February 2010

Monday 1st of February 2010 and the month of February in the year of our Lord 2010 begins like Ek-RiverJanuary ended, loading in Stanlow. They called me at 2 o'clock in the morning.
- 1 hour to go!
- OK, I'm coming down.
Well, I had got one hour of sleep so I was pretty tired when I came down to the CCR. And that's even though I had had 20 minutes in a very hot shower.

We completed loading at 03:00 ST, 46 hours and 45 minutes to load 11,000 MT. Not any record Ek-Riverbraking rate, well, maybe breaking the record of loading a ship as slow as you can.

Our Surveyor had been onboard for about 25 minutes when we completed the loading. So the crew just had to blow our lines and we could get down to the ullageing and calculation.

Our Surveyor left us around 4 o'clock and I started to prepare our heating log while waiting for the B/L figures. As soon as I have the figures I can finish my paper work Ek-Riverand I can go back to bed. And I really need some sleep, 3 nights, yes, I have been up every night since we arrived to Stanlow.

I was back in bed at 5 or 6 o'clock and I could not f@cking believe it when my phone rang. 3rd Officer Jr. on the phone.

- Our Agent is here with the papers
- I will soon be down
I went in to the shower and now I really needed, yes, next to boiling water to wake up. I was in the shower trying to wake up when my phone rang again.
- What the !!??
I got out of the shower and I answered the phone.
- Loading Master is onboard with the cargo papers!
- What the !!?? You called 1 minute ago. IS THERE A FIRE ON THE LOOSE?


We finished the paper work at 09:30, that is 08:30 local time. Pilot was onboard at 09:25 and we
The River Mersey

is a river in North West England. It is around 70 miles (113 km) long, stretching from Stockport, Greater Manchester, and ending at Liverpool Bay, Merseyside. For centuries, it formed part of the ancient county divide between Lancashire and Cheshire.
left Shell Stanlow and all the oil in the water. According to the locals it has been leaking oil there for years and no one gives a shit.

The Manchester Ship Canal follows the River Mersey and we have to enter a lock in Eastham to get out on the river and the Irish Sea.

Maximum draft in the Canal is 8,5 meters and we had a draft of 7,8 meters. It took us almost one and a half hour to get to the lock and we had all fast in the lock 10 minutes after 11 o'clock.
Our Pilot and the helms man will leave in the lock and we will get a river Pilot onboard. They estimate that we will have to wait for about 45 minutes in the lock until the high water is high enough for us the get out in the River Mersey.
When entering the lock we had to have a tug boat stand-by on our port side to push us in to the Ek-Riverlock. But it all went very good and now we just have to wait for the Ek-Riverhigh water so we can get out in the river so we finally can get the f@ck out of here.

We could leave the lock at 12 o'clock and when we passed the lock watch I saw an owl on the roof. For sure not an everyday sight so I took a picture, but I was not happy with it so I ran for a binocular at the steering console. I was back on port side in a few seconds to get a picture of the owl through the binocular.

The binocular trick worked beautiful and the owl turned out to be a Ek-Riverbig disappointment. When I took the picture through the binocular I discovered that it was a fake owl made from who knows what material.

We left the lock and I went for my lunch and the crew are excited. We will change many of the crew in next port, but so far we don't have any destination. Only Rotterdam for order and we need confirmation latest tomorrow morning or it will be too late. The crew will leave Manila tomorrow night at 8 o'clock and that's 13:00 European time.

At dinner there were still no confirmation and the crew started to get a wee bit worried. Maybe they have to stay onboard if the on signers miss their flight. So they were very happy when we got confirmation later in the evening to go discharge our cargo of VGO in Rotterdam.
Tuesday 2nd of February 2010 and the crew was happy when I came down to my office. Many of them will sign off when we arrive to Rotterdam and they are happy to get home.

I spent the morning preparing paper work and I finished my discharge plan that I had started Ek-Riveryesterday. Rotterdam and we will be at the Pilot station tomorrow afternoon. If we're going to Rotterdam, they called from the company and asked for our position. They called back a few minutes later and told us to proceed to Pembroke/ Milford haven for discharging. Pembroke/ Milford haven must be one of the worst places I ever been to. SO I was very happy when they called back and cancelled that.
- Proceed towards Rotterdam.

We will take bunker in Rotterdam and the Engineers came to my office and asked if I could teach them to measure H2S. I was just on my way out on deck to measure the H2S in our cargo tanks.
Ek-River- Just come with me and I will show you, I said.
We went on deck and I measured the first tank. Ek-RiverWhen we finished the first tank I handed the equipment to our 1st Engineer and he did the next tank.

I showed him how the gas meter was working and I think he is ready to measure H2S when they take bunkers in Rotterdam tomorrow.

But as I told him before he left for the engine room.
- Remember that Pappa Daddy's door is always open if you need help.
Yeah, I could see that he was a wee bit worried about the gas measuring adventure in Rotterdam tomorrow. He was relieved to know that I would stay close during the operation and he looked happy when he left me.
- Of course, don't come running asking for me 2 Ek-Rivero'clock in the f@cking morning!!

Our OS is also very happy even though he won't sign off in Rotterdam. OUR PREVIOUS COOK HAS RECEIVED THE FLOWERS!! Ek-RiverHe have been calling her like a million times asking if the flowers has arrived.
- Hmm, I guess she wasn't very surprised when the flowers were finally delivered to her door.
He told me that he would start saving money so he could get married to her.
- SAVE MONEY!!!???
I told him that it was tradition for the bride�s parents to pay for the wedding in Sweden.
- Yeah, don't need to save any money.
- Are you real sure about that?
- Of course, I'm Swedish! If someone try to pull some bullshit with you about paying for the wedding in Sweden just turn around and get the f@ck out!

Well, it was full activity on deck during the day. Temperature 10°C so we took the opportunity to Ek-Riverstart marking our hatches on deck. Yeah, the yellow and red Ek-Riverand very dangerous blah-blah-bla bulls***. We wanted to start on the way to Stanlow, but the weather didn't permit us to do much on deck then.

