for the tug boats while they were trying to clear the ice. We were running on our spring forwards while the tug boats were working between us and the jetty.
Again, this little ice would not have been any problem for us. The mooring operation took a wee bit longer than expected and was nice to leave the bridge when we finally had all fast at Lukoil Jetty #1.
 before going to my office. Mess Man had told me that our Cook had made a real toffee for me.
I searched the stores and I found the toffee, and YES! She had made a special Aladdin toffee. I had heard a rumour about the toffee so I was not all that surprised. But I will not tell who told me because then the wrath of our Cook will come down hard on him. I got a bucket of tea in the galley and I went to my office. Agent, Custom and Immigration came onboard and there have been big changes since I was here last time. It looks more like Africa and the Custom spent hours counting the medicine and cigarettes while asking for Christmas gifts. And they are not even embarrassed when they walk around begging. “Can I have this? Can I have that?”
Wednesday 23rd of December 2009 and we were loading when I came down to the CCR. We started  to load 10 minutes after midnight and we expect to be ready in the afternoon 10°C below ZWEO has turned in to +2° and rain.
And coming to the galley to get my morning tea as  usual. And as usual I spotted our OS in the kitchen talking with our Cook. I sneaked up on them with my camera to document the moment.
I was soon back in my office with a mug of tea. Loading with a rate of between 1300 and 1400 m³/h and we expect to be ready around 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Good, I don't want to stay around longer than necessary. Gloom and grey as long as you can see.   after a lot of confusion we were told it was 9, 6m corrected for the actual water level. The water level was 10 cm below normal so we could load to max 9, 5m. So I went down on the jetty to check our draft before lunch. We compared with the computer and it was almost the same, good to know, we can see the draft in the computer in the CCR. But of course, I will take one more visual check before we're ready.
According to my calculations we will end up with a draft of 9, 39m even keel when we're ready. So if we're coming close to 9, 5m we have to be on the jetty when we're completing the loading. Never trust any computers or machinery when you have your own eyes. At 1 o'clock we gave 1 hour notice to the terminal. We asked for the water level and it was still 10 cm below. I went to the galley for a bucket of tea. Our Mess Man was in the galley. He had been on e all day long about all the candy and cookies in the fridge.  - Psst. Hey, Aladdin! Let's go have some cookies! There are plenty and our Cook is not here now.
- I'm on diet!
 - Shh, I won't tell. Come here!
I followed him to the store rooms and he was nervous.  - Don't put this on the internet. She will read it and she will be very angry!!!
He can't forget last time our cook read about his adventure on the internet. For sure, he wasn't  expecting our Cook to find out about the cake business a week  or so ago. Well that's the wonders of internet.
Well, now he is worried every time he is up to some mischief. Never know if there is someone pulling his ears when he and our Cook start to work at 6 or 7 o'clock in the morning. Well, never mind, he is always happy, even if  someone pulls him in the ear 6 o'clock in the morning. But this is the way some people are, always happy. And I can't help feeling envy, would be nice to always be happy and laughing.
We completed loading at 13:50 ST and our Surveyor took samples while they disconnected our cargo hose. For me it was waiting, we don't have the final density and they expect it to take 1 or 2 hours. Well, while waiting I had time for a coffin nail with Captain. I had also the time to  reject Mess Man's offer to have some cake for my afternoon tea.
- Psst, have a piece of cake. Our Cook is not around.
 - What the ??!! I'M STILL ON DIET!!
We also had time to check our SAAB radar against the UTI and when we were ready the Surveyor came onboard with the final density and paper work. And of course, our Agent came onboard with the Custom and Immigration and the same mind numbing activity. To  count the medicine pill by pill. I mean, who the f@ck does a job like this. They are really hoping to find a missing pill so they can have a carton of coffin nails or a soda water. I was in the slop chest with the guy and he started to ask for Christmas gifts.
- These are for me boys and not for you! Later on he complained that I was very stingy. Well, we remember the Surveyors and my Diet Drinks in Mexico. They took my last diet drink, but they were soon on the way ashore to buy new diet drinks for me. Pilot was ordered for 18:30 and Agent, Immigration and beggars left the ship 15 minutes past 1800. Now we have 3 days to Rotterdam. So let's see if we can heat the cargo to +10°C until then, loaded temperature was 11°C below zero so we have to raise the temp with 21°. Well, even though I don't like Christmas I take this opportunity to wish you a happy Christmas!!  
Just go ahead, enjoy a Christmas song while you wait for the next update
Christmas Eve 2009 and it was nice to wake up with Russia behind us. Next stop will be on  Göteborg Roads tomorrow for snus. Well, we will take bunker as well. We got confirmation  that the snus is onboard the bunker boat already.
Snus, that's my best Christmas gift. The good news turned my already good mood in to a better mood.  So why not let some of all this good mood rub off a bit. So I stepped in to the kitchen and I gave our  OS to the Cook as a Christmas gift.
