My Spring holiday 2010

Tuesday 16th of March 2010 and our OS was knocking on my door at 05:00. Of course Ek-RiverI was tired, but I'm going home so it's no problem. They will pick me up at 6 o'clock for transportation to the Airport so I have time for tea and a hot shower.

Of course, I had my hot shower in my cabin. But I also had my Ek-RiverGOOD MORNING tea in my cabin. Yes, our OS brought my cup of tea when he woke me up. And as you understand I took a picture first thing in the morning.

And I hope our Chief Engineer see the pictures. I prepared 2 slices of black bread around midnight when I went to my cabin.
- OH! Night snack! What about your diet? He asked.
- No, it's my breakfast for tomorrow morning, I tried to explain.
- OK, I see through you now. You eat this tonight and tomorrow you will make new breakfast.

When I finished my morning tea I was down in my office for my last group hug before going home. Ek-RiverAnd I expect to be in FUNKY TOWN in about 18 hours, at 6 o'clock tomorrow morning LT.

Coming down to the CCR and I opened my last diet drink. I was enjoying my drink when our OS came by and asked if I wanted a kiss.
- Fer f@cks sake! Get out of here!
- Only one, you can pass it on to your Teacher.
- Get your arse back out on deck!

The crew changed watches and we took the opportunity Ek-Riverto have our last group hug a few minutes before 6 o'clock. Our Mess man was lucky to arrive just in time for the last group hug.

The clock became 6 and 5 minutes past 6 o'clock. Where the is my transportation? At least you would expect them to be in time for transportation to the airport.
- MOTHERF@CKERS!!!

Finally, the transportation arrived 10 past 6 I took my last bag and went for the gangway. Now, yes, I could not believe my ears when Bozo started to whistle to get attention from us. “What the !!??” I don't know how much they charge, at least 300€ and he cannot walk the 20 meters to tell us that he has arrived. No instead he stands whistling on the jetty.
- HEY! I'M HERE!
- YES WE KNOW. You should have been here 10 minutes ago.
Ek-River
We left the ship and it took us about 1 hour to reach Sciphol Airport. I checked in and of course, Sciphol AirportI had to rearrange my luggage a bit. My carry on was a
Björn,
som du förstår så hadde man inte fått med sig DVD boxen även om man hadde haft plats för den.
wee bit heavy so I had to put 4 kg in my suitcase.

I managed to check in on my second try and I was soon sitting in a bar with a diet drink and a cup of tea in front of me. Strange, at airports people seems to forget the time.

It was around 8 o'clock in the morning and everyone was drinking beer. I was the only one drinking tea and I got some strange looks when I ordered my tea. Well, didn't take me long to connect to the internet so I could upload my web page. Internet has been down onboard since the Sciphol Airportlast week so I have a few pictures to upload.
I also logged in on Thai Airways web page to upgrade my ticket. DARN! I was too late and I need to go to Thai Airways check in at Frankfurt Airport to do the upgrade. hopefully there is seats available in business class between Frankfurt and FUNKY TOWN.

I left the bar when I had finished 2 teas and 2 diet drinks walking down to gate B17. There was a Lufthansa flight leaving from gate B15 at 10 o'clock. Well, they could have checked me in on that flight.

Never mind, my flight is at 10:55 so I just have to walk up and down terminal B for a while waiting. Boring to walk up and down, well, anyway it's kind of OK when you're on the way back home. A different story though, when you are going to the ship. Well, of course, I could have spent the extra hour in Frankfurt up grading my ticket.
Sciphol
We arrived to Frankfurt just after 12 o'clock and I went straight to Thai Airways ticket office Thai Airwaysand 10 minutes later I had my upgrade and
Björn,
nu vet du vilka sätten du ska välja när du checkar in med Carmen. Du kan checka in på internet och då väljer du sitt plats 16K och 16J. Kan du ju göra nu när du har ditt hemma nätverk. Jaja, 16J och 16K så sitter ni bra på resan. Långa resor ska vara snabba och bekväma.
boarding card. Seat 16K, the best seat on the airplane when you're flying a 474. And of course, when I checked in I asked if the flight was full. Business is quite full!
- Can you please block seat 16J so I can sit alone?
- No problem! I block the seat next to you.
Monkey Class
My mood made a remarkable improvement when I had my boarding card in my hand. I dreaded the Frankfurt to FUNKY TOWN leg uncertain if I could get a BIZ seat. But now everything was OK.

We took off in time, 10 minutes after 2 o'clock and they were soon serving dinner. Good, I was hungry. Shrimp snack and then we got salmon some meat and tossed salad. I had chosen beef for main course.

Thai Airways
Thai Airways
Thai Airways and it's the same story every time. They serve you so much food and I had never Thai Airwaysmade it to the cheese. And after the cheese they come rolling down the aisle with the cake cart.

Well, same this time. I finished my main course and I felt a sleep. I had been up since 5 o'clock this morning so I was tired.

I woke up in time for breakfast. We started with fresh fruit and then my home fried potato, sausage and spinach fritte or whatever they called it. 5 cups of tea on top of this and I felt like a million. Yes, and after brushing my teeth I was really feeling good and it was worth Thai Airwaysevery penny to upgrade my MONKEY CLASS ticket.

When I boarded the flight in Frankfurt one of the Stewardesses recognised me. She smiled and waied me. I recognised her as well, but from where?

At first I thought it was from my last flight to Singapore. I was not sure, but I don't hope so. I was suffering from a severe case of motion sickness last Thai Airwaystime flying to Singapore. Same on my last flight from Manila.
- Hmm, where have I meet her?

She was only speaking Thai with me so obviously I must have been drunk last time I meet her. After a bottle of wine or two I'm pretty fluent in Thai. She told her college that I was speaking Thai so all of them spoke Thai with me and I understood f@ck all.

I broke in to cold sweat when I realised that I had meet her on my flight from Hong Kong to Seoul. Yes, a terrible flight. I was so motion sick that II felt a sleep waking up in an empty airplane in Seoul. Does she remember? Most likely. She must have had millions of passengers and she still recognises me. Not a good sign.

Wednesday 17th of March 2010 and we arrived to FUNKY TOWN just after 6 o'clock and I was FUNKY TOWNhome at 7 o'clock. And it was so nice to finally get rid of my socks. No more carry around of FUNKY TOWNsuitcases and paper boxes.