Our Electrician was on deck fixing our cargo valves. There is a potentiometer and he needed to fix some of them so we can see the position of the valves in the CCR. And some of them didn't work properly, but he managed to fix most of it during the day. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the hospital, making a new narcotic list and stuff. Most stuff, but most important is to look busy.

It was a pretty good day and, well, I had a major setback with my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet yesterday. I finished the JUMBO bag of peanuts M&M I got from our Chief Engineer. So I'm looking like an M&M now and that put a few dark clouds on an otherwise blue sky today.

And of course, the pineapple cake ( I removed the pineapple, maybe the only healthy stuff in the cake) with whipped cream didn't do anything to help me looking better.
DARN! DARN! And I had started the day so good and I destroy it with some stupid pineapple cake after my salad only (almost) for dinner. But tomorrow.....
Wednesday 3rd of February 2010 and I woke up to a gorgeous day. The sun Ek-Riverwas shining. Well, not exactly shining, it was still dark when I got out of bed, but I could see on the sky hat it would be a nice day. No more Ek-Riverrolling when I woke up, it started to roll yesterday evening, well, not very much but enough to make me keep an eye on my glass of diet drink on my desk.

Nice weather and our crew could continue to mark our hatches on deck. And as soon as I had started the guys on deck I was in my office listening to music doing paper work. I made a quick visit to my cabin to check my e-mail. There was an, actually it was two, e-mails from our previous Cook. Pissin' and moaning about diet and stuff. If you ask me it should have been against the law to be so bitter. And on top of all the complaining she asks me to send pictures from my web page.
Our Pilot was onboard 20 minutes after 1 o'clock in the afternoon and we had first line ashore at Ek-RiverArgos Terminal at 16:00. 25 minutes later we had all fast and I left Ek-Riverthe bridge for my office. Well, I made a quick stop in my cabin for a glass of diet drink and an even quicker coffin nail.

Surveyor was onboard at 16:30 and we printed the ullage report before he started to take samples. We cannot start discharging until they are finished with the laboratory analyze of the cargo.

The new crew arrived onboard just after 5 o'clock, I think it was 7 persons all together so it became very crowded onboard. But the off signers were happy. They will leave us tomorrow morning at 10 o'clock.
Thursday 4th of February 2010 and I woke up at 08:30 when my phone rang.
- We have problem with #2 Stb cargo pump! It won�t start.
- OK, I'm coming down.
I looked at my watch thinking it should be 6 o'clock in the morning or something.
- 08:30!!! They must have forgotten to wake me up.
Well, new crew onboard so I guess the wake up routines has not been implemented among the new Ek-Riverguys. I have to get right on to it. It didn't took long before the pump was up and running. The guys in the CCR looked at me like I had direct contact with God himself.
- How did you do that??!!
- Well, if you're going to kick arse you have to call the arse kicker!

When discharging was up and running as it should I took the time to go Ek-Riverget me self a cup of tea in the galley. Hopefully I can enjoy the tea in my office without any disturbance.

I was enjoying my tea when the off signers started to drop by to say good bye. There will be a mini bus to pick them up at 10 o'clock for transportation to the airport.

Our crew got their bags and left for the jetty where they will Ek-Riverbe picked up. Well, soon it's my time to walk over the gangway with my hat box and snus for my flight back home to FUNKY TOWN for a few months of the nicest holiday money can buy.
There will be time to visit disco and pubs. Spending money like a drunken Sailor.
- Hmm, I guess I will spend some time crawling in the gutters of the streets of FUNKY TOWN.

But if I know myself I will go crazy after 2 days of doing nothing so of course, it will be a holiday combined with hard studies in FUNKY TOWN and Manila.

But of course, school is funny in FUNKY TOWN

So I'm looking forward to school. And my training in Manila is usually a nice break from FUNKY Ek-RiverTOWN. 2 weeks of training is perfect with a weekend of fun between the courses.

Every time I run in to our Mess man he reminds me of school. So I'm reminded about school 100 times a day. He can't forget my chat with the Teacher.
- Our Mess man says hello. He is in love with you!
- Say hello to Mess man and good bye to Philippines!
So every time I run in to Mess man he starts with the:
- Hello Aladdin, good bye Sweden.
Sometimes he changes to:
- Hello Mess man, good bye Aladdin.

We completed discharging quarter past 2 and we had to wait until 15:30 for the Loading Master. Paper work was pretty much ready at 1600 and they told us that Pilot would be onboard at 16:30. Nice to leave Rotterdam after a full day of nonstop action.

We have had the Norwegian authorities onboard for inspection. They spent a few hours snooping around every corner of the ship. Of course, no remarks regarding deck department. They left us just before we finished discharging. So it was pretty nice to go for a glass of diet drink in my cabin waiting for the Pilot.

I went on the bridge at 16:30 just to find out that the Pilot would not be onboard until 17:45.
- What to do while waiting?
I went to the kitchen to pester the kitchen staff. They were busy with the dinner, yes, it's Thursday and it was a stupid Swedish tradition for dinner. Yellow pea soup with pancakes. This has to be eaten every Thursday and damn the Cook who don't serve this on a Thursday.
- I was hoping for this stupid tradition to stop when we changed to Norwegian flag.

Well, I don't know the reason for the pea soup tradition, but it's every Thursday and luckily enough the tradition is to serve pancakes as dessert.

So when I got in to the kitchen I pepped the Mess man and our Cook to get in to a pancake flipping contest. The winner? I don't know, but I got a few pictures out of it.
We left Rotterdam at 6 o'clock and I was soon in my cabin drinking my last bottle of diet drink watching a movie. Maybe I will open my Thai books later on tonight.
- Hmm, maybe not.
I never got a chance to study during the lunch due to the inspection so no use starting tonight. I will do it tomorrow instead, if I have the time, that is. Well, I'm off to bed instead.
Friday 5th of February 2010 and I had my morning tea in my office. I was on my second cup when Ek-Riverour 3rd Officer passed with the new on signers. He was taking them for a safety tour of the ship. And Ek-Riverwhat a great opportunity to introduce them to the GROUP HUG.