- He is yours for the full day! Use him as you please! I finished my Tomtegröt (with plenty cinnamon and sugar) that I had for breakfast. And I was surprised when I found our OS decorating the Christmas tree with chocolate. - What the is this!!?? Get your arse out in the kitchen!!!
I went to the kitchen to see our Cook. - I give you the “HEMAN OF THE YEAR” and you only have him to decorate a stupid tree!!
It didn't took him long to get out of his clothes and our Cook was delirious with excitement when he wore nothing but an apron. THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!
Well, I left the kitchen, even though its Christmas there is plenty to do in my office. I have tea  to drink and I have music that I have to listen to, so I will be  able to keep myself busy. But not more busy than I could find the time to go check out the progress in the kitchen.
 And things were on the right track in the kitchen. Seems like the first awkwardness had worn off. Can't say that I was happy about it as this wasn't exactly something I wanted to see. Please, keep your private life to your self!
  Our OS and Cook could not let go of each other. I had to tell them that they had work to do as well. Not only fooling around.
  - Or I will send you back out on deck!!
They were so cute running around with chocolate looking each other deep in the eyes. Well, I could not stand it so I returned to my office. I prepared our Pump Man for the annual test of our cargo pumps so we know how to do it tomorrow morning. Manometers stand-by on 6 Port so I hope we will be ready before arriving to Göteborg anchorage tomorrow. It didn't take long before I grew tired of my office. OK, let's go see how things are working out for our  “LOVE BIRDS” in the kitchen. And I'll be darned, now it was a totally different tune.
Our Cook was really putting our OS in work. He had to run around while our Cook had the command   from the middle of the kitchen. I felt a little guilty and a wee bit sorry for the OS. Yeah, I have a responsibility for his wellbeing even if he is the Christmas gift of the day. As I said to the OS.
- Now you know what it will be like getting married to her. - No problem! - Well, maybe you're better off single! I also discovered that our Cook was making Brunkål. - I make it for you! You are the only one eating Brunkål. - Of course, I'm from Skåne. 
- I never done Brunkål before, maybe you can taste it? - What the will that taste like? I have my mouth full of toffee! But I'm sure it tastes good.
- How the can you know it's good without tasting.
- It's a nice colour and that�s it. How can you fail making Brunkål? - I never done it before! - It's all about the colour on the cabbage and it looks just fine.  Later on in the afternoon I was sitting in my office  minding my own business. As always plenty to do so I was quite annoyed by the commotion from the day room so I went to investigate. Well, as always when our OS is present there is a hullabaloo going on.
I don't know why, but it seems like our OS has a hard time to keep his clothes on when there is a  camera nearby. The crew were busy preparing our day room for Christmas dinner and they were taking picture.
When I arrived from my office our OS was half naked and the crew was taking pictures screaming “attaboy!!” But they were not very happy to discover that our OS kept his underwear on. One of the ABs  started to scream.
 - TAKE OFF YOUR UNDERWEAR!!
I was surprised, he took of his underwear but the AB continued. - TAKE OFF YOUR UNDERWEAR!!
- What the ??!! He is wearing double underwear!
Christmas and Christmas food. I can't stand Christmas and the food, well, Brunkål is the only thing I eat. There is always too  much food and who is going to eat all this food. But this is a tradition, hundred years old. Back then people could only afford to eat once a year, at Christmas. And they had to (pre refrigerator era) prepared all the food and eat it before it turned bad.
So they were eating Christmas food until New Year's Eve and DAMN the guy trying to change this. So it's Christmas or DIE!! And the Christmas food is lasting until New Year's Eve. - FER F@CK'S SAKE!! It's 2009 and we have electricity and the Swedish invention REFRIGERATOR! - And what the is wrong with a TUNA SURPRISE?
Of course, I had a wee bit too much to eat. But not that much, I guess the last few weeks on the  “Best looking guy in town '09” diet had made me feel full quicker than normal. I had 3 plates, the last plate with Tomtegröt was totally unnecessary. I was full,  so I had to force it down, Christmas or DIE! And to make things worse, someone tricked me in to the smoke room.  - Hmm, I guess I wasn't all that hard to deceive.
I returned to my cabin for a quick rest and when I came down  there was only one Christmas gift left under the tree, and that was my Christmas gift. Our Cook  handed it over to me and it was a pleasant surprise. An electric tea kettle. At least a gift I can find the use for. Books and clothes are pretty worth less as gifts. I think we're better off buying our own books. Well, never mind, I have survived yet another Christmas and I hope it's hundreds of years until the next one.
Christmas Day 2009 and we had a few hours to go to Göteborg when I woke up. The crew started  the day by removing the blinds from the stripping line under the cargo pipe. So we can blow the lines when we finish discharging in Rotterdam.