Most of my potted plants had died during my absence. My 2 palm trees, once so big has turned in to something pathetic. So I guess I will have to go buy new trees one of those days. But not tomorrow, I will most likely have a hangover. But first some sleep. When I was FUNKY TOWNfinished packing up my stuff I went to bed. I was dead tired but I failed to fall asleep and I left for FOODLAND.

Milk and ingredients for my TUNA SURPRISE ® so I have something to eat when I wake up. When I came back from FOODLAND I managed to fall asleep but it didn't take long before my phone rang. When I finally fell asleep again the phone went off again.
- Do you know where Robin Hood is? Let's meet there at 17:30.
FUNKY TOWN - OK
I was drowsy when I checked the time and I thought it was 4 o'clock, but when I looked at my watch again it was 5 o'clock. Darn! A quick shower and I were off in a taxi. Arriving to Robin Hood and my friends had not arrived.

How to spend the time waiting? For sure, not at an English pub with no music. So I took a few minutes' walk down Sukhumvit to a place with music.

A few glass of wine later and Charisma Man was back in town. And what a pleasant surprise! We have not seen him around for quite some time now.
Charisma Man
I was sitting there enjoying my wine and music when my phone rang. Of course, I could not hear it. FUNKY TOWNBut when I was going to call my friend I had 3 missed calls.
- Where are you? We're at Robin Hood.
- OK, I will be right over

It didn't take long before I had a bottle of wine on the table. 3 bottles later Charisma Man had turned in to the Obnoxious Man.

Well, after 4 months on the ship nothing else was expected and I don't remember how I got home. But that's not the first time, especially when I had suffered from jetlag and tiredness.

Jaja, Björn. Inga dumma kommentarer tack. Dom klarar jag mig så bra utan.
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Thursday 18th of March 2010
and I woke up with a hangover force 9,8. And the time was only 7
Imodium

Generic name: Loperamide hydrochloride
Brand names: Imodium

Imodium controls symptoms of diarrhoea, including Traveller's Diarrhoea. It works by slowing the activity of the intestines and affecting the movement of water and chemicals through the bowel. It can be purchased over the counter in liquid and capsule form under the brand name Imodium A-D.

From http://www.drugs.com
thirty something. So I popped 3 Loperamide and I felt FUNKY TOWNasleep again.

I spent most of the day in bed and when I finally got out of bed it was time to go drink beer again.
The girl I meet yesterday is going back to Sweden tomorrow with her husband and I went to say bye bye. Their flight is at 09:35 and I expected them to drink soda water only. When will I see her again? I don't know. I meet her some 25 years FUNKY TOWNago and I ran in to her last summer in Göteborg.

We ended up at Cheap Charlie at Soi 11 and I don't know what time it was. But I think they managed to get to their flight in time. We were pretty drunk and after Soi 11 I went to Khaosan Road and don't ask me what time I got home. I don't have a clue.

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Friday 19th of March 2010
and my friend called and woke me up quarter to two. He asked if I FUNKY TOWNwanted to go see a movie.
- What's the movie? And when does it start?
- Avatar and it starts quarter to 3.
- Whoa whoa! I'm still in bed.
But I decided to go, otherwise I would have been spending all day in bed. I took a shower and I took a taxi to Siam Paragon arriving at 14:30. I meet my friend on the fifth floor. He had bought the tickets so I took them and I went to change the FUNKY TOWNtickets so we could sit in a sofa instead of the ordinary seats. A little extra cost but a lot of extra comfort.

My friend needed to do some stuff on the internet so we went to an internet place on the third floor while waiting for the movie to start. And while he was busy on the internet I called my school and I will start my class at one o'clock Monday afternoon.

When we went in to the cinema they handed us a pair of special 3D glasses.
- What the ??!! Wasn't this something we used back in the 80's?
FUNKY TOWNWell, after 5 minutes it just felt stupid to sit with this glasses and I took them off. My friend was sleeping in the sofa and I was just about to fall asleep as well. The movie was 3 hours long and I guess that's about 2 hours too much. 1 hour something would be enough.

After the movie we went to an Italian vegetarian restaurant on Soi 22. And I was hungry, I had not been eating all day long. My friend had finished his two courses when my starter arrived and I had just started with my starter when my Carbonara came. What the BIPPING BIP is wrong? They don't even know the most elementary stuff about running a FUNKY TOWNrestaurant. First I had to watch my friend eat his 2 courses and then he had to sit watching me eat my 2 courses and when I was ready his third course arrived. Impressive.

I asked the waiter what the BIP was going on.
- We had guests coming, all at the same time.
- OH! Guests coming to the restaurant. What a surprise!

Well, when we finished our meal my friend dropped me at Villa Market. I need to buy some stuff for tomorrow, my Teachers called this morning and they are coming for Swedish meatballs tomorrow. And I have promised to make Mango Sticky Rice Swedish style.

Friday night and no drinking. Yes, I remember last time my Teacher bursted in through my door at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and I was still in bed with a hangover force 9,8. Not a nice experience so tomorrow I will not have any hangover. And I need to get up early to go buy new potted plants and to prepare the sticky rice.
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Saturday 20th of March 2010
and nice to wake up without any hangover. I started with my tea and FUNKY TOWNwhen I was finished with my tea and TUNA SURPRISE I started to prepare the Swedish Sticky Rice. Should be boiling for an hour and then it needs to be cool before I can finish the darn thing.

When I finished with my rice I got in to a taxi and I went to Ekkamai to buy new plants. And it was in the nick of time. The taxi driver told me that they expected 600 000 red shirts to come marching down Sukhumvit in one hour.
- 600 000??!! You must mean 60 000!
- No, 600 000
OK, I'm better off buying my plants and return home in a jiff. End up waiting for all this people to FUNKY TOWNpass Sukhumvit and I would not be able to make it home until FUNKY TOWNtomorrow.

The plant shop never fails to impress me.
- We deliver the plants at 14 thirty
And they knocked on my door at 14 thirty with my plants. They took out all my dead plants and at 4 o'clock they left again and I had all the new plants in my apartment. So now I wonder how long they will last, Until I sign on my next ship.