Maybe I should turn my office in to a HUG AREA. Well, I had the HUG ZONE idea on Rainbow Warrior but I came to the conclusion that I was better off without the hug zone.
The plan was to have a hug zone and when anyone needed a hug it was just to go stand in the hug zone and wait for anyone come to give you a hug. But it would have been embarrassing to stay in the hug zone if no one wanted to give you a hug.
Imagine to stay there like a fool waiting for a hug.
- Look!! Porky in the HUG ZONE and no one wants� to hug him! WHAT A FOOL!!
Well, they were soon on their way to check out all the safety equipments on the ship with our 3rd Officer and I was left alone in my office. I started with the loading plan, but there was not really Ek-Riverthat much that I could do. I don't know how much we will load and this time it looks like we have to load to MAXIMUM draft. And it ranges from 6,5 meters to 7,1 meters depending on the high water.

But it seems like the high water is getting higher by the day and we got news that we would drop anchor until the 9th. And if we leaves the 11th we can load to 7,7 meters. Almost as much as last time.

Well, anyway, I don't expect any record breaking loading rate so there will be time to visit the shopping centre. I drank my last diet drink yesterday and I also need a new valet and some other stuff. And of course, it's nice to leave the ship for a while and spend some money on things I really don't need.

Last time I spent 200£ on Windows 7 and what a waste of money that turned out to be.
Saturday 6th of February 2010 and I didn't get out of bed until 10 minutes after 8. I had been awake most of the night due to heavy rolling. It started around midnight when we changed course Ek-Rivertowards North at Land's End.

No morning shower and no morning tea due to the rolling. I told the guys to start clean the accommodation because I didn�t want any one on deck during the rolling. Yeah, I can just imagine the kind of shit I would have ended up in if someone from the crew felt overboard during the rolling. She was rolling heavily at times, and without any warning, so it would be easy to fall on deck.

But the weather, well, it was gorgeous weather. Sunshine and no wind, but we had heavy swell coming in from the Atlantic causing the rolling. But the swell was getting better so the crew could Ek-Riverstart work on deck again.

I was in my office minding my own business when our 2nd Officer came by. He asked if he could practice doing some cargo planning on the cargo computer. - THAT'S THE SPIRIT WE'RE LOOKING FOR!

Sunshine and the crew were painting our hatches and Ek-Rivermanholes on deck. If we can have this weather for the next few days we will have finished marking all our hatches before we're going alongside in Stanlow. And latest news is that we will go alongside 9 or 10th of February.

For sure, I'm in no hurry. And we have planned to do our drills tomorrow and we will be ready with our drills for this month.
Well, yet another day has come to an end and how to spend the evening. I don't know, watching a movie?
- Hmm, I watched MAD MAX yesterday and now I kind of have lost interest for movies.
MAD MAX, what a waste of time. 90 minutes of pure crap and I wished I had spent the time with my Thai books instead. 90 minutes of learning is better than 90 minutes of watching MAD MAX.
Sunday 7th of February 2010 and today is the day that I will start to kick arse with my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet. Now it's not very long to go before it's time to leave and I need to Ek-Riverlook good at arrival to FUNKY TOWN International.

So I started my day with 2 slices of black bread and a cup of tea.

Jaja, Ingalill, nu har din önskan gått i uppfyllelse. Så nu e du väl glad när det handlar om dieten igen. Lite för dig att fylla din trista vardag med. För jag hoppas att det inte gått så långt så att www.aladdin.st blivit ditt helg nöje. Men det finns väl inte så mycket annat att göra i Tråkeborg för en single tjej. Jag misstänker i varje fall det, specielt när du tycker att min diet inte får tillräckligt med uppmärksamhet på min sida.

I was drinking my tea in my office when the crew came by. We were meeting in my office for our fire drill. We dropped anchor yesterday evening and we have to wait until the 9 or 10th before we can go alongside. 2 ships are going to load at the jetty before us. Well, I don't mind waiting.
Well, we decided to do this month�s drills while waiting for the terminal to be ready for us. And we Ek-Riverstarted with a fire/ oil spill drill. We were discharging when a leak on the manifold sprayed cargo on deck and a smoking jetty man was the source of ignition.

Deck was soon covered in burning cargo. Our deck watch reported the fire to Duty Officer and he was quick to push the emergency stop button and to push the fire alarm.

The crew were soon mustered and I had our smoke diving TEAM #1 to proceed to our foam monitor amidships. TEAM #1 was working their way towards the foam monitor behind a shield of water fog while I had one guy to spray foam from astern.

When the fire was out we used our oil spill pump to empty deck from oil. Everything was working well and we could soon return to my office. But first a picture of our heroes.
Back in my office we did a lifeboat muster and when we were ready it was time to launch our Ek-RiverMOB boat. And while at the MOB boat we will do a life raft Ek-Riverdrill at the same time. We expect to be ready in time for lunch.

I had time to write the drill reports before lunch. Well, I had my lunch in the galley. A can of tuna + 2 slices of black bread and a cup of tea. And I had planned for a constitutional on deck after lunch.

Lunch went very good. Actually I used an old but a little improved weapon against obesity. The old “Don't sit at the table” diet turned out to be crap as long as the rest of the guys were sitting at the table screaming at me in the galley.
- HEY!! Come join us!! What the f@ck are you doing in the galley?

So today I had my lunch a few minutes before the rest of the crew and I was left Barcarollealone in the galley. Good, no one is trying to tempt me to eat.

- Hmm, how many different diet have I been trying by now?
Lint seed diet, Powder diet, 100 Dollar diet, 200 Dollar diet, Blind fold diet, TUNA SURPRISE ®, Oatmeal SURPRISE ® and the Empty chair diet. Yes, my latest weapon against obesity The “Don't sit at the table” diet was originally developed onboard Barcarolle as the “Empty chair diet”

The problem is that while sitting around the dinner table cracking jokes you need to chew on something. And the meals are the only time when we're together so you want to be around socialising even if you're not hungry.
Hungry or not, when you see all the good food you can't help yourself. So that was the reason for me to developed the “Blind fold diet” onboard M/T Barcarolle a few years ago.
The plan was for me to be able to sit at the table eating my Oatmeal Surprise ® while the rest Ek-Riverof the guys was eating the GOOD food and I didn't had to see what they were eating. When this diet failed I developed the “Empty chair diet”. Yet another fiasco.