Our Pump Man and I should do the annual pump test. Cargo pumps in cargo tanks 6P/S worked just fine. But it was a different story with the  rest of the pumps. Impossible to start the pumps and it must be the fuel oil in the bottom of the tanks.
Loading ice cold (-11°C) Gas Condensate on top of the fuel oil must have turned the fuel oil in to rock hard asphalt. Well, we increased the temp on the heating oil to 126°C and we  started to heat the tanks one by one. So hopefully the fuel oil will be pumpable.
We dropped anchor on Göteborg's roads around 13:30 and we had to wait for the bunker barge for an hour or so. When they arrived I was on deck first thing to see if they had our snus. I meet the Chief Officer with a box in his hand. And I remember thinking for myself: - Darn small box. I hope they sent 50 rolls and not 50 cans. - Hey!, I have two more boxes for you!  - Thank God!!
I was in a good mood and my mood got even better when the Norwegian Chief Officer told me that he was only paying 7,5% in tax. - Good, we will change to Norwegian flag in 2 weeks or so.
 No need to eat old bread and drinking water on the road sides anymore. Maybe I can have the flamboyant life style I always dreamt about. At least I should be able to afford to have  a drink Saturday night  if I wish to. Paying 48% tax is a killer for your valet.
Well, I guess I will find out exactly how much tax I'm going to have to pay soon. Until then no use worry. We finished the bunkering around 6 o'clock in the evening and I was on the bridge watching the bunker barge Vadero Highlander when she left us. Yeah, Väderö Tankers is a well known shipping company. I was there some 15 years ago and they still owe me money. Yeah, the owner told me to call the trade  union if I wanted my money.
- What? If I'm ever going to work for them again? - YEAH, FAT CHANCE!! 
But they are always looking for people. - Hmm, I wonder why?
 OK, Stig. Denna är för dig. Du tjatade ju alltid om honungen på Väderö Tankers.
- Hmm, it must have been some 15 years ago I was working for them. I asked the owner if we could get some honey and rosehip soup onboard.
- WOW!! WHAT A GREAT IDEA! THE BEST EVER!! He disappeared ashore to buy the stuff. Well, when he came back he told me that they had run out of honey and rosehip soup. RUNNING OUT OF HONEY!! I never heard so much crap before. But of course, we saved a few dollars. Well, yet another day has come to an end. Did you notice that there wasn't one single picture of our OS today? So I guess he have worked on his “GET OUT OF HIS CLOTHES” issue. - Hmm, or maybe he has been too busy on deck today.
Well when thinking about it. He told me he was sad today. Broken heart?  What do I know?
Boxing Day 2009 and we started the day by trying to run our pumps. Well, after my morning tea  that is. Full blast on the cargo heating during the night and I expect us to get the pumps running today. Hopefully!!
I had to start the pumps a few times before the heavy fuel oil was sucked up the pipe and we got suction on the gas condensate. So we had all pumps up and running in the afternoon. Well, except 2 Stb. We got a little pressure at the discharge valve as with the  other pumps. But 2 Stb requires a very long time before we can reset the pump after tripping.
So this is how I spent my day, listening to music, drinking tea and kickin' the deck crew's arses. Well, I had to throw a glimpse at the computer screens every now and then. But multi tasking is no  problem. I can drink tea and monitor monitors while listening to the music. Of course the crew was green of envy when they could hear  my music blasting high in the office. They have to be on deck in the wind and rain. Well, having a good time comes with a responsibility.
And of course, when you are busy time turns quick and it was soon time for dinner  again. When I finished I went to the crew's mess room. Our OS was the last guy eating, stretching his  meal trying to get a few minutes together with our Cook when she comes to eat.
Our Mess Man was setting the table for our Cook and I could not help myself, I just had to take a picture. - Very close to the OS, he said. - That's the spirit! We have to help getting things in motion here! 
And when our  Cook came things turned nasty pretty quick.  Pure ghastliness!!
- Fer f@cks sake! People are eating here! - There should be a law against stuff like this! I had to retreat to my cabin, chocked. Later on in the evening I went down to my office just to run the pumps one more time. Have to make sure the pump doesn�t get stuck again so we have to spend the whole day with the pumps tomorrow again. We have had it with the pump excitement for years to come. Sunday 27th of December 2009 and we managed to get the last pump to start in the morning. Good, we will be at Rotterdam Pilot station around 12 o'clock. Pilot in the middle of the lunch. OK, I went to the kitchen and I got a can of tuna. Yeah, soon time to go home and I don't want to arrive home as  Porky the Sailor. So I better get my “Best looking guy in town '09 ” diet back on track. And a can of tuna together with 2 kiwi fruits is a real treat. It's also healthy so I felt like a million when I got to the bridge.
Pilot onboard at 12:15. I was informed that it was about  1 hour to the jetty.