When the plant guys left I started to prepare for the meatballs. Luckily enough I have a machine to FUNKY TOWNdo the job. But there was potatoes to boil, chopping onions FUNKY TOWNand stuff so I was pretty busy.

But my guests were a wee bit late. One of my Teachers called at 5 thirty. She told me that they were a bit late due to traffic. Red shirts was on the march and FUNKY TOWNtraffic was at a full stop on Sukhumvit Road.

Making meatballs, well, mixing the ingredients is OK, especially with my machine. But to roll the FUNKY TOWNballs and fry them is a killer.

Especially when you have a few kilos of meat balls to make. Luckily enough my Teachers like to cook and I could relax with a beer.
But it didn't take long before the meatballs turned flat. Easier and its way quicker to make. And FUNKY TOWNmy Teachers was in a hurry because they were hungry.

I had spent hours with my Swedish Sticky Rice, all for FUNKY TOWNnothing. My Teachers brought Thai Sticky Rice with Mango and no one touched the Swedish rice. Well, I spent hours with this and all for nothing.

Well, anyway, I don't have to do this again. OK, it I have Swedish guests my Swedish sticky rice with Mango will be a great success. But I have done it as I had promised and that was the most important thing.


FUNKY TOWN
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Sunday 21st of March 2010
and I popped 3 Loperamide first thing when I woke up and I stayed in FUNKY TOWNbed all day and I was lucky enough to fall asleep at 10 o'clock at night.

Well, I had to go to the kitchen for some water and I discovered 6 bottles of the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF”. Good, I have enough to last me for a while.

Aroon, I will bring 3 bottles for you in April!
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Monday 22nd of March 2010
and my alarm went off at 9. But by then I had all ready been up for 10 minutes. Nice to get out of bed early, I have a full day ahead of me. I started my day with tea and a TUNA SURPRISE ® before going to school and after school I was off to the hospital for my vaccination.

When I finished at the hospital I took a taxi to Silom to look for a new school. Not easy to find the school, but I stopped at True, my internet provider. And well, while at their office I upgraded to a faster internet and I checked out the address for the school. According to their ad they have class from 1030 to 1300 every day. I discovered that they only had evening classes on Tuesdays and Fridays.
- But you say you have class in the morning Monday to Friday.
- We don't have any students. We need 5 to make a class.
- What the ??!! Do you expect 5 students just to drop from a blue sky? Of course there will never be any class if you tell everyone that there are not enough students.

I left the place and I will never return. I think I will go back to Walen. I meet two of my Teachers on the way to FOODLAND and they wondered why I wasn't in school.
- WE MISS YOU!
- Of course you miss me!
Well, I will see on Monday. But I really need something to do. Just walking around having a good time just gonna make me call the company and ask them to send me out again.

I don't know what happens with the days in FUNKY TOWN. It was way past 10 o'clock in the evening when I got home in the evening and time to go to bed.

It had been a pretty good day, I started my day with my TUNA SURPRISE ® and that was pretty much what I ate during the day. I managed to do a lot of stuff and I was pretty pleased when I returned home in the evening. Well, new school was a setback and of course the stop at one of my favourite Thai restaurants on Soi 22 on the way home was a setback.
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Tuesday 23rd of March 2010
and I woke up at 04:30 with a running nose and a hacking cough. I FUNKY TOWNspent a few hours watching Dexter Season 4 while blowing my nose and coughing.

I got out of bed at 8 and I felt way better after my morning tea and a TUNA SURPRISE ®. My school starts at 11 so it was nice to have time to really enjoy mu morning tea before leaving for school.

When in school yesterday my Teacher took a picture of me. Yes, she has finally bought a camera. But when I was trying to take her picture today she was hiding behind a sheet of paper. But hiding behind the paper is an improvement from last time when she was screaming “I WILL SUE YOU!”

When I finished school I went in to a taxi and I was off to my friend's “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” shop in Sutisan. I need to see where this wonder is coming from.
It took me almost 30 minutes to get to Sutisan and FUNKY TOWNI didn't had so much time. I needed to be back at Soi 4 at 4 o'clock to pay for my insurance. I got off the taxi at Sutisan subway station and my friend came to pick me up a few minutes later.

My friend's shop was a 1 minutes' walk from the subway station. And by the look of it I had emptied his stock of the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” when he brought the 6 bottles for me last Saturday.

We had time for a health drink at the shop next door before I left for Soi 4 in a taxi. FUNKY TOWNWe decided to go eat a pizza later on in the evening and we would meet in town at 7 o'clock.

I paid my insurance. BUPA and they will deduct 175US from my Master Card every month. And of course, this insurance will be more and more expensive the older I get. But of course, if I have an accident or if I will get sick it will be worth every penny.

When I had paid my insurance I went to buy some gold and I ordered a few shirts. FUNKY TOWN, the Singaporeboredom drives me up the wall so I went to see my travel agent on Soi 19.
- Give me a ticket to an exciting place.
- Where do you want to go?
- Never mind as long as I can wear shorts and a t-shirt.
She checked out Tokyo on the internet, 12°C.
- Maybe I should wait until May.

Well, the most exciting place seems to be Singapore so I booked a Singaporeticket for Friday returning on Sunday. I haven't been in Tokyo for a few years now, but I'm better of waiting until May so I can wear shorts and a short sleeved shirt.

I also asked them to book a hotel for me.
- Not The Swissotel The Stamford! I will never stay at that hotel again! Since Swissotel took over from Westin it has turned from an excellent to poor hotel.
SingaporeThey gave me a map and I chose The Peninsula Excelsior Hotel, very close to the Boat Quay and The Swissotel The Stamford. A very good area and I think this will be the first time in Singapore in many years when I haven't stayed at Swissotel The Stamford. 5 star hotel, but they claim to be a 6 start hotel. Yeah, we remember the drama last time I stayed there.

They want you to collect all your stuff in to the bath tub if you want it changed. OK, as a Greenpeacer I'm always thinking about the environment, but at the same time they charged me 25 Dollars for water they had shipped from Fuji to Singapore. How environmental friendly is that?
Singapore
I got pissed off and I decided never to stay there again. But I must admit that I was almost giving them a second chance when booking my hotel at the travel agent. But no, sometime you must take your stand.