But I think I'm on to something here. Lunch today was a great Ek-Riversuccess. I entered the mess room 15 minutes after lunch time to see our Chief Engineer. I was dressed for my constitutional on deck and I was just in for a quick visit to agree on a time for our SAFETY INSPECTION tomorrow morning. When I came in they were finished with the eating and it was only our Chief Engineer left drinking coffee with his reliever. His reliever came onboard in Rotterdam and our Chief Engineer Ek-Riverwill leave us in Stanlow when we come alongside.
- Where were you at lunch?
- I ate my tuna and black bread all by lonesome.
- You're back on your diet?
- Yes.
- Very boring when you're not in the mess room.
- Well, try to get used!

We decided to take the safety inspection at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning and I turned around to leave the mess room for my constitutional on deck when our Chief Engineer asked:
- Where are you going?
- I'm taking a walk on deck.
- A WALK! Isn't that something 80 years old do?

I returned inside after a wee bit more than 30 minutes of power walking on deck. It was windy Ek-Riverand cold so I decided to go inside. Well, coming inside and I ran in to our Chief Engineer in the smoke room.
- I saw you from the window! You we're hardly moving!
- HEY! Weren�t you supposed to give up smoking?

Sunday was slowly turning in to evening and it's a quarter of the
My new life DAY #1
Finally I have got real serious with my diet. Soon time to go home and I don't want to arrive to FUNKY TOWN International as the HUMAN BALLOON. No, I don't want to HAVE to arrive to the cargo terminal or go home on a container ship.

Breakfast: 1 Spektro Multi-Vita-Min. A cup of tea with 2 slices of black bread (Skovmand ) with cheese. No butter!!
Lunch: 2 slices of black bread (Skovmand ) with cheese. No butter!! 1 can of tuna and a cup of tea. Topped with a 30 minutes constitutional on deck. It was too cold so I went back inside after 30 min!
Dinner: OK, things got out of hand. Nothing I�m very proud of.
Night time snack: ZIP, ZERO, NOTHING
month of February we put behind us. Time turns very quick onboard.

The evening was spent with Thai books and a movie. Well, of course, a few hours writing stupid stuff on my web page. But it's better than watching movies. Yes, I told you that I watched MAD MAX the other day. And it turns out that they have made a MAD MAX 2 and a MAD MAX 3 movie as well. MAD MAX gets 10 out of 10 . Yesterday I watched the MAD MAX 2 movie. It took me about 2 minutes to watch the darn thing. I did it in FAST FWD X 50 and I'm sure that I didn't miss a thing. Where do they come up with all this crap? And the actors, how do they get actors to these movies. Do they threat to kill their families if they don't take part? Because I refuse to think that anyone would have a part in a movie like this no matter how much money they pay you!
Monday 8th of February 2010 and we were still anchored waiting for the Shell Stanlow to be ready. I�m in no hurry but it starts to get a wee bit boring to stay anchored. But of course, one or two days at anchor are good so we can finish all of our drills and stuff.

- Hmm, I don't remember how I started my day.
But I'm pretty sure it was with a shower and tea. We will take a safety inspection of the ship at 9 Ek-Rivero'clock so I had to try to keep myself busy until then. Just sitting down relaxing is getting a wee bit tedious after a while. So I was enjoying the morning Ek-Riverin my office when suddenly I discovered 2 papers that I had to sign.

So there was plenty to do and I managed to keep myself busy until 9 o'clock when it was time for our safety inspection of the ship. We left my office a few minutes after 9 o'clock and coming on deck Ek-Riverwas not very nice. Cold and windy.

We finished the safety inspection in good time before the coffee break. Nice to be back in my office, but I guess the inspections will be much nicer when it's summer time.

I did the SAFETY INSPECTION report and I prepared myself for tomorrows safety meeting by printing last month safety Ek-Rivermeeting report.

I also printed a report for tomorrows SAFETY MEETING with some notes that I had done during the day.

I also did some work on the gas meters and I spent time on the phone with the company. Time turns quick and it was soon time for lunch. Lunch, white cabbage and I were off to deck for my lunch constitutional.

Our manholes and hatches are almost finished now. Our OS Ek-Riverwas painting the yellow on the last manholes and now we only have to mark them with text. Hopefully it will be ready tomorrow, if the weather allows us to paint on deck.

I stopped to have a chat with our OS and I was regretting mu decision to stop within 7 seconds. I was soon to learn everything about out OS's private life.
- Our previous Cook and I are having a cool down period.
- What the ??!! Who cares?
- She says that I'm too young for her!
- What the ??!! Who cares?
I had to stop him, he was going on and on.
- HEY! PLEASE! I already know more about your private life than Ek-RiverI care for! I said and left.
A cool out. What the is a cool out? I wish our mess man could have a cool out or cool down or whatever they call it with my Teacher. Every time I see him he asks me to take a picture of him for my Teacher.
- I really don't think she is interested in your pictures.
- I will come to Thailand for holiday and she will be interested
My new life DAY #2
Finally I have got real serious with my diet. Soon time to go home and I don't want to arrive to FUNKY TOWN International as the HUMAN BALLOON. No, I don't want to HAVE to arrive to the cargo terminal or go home on a container ship.

Breakfast: 1 Spektro Multi-Vita-Min. A cup of tea with 2 slices of black bread (Skovmand ) with cheese. No butter!!

Lunch: White cabbage with sausage. Lunch was topped with a 30 minutes constitutional on deck.

Dinner: White cabbage with turkey. OK, the smallest piece of apple cake I had ever seen with some vanilla sauce went down as well.

Night time snack: ZIP, ZERO, NOTHING
as soon as she have meet me. FOR SURE!
- Please! You're making a total tit out of yourself.

I was in my cabin with 2nd Officer and our ISGOTT. I was giving him a little something to read about static electricity and gas. Preparing him for tomorrow when I'm going to teach him about static electricity and gas measurement. It was knocking on my door and Captain told us that we're going inside tomorrow morning.