- Good, I will just go down and take cake of some stuff. I went in to check on stuff in the mess room. Salmon for lunch! And salmon is the original diet food so I went to get a plate. Didn't take long before our Cook discovered me.  - ARE YOU GOBBLING DOWN FOOD AGAIN!?
- But this is only healthy salmon! - What about the sauce? - How healthy can it be? Dill, mustard and olive oil. - This is no olive oil. That's unhealthy fat. - SO WHY THE F@CK DO YOU SABOTAGE THE SAUCE?
I told her about my theory on her getting more and more sullen the smaller I get. - You should be more like me and our Mess man, always happy.  I followed her to the crew's mess room where she had her lunch with Mess Man and the AB.
- You should work on your problem to take other peoples success!! Yeah, I went on and on until she closed the door. No problem, I just  went to the other door. I was hanging in the door way with my salmon and I didn't have a chance to open my mouth until she slammed the door in my face.
No problem! I took my f@cking salmon and I went on deck. Eating my salmon while looking at our Cook eating through the window. We had all fast at BP terminal 10 minutes past 2 o'clock in the afternoon. The surveyor was onboard soon after and a few minutes  later the Swedish seaman's service was onboard with news paper and ginger bread. That's what I call service, in Hamburg they did not even bother to answer. Well, we have enough snus onboard now, so no worries.
Paper work and we could finally start to discharge at  16:55. It took us a few minutes to get the discharging up and running. So I was a few minutes late for my dinner, chicken and salad. And of course, our Cook was hanging over me as usually. She doesn�t even bother trying to hide  any longer.
- And you're eating a ton as usually! - Don't you dare tell me that chicken is unhealthy! I escaped  to my office. Yeah, as always Chief Officer is busy. Obviously our Cook doesn�t understand the meaning of a “HEAVY WORK LOAD”. She was following me like my shadow.
 - Blah-blah... Worst diet ever... Blah-blah... Bigger by the day... Blah-Blah-Bla...
 - Enough already! Don't disturb me, I'm very busy!
- Only time you're busy is when you eat!  - OK, now I had it. Go make a cake or something!
While our Cook was busy pestering me out HKF guy came back to pick up our Fitter. So in order to be polite and to represent the company I followed him to the galley offering him coffee. And of course, while in the galley I took the opportunity to have a kiwi. Our Cook is never far away. - Are you stuffing you face again Porky?  - ENOUGH ALREADY!!
 This was embarrassing, our guy from HKF just gaped at our Cook. Yeah, I understand him and it was a wee bit embarrassing so I had to try making an excuse for her behaviour.
- This is the first time the servants are disturbing us like this. Never happened before! And our Cook, of course, she could not sense the awkwardness in the air so she just went on and on about my diet. - You should see his mediocre try to slim himself. - What the ??!! Before I weight a cubic ton and look at me now. Is it possible to become more handsome?
I took of my belt and I showed our HKF guy how big my trousers had became. Our Cook threw herself on the floor  laughing.
- Impressive! Our HKF guy exclaimed.
- Of course, he made his trousers from an f@cking marquee!
 But our Cook, who has a problem taking my success the right way just went on and on.  By now she was crying in laughter.
 - Porky is getting bigger by the day!
Our HKF guy was in chock, he had never seen something like it before. I explained to him the our Cook was green of envy because I had the will power  and self discipline to go through the “Best looking guy in town '09” diet. He looked very puzzled when our Cook was down on the floor laughing.
Well, what to say. I left for my cabin and my Thai books. I will read  for a while in my bed and we expect to have our first tanks ready around 11 o'clock tonight.
I want to check the bottom of the tanks when they are empty. Interesting to see if we have any of the Heavy Fuel Oil or any wax from this cargo left in the cargo tanks. Hopefully not and they will be totally empty when we're finished. The cleaning will be much easier.
I had just opened my books when they called from the CCR.   - I have a question about the ballast....
 - I will be down in a jiff!
While in the CCR our Surveyor returned with my diet drinks. Very good, this will be a festive evening. I only have had 1 (ONE) single bottle of diet drink since I joined the ship. Usually I drink, well, almost a case per day. So I think I have deserved a bottle or two of the diet stuff. But I'm giving up the diet drink. Well, at least that was my  plan. And I had also planned to give up smoking, but a diet drink is always tasting better together with a  coffin nail.
Well, anyway, I brought my diet drinks to my cabin and I rubbed my hair with the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF”. Third time today and, it might be my imagination, but I think I have detected some new hair. And I gave up using the stuff as shampoo a few days ago. I rub it in without the use of water and I hope this will boost the effect of the darn thing. And the best part, I'm not dependent on the access to water. Even if I'm in the middle of the desert I can bring out my “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” bottle for a quick rub. Monday 28th of December 2009 and I felt like shit when I went out of bed. I didn't had any  proper sleep during the night thanks to my diet drink. So I brought 2 bottles to my office when I went down after my shower. I gave one bottle to our OS and one was meant for someone else. But before I had a chance to give it away I had  opened the darn bottle.