I meet my friend and his wife to be outside Robinson at 7 and we took a taxi to the Holypizza on Soi 55. I giant step back for the “Best looking guy in town '10” diet. Well, luckily enough I have ordered new shirts. Can't come to Singapore in shirts that are too small. My new shirts are made so I have a little extra space to grow.
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Wednesday 24th of March 2010
and today I woke up at 5 o'clock. I spent two hours watching Dexter Season 4 before going out of bed to my tea and TUNA SURPRISE ®. I was drinking my tea while my bed sheets was in the laundry machine. I have a few hours before I will go meet one of my Teachers at 12:30 at the Asoke subway station. We will go play badminton and hopefully I can lose some of the pizza I ate yesterday.

I hope she's not under the impression that's I'm very good at it.

I was in bed study my Thai books just about to get off to our meeting at Puff and Pie at Asoke subway station. Well, I can't say it was a surprise when my Teacher called.
- Can we meet around 2 o'clock? I have to go see my Lawyer.
- I have to be at the government office at 3 o'clock.
- So we can play next week.
- Yeah, but I have to see on what days my afternoon school is.

Well, I have cancelled my school this afternoon just for the badminton and, well, it was too late to rebook my class. I continued my Thai studies and I left in good time to be at the government office at 3 o'clock. I had a booked time at 3 o'clock and of course I had to wait until 4 o'clock before it was my turn.

And when I was ready at the government office I went to my travel agent. No good news, all hotels Singaporewas full and I even ask them to try the Swissotel The Stamford so I was pretty Singaporedesperate. I was about to cancel my ticket when I asked to check out internet. Luckily enough I found Novotel Clarke Quay and they had a room for me. And who knows? Maybe a good thing that The Peninsula Excelsior Hotel was full because I read the following about Novotel Clarke Quay: Located near the active nightlife scene in SingaporeClarke Quay, Robertson Quay and Boat Quay.
Novotel Clarke Quay Singapore is Accor's latest, newly renovated hotel in Singapore located along Clarke Quay - the most vibrant place in the city for the young and famous.


The young and famous, sounds just like my place. And maybe this will turn out to be my new home while in Singapore and I will never have to stay at The Swissotel The Stamford again. And this area is a very nice spot, well, Boat Quay has turned bad the last few years. Only sport bars, Irish and British pubs. The only water hole is Eskibar. (I hope they have forgotten me by now, but most likely not) When I left Eskibar the bartender followed me out on the street.
- Hope to see you again. It was very fun!

Well, next time she saw me I had got a severe bout of the bird flu. I don't remember much of it but for sure, I hope she has forgotten all about me. But I guess that I will find out on Friday. Otherwise there is nothing to do at the Boat Quay unless you like sport bars, Irish and British pubs. Yeah, just imagine the kind of music they play at those places is enough to make you sick. But as soon as you moving down towards Clarke Quay things are getting better.

So I can spend the whole weekend in this area, no need to go to Orchard Road since they closed Pokka Cafe some 10 years ago. What a shame they closed that place.
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Thursday 25th of March 2010
and today I managed to sleep until quarter to 8, 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. I was soon in my kitchen drinking tea eating my TUNA SURPRISE ®. I took a shower and I was off to school.

I meet my old Teachers on the way to FOODLAND yesterday evening again and I decided to go back to Walen. New students in my class and I introduced myself as Orvar. Wise from previous experience and this time I will do everything to avoid being the most famous student at school. Yes, the very reason for me to stop going there. But new students and new Teachers and Orvar is my name around Walen from now on.
- Hmm, I hope it works out better than the Pelle Plutt trick.

After school I went to the ATM. AMEX rejected and my Master Card didn't work.
- What the ??!!
I tried a few ATM and always the same message: “Not enough data to read from your card” Same when I paid for my shirts. Luckily enough they had a machine for smart chips so instead if sliding the card he inserted it at the side of the machine and now it worked.

Exactly the reason for me to have a few different cards. I remember back in the days going to one bank and you could not get any money but at the bank next door there were no problems. Of FUNKY TOWNcourse, this was 20 years ago when you had to run around with your pass port to get money.

Well, I don't fancy arriving to Singapore tomorrow without any money so I went to the bank expecting them to have a machine reading the SMART CHIP.
- Do you have your passport?
- No, but I have a Thai driving license.
- Must be the original Passport.
Well, the reason for me to get a Thai driving license was just the reason not to have to have my passport with me. Works every time, well, obviously not today. So I took a taxi back home to get my passport.

While at home I called AMEX.
- I cannot use my AMEX!
- You can only use 1500 US per month!
- WHAT THE !!?? 1500US is what's coming out of the nose when you sneeze!

I told the girl that there was unlimited credit when I applied for my AMEX. Why have a card with 1500 US in credit?
- Well, then you lived in Sweden. Now you have moved to Thailand and we can't see how much you earn. So we lowered the credit.
- Yeah, and thank you for giving me the notice. Now I have been running around making a fool out of myself with my rejected card. A major embarrassment.

I was officially moving out from Sweden the 11th of January this year when we changed to Norwegian flag. And so far there has been nothing but shit coming my way since I made the move.
Well, anyway, I went to the bank on Soi 11 and I asked for 2000 Singapore dollars.
- We don't take card.
They told me that I needed 47,000 Bath to get 2000 dollars so I went across the street to get Thai money. Lo and behold, when I returned with my Thai money they only had 100 FUNKY TOWNSingapore dollars. I could not believe my ears.
- What the ??!!
Well, enough for the taxi to my hotel and a few beers to get tipsy.

Later on in the evening I meet my friend at Carrefour on Ratchadapisek. He asked if I wanted to eat pizza.
- No, I'm on diet! But it wasn't hard to talk me in to it so we decided to meet up at Carrefour at 7. He was going to buy stuff to make pizza for us.

Well, it was not my intention to try to make it sounds more sophisticated than it is. We bought the FUNKY TOWNpizza bottoms, frozen with the cheese on. So we just needed to by the toppings we wanted and my friend will make them in his oven.

When we arrived to my friend's apartment my French former class mate arrived with his girl friend and, yes, I had a pizza. I bought 3 mangoes at Carrefour in hope to be able to skip the pizza. Yeah, fat chance.