Nice, we will be going in with the high water at 0739 LT and that's 0839 ship time. All fast before lunch and I can go to the shopping centre in the afternoon. But we have to cancel our safety meeting and I guess I have to do the gas detectors with our 2nd Officer some other time. We see where we're going after discharging in Pembroke.
Tuesday 9th of February 2010 and we were on our way up River Mersey when I woke up. I was on the bridge at 8 o'clock and according to our Pilot we had 45 minutes to go to the lock. Good, I had time for my morning tea while doing all the tests on deck.

So I was in the CCR drinking tea resetting high level alarms while our OS was on deck activating the high level alarms. I finished the tests and my tea in good time before we arrived to the lock so I had time to crack few jokes on the bridge before the action started.
We had all fast in the lock at 08:50 ship time, 07:50 local time and we left the lock 25 minutes after 9 o'clock ST. During the time in the lock we changed from river Pilot to Canal pilot.
It was a cold but beautiful morning and the sun was shining when we left the lock. We had two tug boats with us up the Canal, one forward and one aft.
When we came to Shell Stanlow we turned around and we were going astern to our jetty, Inch Oil Berth, the very same jetty where we completed loading last time. As soon as the Pilot told us that Ek-Riverthis was our berth I knew that we would have to stay here for a very long time. Last time the loading rate was about 250m³/h and I don't expect them to break any record this time.

We had first line ashore at 10:55 St and all fast quarter past eleven. I went down to grab a cup of tea n the galley before I went to my office. Surveyor was onboard a few minutes later.

And as I thought, this will not go quick.
- We can give you 200 tonnes per hour, so we estimate 50 hours for loading.
- OK, I'm in no hurry anywhere, I said.
I did the paper work with our Loading Master while the Surveyor was on deck dipping the tanks for ROB with one of my absolutely best guys.

Paper work was ready just after 12 o'clock and we started loading 20 minutes past 1 o'clock. Mess man had been on me the last few days about going ashore and our Fitter came to my office asking Stanlowif we were going ashore.
- Yes, as soon as we're up and running with the loading.
- OK, I join you.
I called the jetty man and I asked him to order a mini bus for us for transportation to the gate.
- Can we please have it here at 2 o'clock?
-No problem!

Coming to the gate and they checked our ID. It took a while and the security guard asked the driver for our Fitter's name I thought it was my name they had problem with because I had Stanlowgiven them my driving license. And we remember last time I was ashore and they spent time looking for “Mr Driving license Sweden” in the crew list. But this time it turned out to be problem with our Fitter's name
- I'm #14 on the crew list, he said.
- Rafael?
- NO!
Turned out they had sent an old crew list to the security and we had to wait until our Fitter was cleared before we could leave the gate.

The driver took us to Coliseum where our Fitter and Mess man changed money. We paid the driver 7£ for the ride and we walked towards the computer and record shop. Our Mess Stanlowman stopped at a shoe shop and he came to the record shop a few minutes later. we found exactly noting that we wanted and we took the 5 minutes� walk to Chester something shopping centre next to the Coliseum.

We stopped at a few shops looking for a valet for me and clothes for Mess man. We walked around without finding anything interesting and when we passed a Samsonite shop I had almost given up the idea of buying a valet.
- Try Samsonite, they are making valets, our Fitter suggested.
I found a valet while Mess man was across the street buying clothes. We had decided to walk around the shopping center and to come back to the supermarket where we would buy diet drinks and to call a taxi.

We failed to find shoes for our Mess man, but at least we managed to Stanlowfill a shopping cart with diet drinks at the super market. Actually, I found a trimmer and we found some vitamins and stuff. So when we left the super market we almost had everything we had been looking for, except shoes for Mess man.

OK, I was looking for Pumpernickel and linseeds, but they didn't have it at the super market. Never mind, I had my valet, trimmer and valet so I was ready to return to the ship. And I was dead hungry Stanlowand I really wanted to go to a restaurant. Nice with a change from the food onboard. But unless I wanted to eat at Burger King or at some coffee shop they had nothing to offer.

Our fitter called a taxi while our Mess man and I was packing Ek-Riverthe diet drinks on the shopping cart. I had expected to wait for a while before the taxi arrived, but he arrived 1 minute after we came outside the super market and we arrived to Stanlow #3 gate less than 10 minutes later.

We took all my diet drinks from the trunk of the taxi and moved it to the sidewalk outside the gate. We asked the security guy to call the mini bus for us. After a few minutes the minibus arrived and we loaded all my diet drinks and we were off to the ship.

Onboard just in time for dinner and now I was so hungry that I could eat a horse. But white cabbage and potatoes is what I got and all in all it had been a very, OK, not very, but a good day for my diet and I was happy that we didn't found a restaurant ashore.

I was in my cabin enjoying my diet drink when Captain came in to say hello.
- What the ??!! Are they chopping wood?
- This is some of the best club music you can find, I said
My new life DAY #3
Finally I have got real serious with my diet. Soon time to go home and I don't want to arrive to FUNKY TOWN International as the HUMAN BALLOON. No, I don't want to HAVE to arrive to the cargo terminal or go home on a container ship.

Breakfast: 1 Spektro Multi-Vita-Min. A cup of tea with 2 slices of black bread (Skovmand ) with cheese. No butter!!

Lunch: Chopped fried meat and onion.

Dinner: White cabbage with potato. A few Knäckebröd.
Night time snack: Diet drinks fresh from a Super market ashore. YUMMY!!! And the best? Zero calories and I'm able to look good even though it tastes so good!
- Is this music??!! Are you sure?
- You're too old to understand it!
Yes, as I always had said. One of the first signs of getting gold id when you think all music sounds like chopping wood.

Well, I will never forget what our Bosun told me on M/T MalaysiaAsian Progress.
- You're always listening to music, that's why you look so young!

Yeah, I remember leaving the ship in Malaysia and I was on an ANA flight from Kuala Lumpur to FUNKY TOWN. Full blast on the entertainment centre and the Japanese Stewardesses were dancing in the aisles.

Same thing when I was flying to Singapore in TOILET CLASS. On my way to SingaporeMy entertainment centre was on full blast and I managed to embarrass a passenger. No problem, I took my entertainment centre to the toilet. And when I needed a beer I just pushed the alarm button.