So I was in my office sipping on a glass of diet drinks when we completed loading 10 minutes after 9 o'clock. Pilot was ordered for 11 o'clock and I was ready with the paper work just after 10 o'clock. So I  had a little time to prepare the paper work for our next voyage. Our crew prepared deck for tank cleaning and ventilation. So we will be ready to start the ventilation right after departure.
I ran in to our Mess Man in my cabin when I was on the  way to the bridge.
- Hey! Have a bottle of diet drink! - No thanks! I'm on a diet! - This is diet drink, I explained. He looked at the label. - Yeah, 0 calories. - And millions of vitamin, I added. So now I managed to get rid of two of my bottles, 12 to go. OK, coming down from the bridge after departure and I got a bottle from my cabin  to my office. So it's actually only 11 bottles to go. And it really didn't taste any good, Ramlösa, the best soda water in the world is way better.
We will start flushing the bottom of the cargo tanks as soon as we have left the Pilot. Then we will ventilate until we have less than 10% LEL in the tanks so we can start cleaning with our  washing machines.
We had time for lunch  before it was time for the pilot to leave and I was in the mess room munching on  my salad when our Mess Man came by. He had a plate of hamburgers in his hand and he approached me. - Have a few hamburgers. - Are you out of your mind? I had to run  away taking cover in my office  where I had plenty of important paper work to do.
After lunch we started to flush our tanks. well, just to exchange the ROB in the wells for water. If we have cargo in the tanks it's pretty useless  to ventilate. At least it will take a very long time to get them gas free.
I took seat in the CCR and I had my best guys on deck moving the hoses from drop line to drop line. I start/ stop the pumps  and I open/ close the valves from the computer screen in the CCR so I need my best guys to open and close the water to the tanks on deck.
So I have everything under control from the CCR. Music and tea. Well, today it was diet drink and music while operating  the valves and pumps. Every now and then I go on deck to take a picture or two of the guys in work. And of course, the hard working crew on deck, in rain and wind is thinking  that Chief Officer is just having a good time onboard. - OH!! Here comes the tourist with his camera again! - Responsibility! It comes with responsibility! Later on in the afternoon I was sitting and sipping a glass of diet drink with our Mess Man. He told me that my “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” was good. - ??!!?? What do you know about my hair stuff. Obviously he had seen my bottle when he does his daily clean up of my cabin. - Yeah, you have new hair growing out. - WHAT? ARE YOU SURE?
I could not believe my ears. I was so happy until he said that I had some long hairs on my head. Well, my  last hair cut is the explanation for the long hairs. I did it myself and I have missed a few spots here and there.
- I need some GOOD stuff, he told me. He was very interested in my “MAGIC HAIR STUFF”. - Is it some herbs from Thailand? - Yeah, it's hocus-pocus and some secret Scooby Doo  ingredients.
I promised him to bring 4 bottles to Manila in February. I told him that it would set him back by 1500 Pesos, peanuts! Now it was him jumping up and down in the sofa. He was beaming of joy. - THANK YOU! VERY CHEAP!
- And you have to buy Coconut oil. - Yeah, we have plenty coconut oil on the Philippines. It's very good for the skin. He asked how long I have been using the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” and he went crazy when I told him “a few weeks” - VERY GOOD STUFF!
He had hard to believe that I had obtained this remarkable result in just a few weeks. He turned delirious of joy when I confirmed that I would bring 4 bottles  for him when I'm going to Manila in February. I was afraid that he would build a shrine and start a new religion around my name.
- 4 bottles will last you a year. - Very good! - But you won�t be able to see any difference before we're going to the Forth. - It's a shame! A few years ago Bangkok Post asked a few thousand girls what they would do if their husband/ boyfriend started to lose their hair. I don't remember the exact figures. But something like 50% of the polled girls would leave her husband/ boyfriend. 35% of the polled girls would get a lover and when we take away all the girls refusing to answer it just leaves a few % that wouldn't give a “DARN”. Interesting, finding a hair on your pillow in the morning and your alone. But what I find strange is that they would leave you (most of them) when you grow bald. But they can hang round for years with some looser alcoholic beating them up every day. Explain that if you can. Well, anyway, I sent an order for 4 bottles of the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” to my Italian EX class mate. His business is picking up. Tuesday 29th of December 2009 and I woke up to yet another gorgeous day. We were steaming  North outside the Danish West Coast. Sunshine and this is the second day with beautiful  weather. The sea looks like a windmill pond. And this is the North Sea in the middle of the winter. I can't remember last time we had 2 days with gorgeous weather in the middle of the winter.