Well, never mind, all in all it had been a very good day. TUNA SURPRISE ® for breakfast s o the pizza in the evening was never mind. And next week it will be school every day. My French classmate was surprised that I had been in school and when he knew I was back at Walen he decided to start coming every day with start next week.
Friday 26th of March 2010 and my alarm went off at 8 o'clock and I had a quick TUNA SURPRISE ® and tea before leaving for the airport. My flight departs at 1130. Too early for a FUNKY TOWNglass of wine. But the time zone, the time zone!!! Its 12:30 in Singapore so I'm allowed to taste some of their wine. Oh yeah, I will arrive to Singapore in top form and hopefully I will manage to keep it at a peak performance the whole weekend.

And of course, I brought my “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” travel kit. And hopefully the nitwits at the security check won't confiscate it. Or even worse, I will end up in jail as a terrorist, and all this just because of a bald spot you can't hardly see. Yes, I don't give up the hope on curing my baldness so every day is important so I guess I have to take the risk at the airport.

Well, so I guess it's over and out for a few days. Don't expect any updates for a few days. I don't think I will be in the best shape coming back home on Sunday.

I will leave at 9 o'clock, I expect 1 hour to the airport. Should be 30 minutes, but you're better off to add a little just in case. Normally it's no problem to get a taxi. But sometimes when you're in a hurry it can be hard to find them. So, well, I'm Soon in Singaporeout of here. But stay tuned for exciting updates in a few days. Most likely on Monday, maybe.

My trip was very close to end in a disaster. I was on my way down to the taxi when I realized that I had forgotten my snus. I can just imagine arriving to Singapore without snus, for sure, I would have taken first flight back to Bangkok.

Arriving to the airport at 10 o'clock and the first thing they told me at check in was that my flight was delayed by 40 minutes. What to do to kill time?

I went down to the Family Mart and I passed a Nero Cafe. How many of these Nero Cafes are there on the airport? I Passed and lo and behold, wasn't it “Miss Most Beautiful in the World”. I was not sure so I turned around to pass one more time. Sneaking by trying not to be too conspicuous. Yeah, good Soon in Singaporeluck! But I managed to almost running in to her, well it was not “Miss Most Beautiful in the World” so I went pack up to check in level and passed immigration.

I gave Cafe Nero inside the departure hall a try, you never know, they might have changed work schedules. But no luck and I went to the lounge to wait for my flight.

And what a coincident, I cutmy hair yesterday and now I read in Bangkok Post that the red shirts are shave their heads in protest. Strange, baldness is a statement for some people and it's just bad luck for people like me. But I have my “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” with me and who knows how I will look after this weekend.

Singapore
Well, arriving to Singapore and, yes, I had been drinking beer instead of wine during the flight to I was able to walk off the plane without any help. Good, I can fly with Thai airways again.
Singapore Airport
Singapore Airport
Passing Immigration and I was soon at an exchange office. I handed them my card and they told me that I had to wait for 10 minutes for confirmation before I could get any cash.
- OK, I can wait. But I'm not happy about it.
After 5 minutes they told me that I had to go to the ATM to get cash. I tried to explain the Singaporeproblem with the magnetic strip.
- No problem, the ATM reads the smart chip.
I tried the first ATM, no luck. Second ATM read the smart chip and I had Singapore cash in my pocket + the Thai Baht that I got yesterday. Good, it will be a nice weekend.

TAXI, but first a stop at a convenient store for a few beers for the trip. 3 cans of Tiger and I went to the TAXI stand. I had to wait for 15 seconds for my taxi and I could not believe my luck when I saw a big black car coming. I started to walk towards the car when the security guard held me back.
- If you want to go with that car it's 5 Dollars extra.
- No problem, I like to travel comfortable.
SingaporeI entered the car and I was yet again reminded about the 5 Dollars extra. Well, I must look like some European back packer coming to town.
- 5 Dollar, what's the big deal?
I asked him if he had a CD player. And yes he had a CD player in the car.
- I give you 20 Dollars extra if you play this CD.
I handed him the CD and the music was soon blasting high and I opened my first beer.

It didn't took us long to reach Novotel Clarke Quay and when the driver dropped me I told him that it was a very big and comfortable car. I asked him if he could come pick me up at 1 o'clock on Sunday.
Well, no problem and I have a comfortable ride back to the airport on Sunday. I took my weekend bag and I went to check in at my hotel.
Novotel
Novotel
I got my weekend bag to my room and I applied some of the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” before I left Singaporemy room. I got a taxi and first stop was Eskibar. Yes, it's great with the camera. You have all the times and where you have been. So this is how I know I went to the Eskibar first. I have not been there for, yes, it must have been for quite some times by now.

But I just stepped inside and they recognised me first thing. Strange, well, now you understand why I have to change school every now and then. Of course, it didn't take long before I had a bottle of Tiger in front of me. And so far I have Singaporemanaged to only drink beer. And I'm thinking about giving up wine and vodka. Yeah, seriously, you're getting drunk with memory lapses and, well, as we say in Sweden. Man blir ju riktigt apefull. So Singaporebeer is better and at least you last longer in to the evening.

I was soon moving towards the Clarke Quay and beer or not, I was pretty darn drunk. But that was kind a part of my plan. And Singaporemy hats, why do they always take my hats?
- HEY! PLEASE! I have a bald spot I try to cover!

Yes, I don't remember when I came back to my hotel. Or how I got back, but it's the first night and you always suffer from jet lag. And jet lag is Charisma Mans worst enemy and it brings out the Obnoxious Man.

And the best thing with being in a foreign country. If you have an accident the chances to meet this people again are very slim. But, hmm, doesn't seems to work for me. Never mind how long I stay away they always remember me. But so far I never have had any problems. At least no serious problems.

Charisma Man

+++++++++++++++
Saturday 27th of March 2010
and I popped 3 Loperamide first thing when I woke up. I was Singaporesoon back to sleep and I got out of bed a few hours later. Breakfast, of course, I missed the breakfast and there was a Singaporelunch buffet when I passed the restaurant. Well, I was not really hungry so I went to the 7-11 next door to buy me some milk.

I finished my milk and I walked down towards Boat Quay passing the Clarke Quay. Darn it was hot and the heat didn't do much to alleviate my hangover. I regretted that I had Singaporeleft my hotel room. I would have been better off back in my room watching a movie.

But of course, if I had stayed back at my room I would have missed the pedicab man.