Within seconds there was a knock on the door and when I opened the door the Stewardess handed me a cold beer with a smile. Yes, Singapore Airlines has always been one of my favourite airlines, they keep their service at the top notches.

Young and handsome and you can do pretty much before someone is getting upset. Pre 7/11 or not, try this today and it will be a totally different story.
On my way to SingaporeYes, I'm pretty sure you will end up in jail being accused of being a terrorist. Before you know it you're up to your neck in shit. And this is the kind of trouble I can live without.

I remember last time I was flying to Singapore. And yes, now I'm too old to travel around with my entertainment centre making a total ass out of myself. But I still have my MP3 player.

So I was sitting down minding my own business sipping on a glass of white wine listening to my MP3 player. So I could not believe it when they started to complain about my music on the seat behind me. They wanted me to turn down the music. What the ??!! It's a small MP3 player with earphones! And by the look on our Stewardess face I could see that she didn't appreciated the complaints from the seat behind me. She was as puzzled as me when she asked me to turn down the music a notch. “No problem! Can you please refill my glass?”
Wednesday 10th of February 2010 and we were still loading when I came down to my office at 8 o'clock. We were still loading for maximum draft 7,5 meters. But later on it was changed to 7,3 Stanlowmeters and we could leave tomorrow night. Well, it was soon changed again. Our Agent told us that the Pilot would take us out with a draft of 7,7 meters.

Just before dinner it was decided that we would load 11000 MT for a departure draft of 7,87 meters on Friday morning. Well, looks like it will be a busy night between Thursday and Friday, but that's another day and no use to worry about that.

Our 1st Engineer was going ashore to buy a laptop after dinner. Our OS was going with him and I decided to join them. I had seen a DVD box with season 1-7 of the TV series The Shield when I was ashore yesterday. I didn't bought it and today I had changed my mind. I need some high quality StanlowPlaya Del Solstuff to watch at nights. I started to watch an episode from Playa Del Sol yesterday, a Swedish TV series.

I was disappointed, when I saw the first series a few years back it was excellent. I mean REAL excellent. Now they had made new episodes and, well, it was pure embarrassment. Yes, believe me, I was embarrassed while watching the darn thing yesterday evening.

Well, anyway, we ordered a mini bus to pick us up at the ship 6 o'clock and they had arranged a taxi that was waiting for us at the gate when we arrived.

It took us about 7 minutes to get to the Coliseum where our 1st Engineer wanted to look at a lap top. I showed our 1st Engineer the computer shop where I bought my Windows 7 and our OS went to take a look at shoes. I had got a tip from our jetty man about an electronic shop called Marlin or Malpin or something like that. Should be real close to the computer shop.
Well, they had f@ck all at Marlin so we went back to the computer shop and our 1st Engineer bought a lap top. 760£ and an offer to buy Norton 360™ for half of the price. I took the offer Stanloweven though I didn't bought any computer. But no problem, they put the program on 1st Engineer's receipt and I paid 30£ with my card.

We took our stuff and left for the HMV next door. I bought the Stanlowbox with The Shield and three Chocolate eggs for us to munch on while walking to the next place of interest. But before we could leave our OS had to make a fool out of himself playing the air guitar. Of course, our 1st Engineer and I distanced ourselves from him by 20 meters at the moment. And I hope no one had noticed that we arrived to the shop together with him.

We took the 3 minutes� walk to the Chestersomething shopping centre and of course, our OS stood out from the crowd again by taking a piss on Stanlowthe parking lot. Yet again it was time for our 1st Engineer and me to distance ourselves from him by 20 meters.
- Do you know this guy?
- Never seen him before.

We stopped to look for valets. Yes, I was not 100% satisfied with my valet from yesterday so I kept on looking for something better. No valets, but our OS bought 2 hot water kettles.

I found some nice belts so I bought 2 that was
just a wee bit too small and two belts that was way too small. Yea, I'm planning to lose weight so I don't want to end up with two belts that are too big. When it was time to leave the shop I discovered socks. So I picked two packs of socks. 7£ for 5 pairs and you got the next 5 pairs for half the price. And this was the most advanced socks I had ever bought. FRESHTECH™ technology.
- Where do they come up with everything?

No stink foot guaranteed and this FRESHTECH™ technology will survive many washes.
- Hmm, maybe better off not washing them. As long as the FRESHTECH™ technology is working I will smell like a summer breeze.
- Hmm, why don't they use this revolutionary technology in underwear?
StanlowYeah, why not? If they can build in this technology in socks they should be able to build it in to underwear and sneakers.

Well, our 1st Engineer wanted to have a hamburger already back at Stanlowthe Coliseum, but I managed to talk him out of it. But after all the shopping I didn't manage to stop him. So we went to the food court and a Mc Donald�s.

A JUMBO size strawberry shake with a hamburger and fries. And I didn't felt any good leaving the food court and I promised myself never to eat at this place again. Our 1st Engineer was full after half of his burger and he put the rest in an empty fries package. Well, a doggy bag Mc Donald style so he could enjoy the rest of the chicken burger later on in the evening. But sometimes things don't end up the way you expect.

He looked upset when I took his doggy bag and emptied on his tray.
- What the ??!!
- You have to look where you put your stuff, I said.
I showed him my used snus that I so tactful had been slipped down in the empty fries container.
But he guess he was better off finding out about my snus at the restaurant than to discover it 3 Stanlowhours later after being carrying around the darn burger for hours. I could have told him about the snus. But he said that he was full sp I thought he was going to throw the burger. The last thing on my mind was that he wanted to save it. So I didn't react when he stuffed the hamburger on top of my used snus.

We left the burger place and we checked out a few more shops before we returned to the food court to call a taxi. By then the Ek-Rivershops were all closed. So was the INFORMATION desk at the food court. Luckily enough we found someone cleaning one of the fast food places and they could call a taxi for us. Nice, no need for us to walk back to the Supermarket, a brisk 15 minutes walk, in the by now very cold weather.