I started my day with tea in my office. Our Pump Man and I walked through the tank cleaning step by step in my office before he left for the deck. When I finished my tea (and 2 slices of black and healthy bread) I took seat in front of the computer and we started the tank cleaning. Bottom flush yesterday and the crew have ventilated the tanks during the night.  We have 4,5% LEL in the tanks and anything less than 10% LEL is good.
- HEY HEY!! What the is this % LEL?
- Well, let me explain. OK, I think its better that we throw in one of the blue boxes. I know at least that J appreciate them
- Very pedagogic. We started in cargo tanks 1 port and starboard, we have 2 machines in each tank. I told Pump Man yesterday to put them on PROGRAM 1 SLOW and the pitch 2° and going down from 22° to 0°. The slow program means that the machine makes 1 RPM and pitch 2° means that the  nozzle on the machine change 2° when the machine has turned 360°.
And the machine can go from 180° to 0°. Well, when it reaches 0° it continues to 45° and then it goes back to 0° and back up to 180°. 180 is pointing straight up under deck and 0  means straight up and down.
So now it's easy to calculate that we washed 10 minutes in every tank. 22° going down to 0 with 1 RPM and pitch 2°. 22°/2° is 10 revolutions and that takes 10 minutes. Not exactly any rocket science. Well, anyway, we did tank pair by tank pair and it took us just a wee bit more than an hour to complete the cleaning. Now the crew had to start the ventilation again. Of course I was on deck with my camera. And our OS, well, I guess I should have got used by now. But some things you just never get used to.
 crew had to move our fans to 2 Port and 3 Port/ Starboard for 4 to 5 hours of forced ventilation.
I had some excellent Trip Hop blasting high on the Richter scale in my office, so I was in a hurry back in when I was ready with the gas measurements. There was also a glass of diet drink waiting for me on my desk. I have 7 bottles left, and today I have not given away one single bottle. After my 6th bottle it started to taste good again. - Hmm, maybe I'm better off giving away the rest of my bottles before I'm getting hooked again.
 Well, to get straight back to my office was not to think about. The crew wanted a group hug before they started to blow our cargo lines. And who am I to say no? It's cold outside and a hug, is there a better way to show your appreciation. The crew won�t take no for an answer.
 will measure gas in 2 Starboard and 3 Port / Starboard after dinner and if the tanks are gas free the crew can move the fans to 4 Port/ Starboard and 5 Starboard.
While the crew were busy on deck I was in my office preparing all the paper work for tomorrows loading of Low Sulphur Fuel Oil in Fredericia, Denmark. We're expecting bad weather during the night but the horizon turned black in the afternoon. It didn't take long before visibility was reduced to zero due to heavy snow fall.  But no wind and that�s most important.
It's not very fun when the ship is rolling, but a little snow is no problem as long as I can stay inside. But I felt sorry for our crew on deck. Well, the snow stopped falling after a while and the sky cleared up enough so I could get a few pictures of the crew working on deck. I took the pictures from the comfort in their changing room. I don't know what happened, but the love isn't exactly sparking  in the  KITCHEN area any more. Our OS always talked about getting married with our Cook.  But today he asked if I could recommend a Thai girl friend for him.
- Do you know anyone? - Why don't you try Date in Asia? - I will go visit you for some fun in Bangkok on my next holiday.  - You are welcome, but I think it will be more party  than search for romance when you are coming to Bangkok, I said.
- But try Date in Asia. It's not like its any fierce competition. - Well, I don't know....  - You have nothing to lose! You only have to compete with millions of Farmer Johns, 55++ making 10000 per annum decided to take the chance of meeting a beautiful 20 year old Thai girl. YEAH, FAT CHANCE THAT WILL WORK!! He can afford to go to Thailand every third year or so, at best. And one more thing, if you're looking for romance don't tell them that you know me.  They will treat you like the plague and runaway!
After dinner it was time to go measure for gas in our cargo tanks. By now the tank deck was covered in ice so it was very hard to walk without slipping. The tanks were gas free so the  crew could move the fans. Next move will be done at midnight and they can turn off the fans at 6 o'clock tomorrow morning. We will be ready in time, ETA to the Pilot station at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning and it's about 3 hours to Fredericia from the Pilot station. On the way in from deck I discovered Captain in his office. I knocked on the window and he was surprised to see Aladdin outside his window.  - Peek-a-boo!
Wednesday 30th of December 2009 and I started my day with a cancer stick and a glass of  diet drink. I really need to give up this diet drink bull shit. Then I had my shower before leaving for my office.
They had speeded up yesterday night in order to dodge the expected bad weather, so we will be at the Pilot station at 9 o'clock instead of 10. well, I had to check the tanks for gas and we found 5 tanks with a little gas. We gave the tanks a quick blast with our fans and we were gas free at arrival. We had first line ashore at 11:40 and all fast at Shell Terminal, jetty 42 at 12:25. I had been  busy all morning with cargo calculations. We will only load 12,500 MT here and we will only discharge 2500 MT in Göteborg. Then we will load 5600 MT on top in Göteborg, evenly spread in all tanks.