I came walking down towards the Boat Quay from Clarke Quay when I was approached by a guy with a beer can in his hand.
- Hey my friend!
- Do I know you?
- I can take you around Singapore, he said pointing at his pedicab.
- You want me to go around Singapore on that??!!
SingaporeFor sure, going around Singapore on a pedicab is an embarrassment I can do very well without.
- 500KG, no problem! He said.
- Well, do you want me to go around Singapore with you drinking beer behind the handlebars?
- It's only water in the can!
- Yeah, fat chance!

I continued my walk and it was getting hotter and hotter and by the time I reached the New Bridge Road I decided to return to my hotel.

Singapore
I walked under the New Bridge and when I came up at the South bridge road I crossed Singapore River and I stopped a taxi at N Boat Quay Road.
Singapore
Yes, by then I had it with the heat and my hangover. So I told the driver to take me to Novotel Clarke Quay, just 3 minutes down the River Valley Road.
Singapore
Back in my room I ordered room service and a movie on demand. My favourite actor. I don't know his name, but he is bald and handsome. I don't think the ladies runs away when Singaporethis guy is coming around the corner.

- Well, maybe fame and money has a little significance as well.

Of course, when Porky they poor guy is coming bald like a football they will run for cover.
Well, chubby and bald, that's nothing a few beer can't Singaporecure. So when I finished my movie I left the hotel. At 14:30 I stepped in at the first bar, a 20 seconds walk from my hotel. As I said, Novotel is at a 5 star location.
- HELLO!! YOU ARE BACK!!
- What??!!
- You were here yesterday!
- Well....
- You drank a lot!
- Well, hmm, I just a few beers. Nothing to talk about.
Singapore- And Tequila. You were sitting like this, she said and she gave me the internationally recognised sign for the “CONCRET HAT ON”

- So I guess I was lucky that I was close to my hotel then.
- Where do you live?
- Novotel.
- Yes, just around the corner.
- Very convenient.
- Your friends are coming at 7.
- My friends?
- Yes, we had very fun yesterday.
Well, I looked at my wrist watch. Maybe I'm Singaporebetter off leaving before 7 o'clock. I don't know if I can handle meeting anyone from yesterday, at least not until I have had a few more beers.

I paid my beers and I walked down Clark Quay and my Singaporemood improved by every stop and my hangover were soon history. And when I was ready to go check out Eskibar I stopped a taxi. According to the clock in my camera the time was 4 minutes past 5 o'clock by then.

I told the driver to take me to Boat Quay and he suggested Orchard Road.
- There are plenty Thai prostitutes!
- And why the f@ck do I want to go see Thai Singaporeprostitutes in Singapore? Take me to Eskibar!

The only thing more annoying than “Very nice shirt” which I hear 1000 times per day is the “Do you have a girl friend?” And the waitress at Eskibar was no exception.
- Do you have a girl friend?
- No.
-WHY ??!!
Well, there are only 2 answers and make your pick: • I'm so handsome I can't make up my mind    choosing between all the beauties!
• I'm “big boned”, bald and ugly!

Asia, well, I'm not a racist, but they are not like Singaporeany other race I ever meet around the world. Maybe they just like ugly people and again, the waitress was no exception.
- OH, I think you're so handsome.
- What the ??!! Are you on drugs?

I ordered my first beer and the music were soon blasting high on the Richter scale. And beers, I had them coming in an constant flow. Tiger beer, one of the best. And it's from Singapore. But when I order a Tiger Light they just look puzzled.
- Tiger Light?? What is that?
Eskibar
Eskibar
And of course, a few Tigers later Charisma Man was in town. Nice to see you again!
Charisma Man
Tiger Light taste better than the Tiger. Same with SingaporeSan Miguel, taste like, yeah, not good. But the San Miguel Light tastes very good.

Well, anyway, after a case or so you really don't Singaporetaste the difference. Hell yeah, after a case of beer I even think I can drink a Singha Beer.

Yes, and talking about drinking a case of beer and to be socially responsible. I'm getting a wee bit too old for all this socialising and it felt like it was time to return to my hotel.

And seriously, why stay up party until 5 o'clock in the morning? I think it's more fun during Eskibarday time. Not so crowded at the bars and the people you meet are, at least most of the times, more fun than the people you are running in to 3 o'clock in the morning.

But of course, you cannot be disgracefully drunk 3 o'clock in the afternoon. But a little tipsy is OK, especially when you're on holiday.
Jaja, nu behöver jag inga dumma komentarer Björn!
+++++++++++++++
Sunday 28th of March 2010
and I woke up with an hangover force 9,9. 5 Loperamide tablets failed
Imodium

Generic name: Loperamide hydrochloride
Brand names: Imodium

Imodium controls symptoms of diarrhoea, including Traveller's Diarrhoea. It works by slowing the activity of the intestines and affecting the movement of water and chemicals through the bowel. It can be purchased over the counter in liquid and capsule form under the brand name Imodium A-D.

From http://www.drugs.com
to alleviate the hangover. And what a difference, time to go home and you really wished you could warp yourself Singaporeback home to your own bed.


Yesterday I woke up with a hangover, but it was Saturday and I was looking forward to a night on town. The only thing I have to look forward to today is a taxi trip to the airport and a 2 hours + something flight back home to FUNKY TOWN. Exactly
Björn,
d e ju inte så dumt det där med att par paket mjölk på morgonen när man e lite bagomafull!
how fun is that?

I ordered 2 pots of tea and 2 cheese & ham omelettes from room service and I checked out at 12 o'clock. My taxi will come and pick me up at 1 o'clock so I had time to buy some milk from the 7-11 next door.
Singapore
Yes, the view from my hotel room wasn't all that nice today. Yesterday morning it was a view of a promising night. With a raving hangover and a flight ahead of me it was a wee bit harder to appreciate the view.

Well, they came to pick me up in the Chrysler and we were soon off to the airport. The taxi driver, a very nice guy, went on and on. I didn't have the heart to tell him to shut up. A pounding hangover and it's not so easy to be nice,
- How do you like Singapore?
- Nice!
- Thank you! What about the hotel.
- Very nice!
- Thank you! Is this the first time at Novotel.
- Yes, I use to stay at Westin Stamford, but since Swissotel took over it has turned in to a hostel. - Yeah, I have heard many people saying the same thing.
- When Westin was running the place it was excellent.
- And now they lost you as a customer as well.
- Well, Novotel is half the price and much better. And the location is a 5 star, I said.
Arriving to FUNKY TOWN International 20 minutes after 5 and I was soon home. I can't say that FUNKY TOWNI had any stuff to unpack, but I had a shower before I was off to Ratchadapisek for some Spaghetti Carbonara.