But it wasn't easy to find someone to call a taxi for us. We had tried several people before we got lucky at the fast food restaurant. - Oh, sorry! But I don't have much credit on my phone.
My new life DAY #4
And the Success continues
Finally I have got real serious with my diet. Soon time to go home and I don't want to arrive to FUNKY TOWN International as the HUMAN BALLOON. No, I don't want to HAVE to arrive to the cargo terminal or go home on a container ship.

Breakfast: 1 Spektro Multi-Vita-Min. A cup of tea with 2 slices of black bread (Skovmand ) with cheese. No butter!!
Lunch: Chicken pasta soup (2 litres) + white cabbage.
Dinner: Chicken, white cabbage with corn and some potato.
Night time snack: F@CK!! F@CK! I ended up on Mc Donald�s with our 1st Engineer and OS in the evening. F@CK!! F@CK!
Either it's very poor people around here or it's very expensive to make a phone call in this area. We had to wait 10 minutes for the taxi and we were back at the gate a few minutes later. At the gate we had to wait for an hour before the mini bus came to pick us up so it was almost 11 o'clock when we were back onboard.

I spent the rest of the evening admiring my new socks and writing on my web page while sipping on a glass of diet drink. I was in a pretty good mood, well, except for the agony over to have let our 1st Engineer talking me in to eating a hamburger. Well, there is a new day tomorrow and then there will be no stupid hamburgers or milkshakes. Milkshake is good when you have a hangover, but otherwise it just makes you sick. And you don't notice how bad it makes you feel when you suffering from a severe hangover. Well, never mind, but I'm worried about the diet and maybe that's what makes me feel bad and not the milkshake itself. Yeah, that must be it.
Thursday 11th of February 2010 and we were still loading when I came down to the CCR in the Ek-Rivermorning. Loading rate started to decrease after 10 o'clock and at 11 o'clock loading was at full stop.

Obviously they were out of cargo ashore and they tried to load us for quite some time, but we received ZIP. So they decided that we had to shift to the Layby berth. The very same berth we had to leave last time due to clogged shore lines.

And when we were waiting at the anchorage we were told that we could not use this berth due to clogged lines. Well, let's Ek-Riverhope they have managed to clear their lines so we can load the rest of our cargo.

Pilot was ordered for 20:00 ships time and hose was disconnected 20 minutes after 3 o'clock in the afternoon. So I spent the afternoon investigating DB 5 Stb. We have water leaking in to the tank and Ek-River where the is the water coming from?

I was down in to the tank to see if I could see a leak. Nothing! Is it leaking from the ballast pipe? I opened to DB 6 but there were still water coming in to DB 5 Stb and nothing Ek-Rivercoming in to DB 6. What the ??!! Hole in the bottom?

I went down a second time but still nothing. I could not see or hear anything down in the tank. So after dinner I went down with Ek-Riverour Fitter and we found nothing. 2nd time our Fitter went down he found the leak.
Nice, now we know the problem and they will fix it tomorrow.

I had a Ramlösa with Captain and I also had time for a shower and a few words on my web page before the Pilot came onboard at 20:00. Time to
My new life DAY #5
Finally I have got real serious with my diet. Soon time to go home and I don't want to arrive to FUNKY TOWN International as the HUMAN BALLOON. No, I don't want to HAVE to arrive to the cargo terminal or go home on a container ship.

Breakfast: 1 Spektro Multi-Vita-Min. A cup of tea with 2 slices of black bread (Skovmand ) with cheese. No butter!!

Lunch: Fish + white cabbage.

Dinner: Yellow pea soup. Yeah, its Thursday.

Night time snack: Nothing! Well, at least nothing I want to bring up here.
go to the bridge for shifting. And I have my new socks on and they were might impressed when I came on the bridge. well, our Pilot was mostly talking about my shirt.
- Did you buy it in Singapore?
We left Inch Oil Bert quarter past 8 and we had all fast at Layby berth 5 minutes before 9 o'clock.

And talking about writing a few words on my web page. Earlier during the day I was at my desk writing. Mess man was in my cabin while I was writing on my web page and he saw the pictures from our Mc Donald adventure and he asked about the pictures from when we were ashore with our Fitter the other day.
- When we bought all the diet drinks.
- Yes, those pictures are already on the internet.
- Good, so your Teacher can see my pictures.

Well, we had the cargo hose connected @ 21:50 and we resumed loading at 21:55.
Friday 12th of February 2010 and we completed loading at 00:00. Surveyor was onboard after an hour or so. Sampling and I gave him an ullage report before he left for the laboratory to find out the final density.
- Hurry back so I can go to bed!

Yeah, hurry back. The Surveyor was onboard at 4 o'clock in the morning and I was back in bed at 5. And they were soon calling again. 20 minutes before 8 o'clock and even though I took a shower in next to boiling water I was dead tired when I came down to my office.

I picked up my cargo documents and I went to ship's office and the waiting Agent. While he was
Yet another disaster
Well, looks like I'm going to have to FUNKY TOWN International cargo terminal or to go home on a container ship.

Breakfast: I started with a bunch of Crisprolls 4 o'clock in the morning. I forgot my vitamins and I had 2 buns with butter (no cheese) instead of the healthy (Skovmand )

Lunch: Salmon and some stew + white cabbage.

Dinner: White cabbage with porkchoops. Vanilla pudding with whipped cream

Night time snack: Nothing!
signing papers I went to the galley for a cup of tea and when I returned to the ship's office with my tea cup our agent almost felt of the sofa.
- What the is that??!! Is it beer in the jar?
- It's my morning tea!

Pilot was onboard at 8 o'clock LT, 9 o'clock ship time and we started to single up 5 minutes past 9. 15 minutes after the hour we departed from Stanlow. We were in Eastham lock 25 minutes after 10 o'clock and 10 minutes before 11 we left the lock.

As soon as we left the lock behind our Fitter started to work with the leak in the ballast tank and they were ready in the afternoon. So now I hope we have the leak under control. I spent my afternoon preparing my discharge plan and documents and at 3 o'clock I went to bed.

Well, it was almost half past and I asked 2nd Officer to call me at 4 o'clock. I don't want to destroy my night sleep. So half an hour of sleep should be good. I was spending the whole night waiting for the Surveyor so we could finish our paper work.
- I'll be back in 1 hour!
- Good, I need sleep.
He came back 4 o'clock and when we were finished it was almost time for me to get out of bed again. So sleep was needed and when 2nd Officer woke me up I took a hot shower and I returned to my paper work in my office.