So I will load all thanks until 67,4% here and discharge to 53% in all tanks in Göteborg. Then we will fill up to 84,1% again and discharge everything in Le, Havre, France. Well, we started by discharging our slop and when the hose were disconnected we shifted the ship 3 meters  astern so we could connect the loading arm. Our deck Cadet and OS left for shore while we were discharging our slop.
Seems like things are back to normal in the kitchen  department again. Our Cook and OS seem to be bosom  friends again. Our OS was on the way ashore and he stopped outside my office. He tried to take of his clothes when our cook came running. - DON'T!! KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON!!!
He looked a little crestfallen but he kept his trousers on. Well, he was ready to leave but our Cook wasn't letting him go  that easy. She had like hundreds of different instructions and her admonitory speech lasted forever.
- You must wear a bonnet!!
- But I... - You must wear a bonnet!!
- Bu.... - You must wear a warm parka!!
- But I... - Don't sit down on anything cold!!
- But I... - DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!!
- But I... - Don't spend your money on crap!!
 - OK OK, enough already!!!
I was watching all this from my office and just when I  thought our OS was ready to join our deck Cadet and leave the ship our Cook dragged the OS to the galley. Obviously there was more to come. I threw myself out of my office following them to  the galley with my camera. 
The lecture continued and I didn�t bother to stay listening to the drivel. I returned to my office and a few minutes later our OS came. Our Cook was just one step behind giving a few last minute advices. We finished discharging our slop at 16:00 and we shifted the ship  between 16:40 and 16:45. Finally, at 17:30 we started to load the Low Sulphur Fuel Oil. We expect to be ready tomorrow morning if they can give us the rate we're asking for.
Our deck Cadet and OS were back before dinner so I went  to the kitchen to see what our OS had bought.
- Flowers. And Anthon Berg Marzipan. I took the bag of Anthon Berg Marzipan. - You cannot handle all this Marzipan, I said. Our Cook got upset and I thought that I'm better off to get the f@ck out of the kitchen. I left the kitchen and our Cook took off after me in to the crew's  mess room.
- Give me the Marzipan. - When I know you can handle it I will give it to you. I left for my office and our Cook followed me. I gave her the bag with Marzipan and she gave me a package of Marzipan.  - No thanks, you know I'm on diet.
After some nagging I took the Marzipan and I just turned around 180° and I gave it to our 2nd Officer. - Here, enjoy! I'm on diet. Our Cook was soon back in the door way. - You wanted marzipan. I have a few loafs of marzipan in the fridge. Do you want them?  - No thanks!
- You were looking for marzipan for your girls. - What the ??!! How do you know that?
 - How do you think, stupid!
- Well, let's go see what you have in your refrigerator.  We went to her fridge and it turned out to be pure marzipan, several kilos of it. I cannot give  away this. Imagine me bringing 5kg of Marzipan to my Teachers. They will think that I'm crazy.
 No, of course, it has to be marzipan with style and class. I can buy it at the airport or if I will come to Sweden before going home. Otherwise a few boxes of chocolate will be fine.
Well, coming back to the CCR and our 2nd Officer had not touched the fine Anthon Berg Marzipan.  Turned out that he didn't eat sweets so I went in to the crew's mess room to give it back to our Cook.
- I gave it to you! You can't give it back! I had to put the darn marzipan in my own pocket. A little set back. When we had our loading up and running I went o check out our galley. Maybe there is a fruit. I could hear our Cook talking and I thought she was talking for herself. - I never got flowers before.... - What the ??!! Has she turned crazy?
 I went in to investigate. Well, obviously our OS has got a wee bit more sophisticated. Now he is using the door from poop deck,  instead of hanging in the doorway between the galley and the kitchen where it�s easy for me to find him.
- What are you doing here? There is plenty to do on deck! He was quick to disappear when I came in to the kitchen. Well, at least I know why I haven�t seen him in the kitchen lately. He is hanging in the back door were no one sees him. But now I know where to look and I will keep my eyes out.
Next call was around 7 o'clock and I was down n the CCR after a quick shower. We stopped at  12500MT and I printed a preliminary ullage report for our Surveyor.