I arrived to my friend 30 minutes after 8 and when I stepped in to his apartment I thought I FUNKY TOWNhad made it to the wrong apartment again. The place was full of people.
- YEAH! GREAT!
Just what I needed whit my hangover. Well, anyway, it's good for my social training and I need plenty social training.
- Do you want pizza?
- I thought you said it was Carbonara.
- Coming up, but we start with pizza.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
Pizza, well, it's a killer for my diet. I asked my friend if he was eating pizza every day.
FUNKY TOWN- No!
- The day after last time you told me you were making pizza as well.
- OK, I have pizza almost every day.

Spaghetti Carbonara, delicious, but the Thai people poured chilli over the spaghetti. They like it spicy. But chilli on Carbonara, together with ketchup!

Well, anyway, my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet took a serious hit. I was served pizza and spaghetti like there was no tomorrow. Well, I guess I need the vitamins FUNKY TOWNafter my weekend in Singapore. Really didn't eat anything except for some omelette. At least not what I can remember.

Time turned quick and it was soon midnight and it's another school day tomorrow. I can't say that my friends were enthusiastic about coming to school tomorrow morning. At least not very enthusiastic.

I took a taxi back home and I watched an episode of Dexter before falling asleep.

Monday 29th of March 2010 and I was half dead when my alarm went off at 8 o'clock. But its FUNKY TOWNschool week again and I can't stay lolling around in bed.

I had 5 hours in school today. 3 hours in my morning school and 2 hours at the afternoon school. And the Teacher at the afternoon school she is still not very comfy by my relaxed way of sitting in class. I had my foot up on the chair and when she got angry I moved the foot to the table.
- YOU WILL BREAKE MY CHAIR!!
- Hey! Relax a few degrees!

Today she started to shoot rubber bands at me. Yeah, like that is going to hurt. Before she always hit me with a bottle. And no, that didn't hurt either.

Well, we will see if she has relaxed until tomorrow. I will have my afternoon class at 3 o'clock. Normally I go to afternoon class at 1 o'clock, so I go straight from Walen to my afternoon school.

Today, well, something strange was going on at FUNKY TOWNWalen. One of the girls said that I was Naarak thisuut nay look. Well, Naarak doesn't necessary needs to means something. Well, it's a good thing and way better than Porky thisuut.

Well, maybe it's due to my 4 months of absence.
- Hmm, have they forgot who I am? After a few drinks is not Naarak Aladdin anymore.
Most likely not, but I got suspicious the other night when I was on my normal 9 o'clock constitutional to FOODLAND buy Mango and vegetables.
- Aladdin! We're going to drink beer! Join us!
- Yeah, fat chance!
I don't fancy going looking for a new school again.

When I came home from school I received e-mail with confirmation about my school, hotels and flights in Manila. I will leave FUNKY TOWN 16th of April and I will return 30th of April.
TG 620 16APR BANGKOK SUVARNABHUMI INTL MANILA 0905 1320
TG 625 30APR DTI1 MANILA BANGKOK SUVARNABHUMI INTL 2030 2245
Manila
Herald Suites Solana Makati features a recreation area, swimming pool, gymnasium and sauna where Manilaguests can relax, swim laps or workout. The pool area is an ideal venue to host private gatherings. (Read drinking wine and be drunk making a tit out of yourself)

Yeah, well, I have been at pool party in Manila to last me a life time. When people from the Swedish Embassy started to show up Aladdin Manilatook the chance to disappear quietly. And this girl, the cousin to the head of foreign affairs in Manila threatened to take my passport if I didn't became her boyfriend. What the hell is wrong with people?

Well, maybe I will have the time to spend another weekend in Singapore before it's time to go to Manila. And coming back the 30th of April and the only sad thing is that my Italian friend has returned back home to Italy by then. He got married while I was in Singapore and now he and his wife will leave Thailand after 9 months.

And of course, while in Manila I will look for art. I have been looking for Joseph Bañez for a long time now. Well, I will see if I can find something. But where will I put the paintings?

Well, yet another day has come to an end on my very short holiday. Soon weekend again and I will see what's happening. I would like to go to Tokyo, but it's still too cold. Maybe its warmer when I'm coming back from Manila.
+++++++++++++++
Tuesday 30th of March 2010
and my alarm went off at 8 as usually. I wouldn't mind sleeping for a FUNKY TOWNfew hours more, but I need to get to school. And I arrived in the nick of time, they just FUNKY TOWNstarted class when I arrived.

When we finished the second hour I discovered an old class mate sitting outside the class room. When I got out from the class room I asked if he was picking up his Thai studies again.
- No, I have a meeting and we decided to meet here at school before we go sign the contract.
FUNKY TOWN- We have one more hour so let's go for lunch when we finish school.

My friend is a vegetarian so we decided to go to an Indian vegetarian restaurant on Soi 11. FUNKY TOWNGood, my afternoon school starts at 3 o'clock so I need to kill some time. I had some cheese pharata, the only thing I ate when I was in India. I had some, well, I think its called masala. Some kind of Indian crepes and it was all FUNKY TOWNdelicious. And healthy, at least I hope so.

Time to pay the bill and my friend asked how much I used to tip. He left 50 Bath and instantly he spilt all of the, yeah, whatever they call the sauce over the table.
- Well, I guess 50 Bath is not enough anymore, he said bringing
James,

if the left hand picture isn't enough to get the Japanese girl to dinner I don't know what.
out his valet again.

We left the place and I took off to my travel agent and I made it back to my school on Soi 11 just in time for 3 o'clock. But I was tired so I didn't sit full time in school. I left 30 minutes earlier after that my Teacher spent most of the time hitting me with a ruler screaming: NANG DII DII!!
Yes, I'm getting sick'n tired of it no, but it makes class a little more exciting.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
Coming home from school and there was an e-mail from our former Cook. Yeah, the very same Ek-Rivergiving me a hard time every time I tried to have a snack.