All crew came by my office to check out what the he*l I was doing. I had French Hip Hop blasting high on the Richter scale so the music was heard over the whole ship. Everyone coming in to my office asked if they could copy my music.
Yes, that was the first thing they asked. Well, that's pretty much the standard question. “Can I copy your music and you pictures?” So I guess I'm used to it by now.
Saturday 13th of February 2010 and I decided to make an experiment and I will really take my new socks for a benchmark. Freshtech™ Technology sounds like a shitload of crap to me. But what if there is some truth in it. So I will wear my socks and if I'm not having stink foots in a week I will be impressed.

So I need to get started with my experiment, we got loading orders today and we will go back and load VGO in Stanlow again. So if my socks pass the benchmark I will go ashore to buy more of the socks. And I got 10 pairs for 10£ comparing with my socks from Sweden (Still not delivered onboard) that set me back by almost 700 US dollars. Well, hope they are worth it and hopefully I will soon find out. Just waiting for the ship post to arrive with my socks.

Well, anyway, we were anchored waiting for Milford haven/ Pembroke Pilot when I woke up. We have been anchored since 01:15 this morning.

We started to heave up our anchor 15 minutes after 12 in order to be at Milford haven Pilot at 14:00. Well, I'm not surprised, but we had to drop anchor again. Next time they called us was after 2 o'clock and now they wanted us to be at the Pilot station at 5 o'clock.

Quarter past 5 I ran in to our Pilot when I came out from our mess room. I just finished my dinner and I was on my way to my cabin for a glass of diet drink before going to the bridge.
- Nice shirt! Was the first thing the Pilot said.

I finished my diet drink in my cabin and I went to the bridge. A gorgeous day and it could have been a very nice May evening if it wasn't for the low temperature.
And it was almost 6 o'clock, 5 o'clock local time and the sun was still shining. We're moving Ek-Rivertowards the spring and summer with 24 hours of sunshine, at least in the North of Sweden.

We had all fast at 18:35 on Chevron #3 and 5 minutes
My 2nd new life DAY 1
Let's give it another try
Finally I have got real serious with my diet. Soon time to go home and I don't want to arrive to FUNKY TOWN International as the HUMAN BALLOON. No, I don't want to HAVE to arrive to the cargo terminal or go home on a container ship.

Breakfast: 1 Spektro Multi-Vita-Min. Salmon with a cup of tea + 2 slices of black bread (Skovmand ) with cheese. No butter!!
Lunch: Salmon and some meet + white cabbage.
Dinner: Chicken, white cabbage with corn and some potato.
Night time snack: Nothing.
later the Loading Master stepped inside my office.

He left an hour later and now we only have to wait for them to be ready to receive our cargo. At arrival I saw the tank park up on the hills and I was hoping for them to have a booster pump ashore. After consulting the chart I estimated the height above water for the tank part to be 30-40 meters and that will be a back pressure of about 3,5 bars without the booster pump. And Loading Master told me that they didn't have any booster pump ashore.

We started discharging at 21:25 and I was in my cabin at 11 o'clock for an episode of The Shield before going down for some instructions for our 2nd Officer at midnight.
Sunday 14th of February 2010 and I got out of bed at 9 o'clock. I asked 3rd Officer Jr. to wake me up at 9 o'clock when I went to bed yesterday. I was hoping for some sleep after 2 nights of pretty much no sleep at all.

I managed to fall asleep when I went to bed 1 o'clock this morning so I was in a pretty good mood when I got out of bed. And my best guys had been kickin' arse during the night so we were almost finished with discharging when I came down to the CCR.

We completed discharging 20 minutes after 11 and we left Pembroke 25 past 2 in the afternoon. Yet another gorgeous day with sunshine and no wind.

Well, yet another day behind and before I go to bed I just have to mention that my new socks might be the real deal. Still no odour from the socks and the FRESHTECH™ technology might be one of the best thing ever happened to mankind. Well, the FART GENERATOR® is also making it high on that list. And seriously, after I discovered the FART GENERATOR® I have spent my time wondering how it was possible to have lived my life without the FART GENERATOR®.

Well, anyway, I still have a day or two to test my socks and if they pass my benchmark I will go ashore to buy some more in Stanlow.

WOW, half of February disappeared like nothing and in order to save us some downloading time I will continue on Part 2 of February 2010.

OK, it has come to my knowledge that we have senior citizens at my web page. So it's not very easy
Jiffy (also jiff)

noun [in SING.] informal a moment: we'll be back in a jiffy.

ORIGIN late 18th cent.: of unknown origin.

So as you understand, in a jiff pretty much depends on your internet.
for them to see the blue coloured links to the next page. So I put a “Next” button here and I hope that there isn't any problem to understand how to use that one. So just CLICK the “Next” button on your left hand side and you will be on the next page in a jiff!

Marunong ka mag-tagalog? Walang problema! Magpunta sa kabilang pahina pindutin ang “NEXT” button sa itaas

Faites vous parlez le français? Pas de problème! Pour arriver à la page suivante faites s'il vous plaît un déclic le bouton “Next” ci-dessus!

Haga usted dice el español? No hay problema! Ver la siguiente página sólo hacer clic el botón “Next” encima!

Farla parla l'italiano? Non problemi! Per vedere la prossima pagina lo scatto per favore giusto Il bottone “Next” sopra

Sprechen sie Deutsch! Kein problem! Wenn Sie die folgende Seite sehen wollen gerade klicken der Knopf “Next” oben!

คุณพูดภาษาไทยได้ไหม ไม่มีปัญหา ถ้าคุณต้องการไปหน้าถัดไป ให้กดปุ่ม “Next” ข้างบนนี้

Вы говорите по-русски? NJET PROBLEMA! Просто нажмите синюю кнопку "Next" с левой стороны и Вы моментально переместитесь на следующую страницу!

E ni Svenskar och inte förstår Engelska så ska ni skämmas. J och Björn, med det menar jag inte att alla mina stavfel ska ältas varje gång vi träffas.


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