- I will be back when I get the final density. - OK, I will go back to bed. I went back to bed and it was hard to fall asleep even though I was dead tired. But I guess I got an hour of sleep before they called me at 09:40 again. Yet another quick shower and I went down to the Surveyor in my office. The Surveyor was impressed by my ability to speak Danish. - Så du snakker Dansk!! - Selvfølgelig Well, my Danish might be hjemmelavet (homemade) but as long as I get by it's enough for me. I remember in Istanbul with Rainbow Warrior. I was ashore with 2 of the Italians. We were an international crew and I managed to get by with my home made Italian, French and Spanish. Yeah, and we remember when I studied Italian before our arrival to Genoa. Luckily enough we had a French girl onboard and she was teaching me the French and a girl from New Zealand was teaching me Italian.
 all English, but he spoke German. Luckily enough this is one of the languages I master, at least after a few beers. It didn't take long for me to find out how to get to the Blue Mosque. My Italian friends were impressed.
- How many languages do you speak?
OK, now I only wait for Björn's comments about my misspellings. Well, anyway, our Surveyor and I finished the paper work in a jiff. (Maybe thanks to the fact that there was no  language barrier) Our Surveyor left just after 10 o'clock. he told me that the Pilot would be onboard around 1 o'clock. So our 1st Engineer and 2nd Officer went ashore for some shopping. And of course, when  coming back from shore they had to stop in my office.
Our 2nd Officer started to fill up my desk with chips and my favourite SPRØDE FLÆSKESVÆR. They are so good it should be illegal. But I told him to take it back. - I'm on diet! You know that by now!!!
Yeah, believe me, it was hard to return the bag of SPRØDE FLÆSKESVÆR. Really hard, and it was first at my third attempt  to hand them back that I managed to get control over myself discipline.
- They are KNÆSENE GODE!! But our 2nd Officer didn't give up. He had a whole bag of chocolate, must have been 50 Riter Sports. - Have a few!! - I'm on diet! You know that by now!!!
But this one was easy to reject. I'm not all that found of chocolate, but the SPRØDE FLÆSKESVÆR. 
The Pilot was not onboard until 2 o'clock and we left Fredericia fifteen minutes past the hour. I was quickly down to my office to prepare discharging and loading paper so I would be ready for the evening. We expect to arrive to Göteborg in the middle f the night so I'm better off trying to get some sleep. I was going to get a bottle (My last bottle of diet drinks in my  cabin. I passed Pump Man's cabin and I could see our OS in his underwear. In Pump Man's cabin, what the !!?? First I thought that they had changed cabins, but when I went inside our Pump Man was chatting with his family on his computer.
- HEY!! ALADDIN!! My wife says thank you for your web page.  She can see us every day.
- Yeah, but what the BIPPING BIP is our OS doing here in his underwear? Yeah, I could not help but thinking about our 1st Engineer on Barcarolle sitting in my TV sofa in his underwear, rubbing his arse against my TV pillow. Of course, the pillow was never to be used again. And I wasn't really keen on watching any movies after that. Not in that sofa anyway.  Well, our Mess Man was preparing lobsters for dinner when I came back down to make a cup of tea  in the galley.
- Lobster for dinner? - Yes! - What the ??!! Who the likes to eat lobster?
Well, I prefer my “TUNA SURPRISE” ® any time. I remember, this must have been some 15 years ago. I and my friend we went to eat seafood in Bangkok. Well, my friend wanted to go eat at this restaurant
- I don't know, seafood? Exactly how nice is that? - Come on! Let's go, it will be fun. OK, I joined him and I ordered a lobster. It was totally tasteless and I didn't eat anything of it. And it didn't felt any better when they brought the bill, 12,000 Bath. But of course, there had been a drink or two included in the price. And when it was time to leave we were a little drunk so we were only laughing about the whole stupid bill and the SEA FOOD idea. Well, I'm off to bed, but before that:
OK, that's it, but we have a new year lurking around the corner.
    
You are visitor no.
To www.aladdin.st since December 2005
Visitors from different countries since 26th of September 2011
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only to eat 
Christmas dinner, our OS 
is still flashing. That's the beauty of not being a slave to stupid traditions, you can do what you want. But he flashed in vain, our Cook was looking in the other direction.
think its gas free and you happily enter the tank 
expecting to find a cake inside. Well, you will wake up dead!!
studies and my Italian EX class mate had sent me an e-mail. He thought I was joking about my latest order of the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF”.
is pregnant. So I asked him to buy some flowers for her and to congratulate her from me.
- Can you please take a picture of her and the flowers so I have something to put on my web page. Here is nothing to take picture of and I'm getting desperate for pictures for my web page.
Well, one thing is for sure. Best case scenario, Sukhumvit will turn in to a big “NO GO” area and worst case scenario: The whole of FUNKY TOWN will turn in to a “NO GO” area.
Si! Accetto il tuo invito alla cena e il disoteque noche. This means: Yes, I gladly accept your invitation for dinner and disco.
( A killer on the dance floor)
Smärta 
90 000
(Jo du Danne, denna e ju själförklarande. Du kommer ju ihåg när man fick sägaatt man skulle iväg på en Business trip och man skulle vare tillbaka om ungefär en cirka 5 år after allt jävla ringande.)
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