First of all she wrote that my favourite actor, the bald and handsome guy's name was Stanton something.
- WOW! Interesting!!
Then she went on about our Pizza and Past fiesta. And there was nothing stopping her.
- How can you go to Singapore without eating the famous pepper crab?
- I'm on diet? I had a raving hangover? I really don't like crab? I had other things to do?
FUNKY TOWNBut she receives 10 out of 10 possible because of her concern for my diet. And I need all the support I can get right now.

I was in my bed doing homework when Leonardo called. I could hear that he had been drinking and 1 hour later he was knocking on my door.

Obviously I will miss school tomorrow, but I need FUNKY TOWNto be in school at 12 o'clock to pick up my Teacher. She will help me to do my house book at the Government office on Soi 55. Well, that's tomorrow and today it's party.

Well, anyway, after a few bottles of wine we took a taxi to Thonglor Soi 10. There are plenty discos and clubs so I guess it will be a full night. Well, honestly, I don't remember when or how I got home. But that's nothing unusual with that. Actually, it's happen every time. And what happened with my “Beer only” plans? Yesterday it was “Wine and Vodka only”.
+++++++++++++++
Wednesday 31st of March 2010
and some Bozo called me at 8 o'clock in the morning. I answered and there was only distortion in the phone.
- What the ??!!
I popped 3 Loperamide and I felt a sleep again waking up when my alarm went off FUNKY TOWNat 10:30. Of course, I was a NO SHOW at class today. But I have to be in school at 12 to pick up my Teacher and then we will go to pick up another girl at a translation company at Asoke before going to the Government office.

We took off from Asoke in a taxi and we arrived to the Governments FUNKY TOWNoffice just before one o'clock so we had to wait for a few minutes before the lady in charge came back from lunch.

Well, I don't know how many times I have been here by now. But it has been sullen faces every time. But today they were all happy to see us. Maybe because my Teacher is a Lawyer, or maybe they were just in a very good mood.

Things went very smooth, well, at least until my travel agent called with some very disturbing news regarding my Manila ticket.
- Business class is full to and from Manila the dates you want to go
- So you mean that I have to go by monkey class?
Well, that's something I look forward to. OK, we had to go in to the Manager at the government office for a last interview before I could get my house book.
- Why do you want to live in Thailand?
- Sweden is cold.
- Sweden and Thailand are very good friends!
- ??!!
- You have a king as we have in Thailand. Very good friends.
FUNKY TOWNWho would have thought that I ever would found use for the Swedish king? He stamped my papers and we went out to get my house book. We were ready so the translator could go home. Well, as my Teacher said:
- Why didn't you ask me for help and you would not have needed any translator.

We left the government office 30 minutes after 3 FUNKY TOWNo'clock and we went straight to Tony Romas between Soi 3 and 5. Yes, of course, I had a full slab of Tony's famous baby backs. My Teacher ordered a small slab and he could not finish it.
- Maybe this is the trick? If I should fly monkey class to Manila I need to get from 1,8 meter to 30 cm between my back pockets in a jiff. And I really mean in a jiff. Departure FUNKY TOWNdates is only 2 weeks away so I can't go to Tony Romas every day.

OK, my Teacher suggested that I should by some plastic pockets for my house documents so I stopped at Robinson before going home. And at home I called Thai Airways to see if they could put me on waiting list for business class. They told me to call back tomorrow morning. The Bangkok to Manila leg is full, but there might be FUNKY TOWNa seat from Manila to Bangkok, the most important leg. So hopefully I can get a confirmed seat tomorrow.

Well, I had a shower, a quick one, and I was off for dinner with my friends on Soi 22. I was a few minutes late and of course no taxi in sight.
- What the ??!!
My friend called me:
- Where are you?
- I will be there in a few minutes.
- Do you want me to order for you?
- No worries, I will soon be there.
Of course, the traffic was at a full stop so I called my friend and I asked him to order an avocado salad for me. The avocado salad was at my place when I arrived so it was just to dig in. Well, it was a nice evening and we spent almost 3 hours before we left the place.
+++++++++++++++
Thursday 1st of April 2010
and I can't say that I jumped out of bed when my alarm went off at 8 o'clock. It took e a few minutes to wake up, but as soon as I was out of bed I got started with my new GOOD MORNING routines.
- Exercise?
No, no push ups and sit ups even though this is what I would need. Yes, 500 push ups and 500 sit ups would be the day to start my day. But this is not how I start my day. My new GOOD MORNING routines are to grease up my scalp with virgin coconut oil. The virgin coconut oil in combination with the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” will make my hair come back in no time.

As soon as I had greased up my scalp with the oil I went to the kitchen. I turned on some of my new Trip Hop (Full blast) and then I put on a kettle of tea. And when it was time to leave for FUNKY TOWNschool I was in a much better mood. I had called Thai Airways and I had a confirmed seat BKK - MAN - BKK in biz. Yesterday it was full,
James,

I need you back in school. You're my SPIRITUAL LEADER not some girl trying her hocus-pocus and religious mumbo jumbo with me.
but they asked me to call back today and, well, I got my seat.

There is one girl at school and every time I see her she tries to foist some Harekrishna books on me.
- I don't have any time, but I would love to read the book. Seems like a page turner.
- It only takes 10 minutes to read the book.
- Yeah, I would have given a million for 10 minutes of spare time so I could enjoy the book.

And who the wants' to read the book “Birth & Death”. No, if she offered books like “Get your FUNKY TOWNhair back in 2 weeks” or “Handsome in a jiff” I would have brought them back home without any hesitation.

Well, I was off to my afternoon school and my Teacher had her pink pen she bought in Japan last year. A f@cking ball pointed pen, pink with Snoopy or Mickey Mouse on the darn thing. Yeah, I'm sure this is something you would have appreciated when you're like 7. But she is 60!!
- Do you know where I bought this?
Obviously she had forgotten that we had to leave her school for 2 weeks last year when she came back from Japan with her pen. Impossible to be in class when she went on and on about her new pen from Japan. (Most likely made by child labour in China)

Well, anyway, I ignored her pen and she shoved the darn thing up in my face. I was still ignoring the pen and she put the darn thing on my book.

I pushed away the darn pen, but she always made sure the darn thing was within my sight. Seriously, does she think that I would be impressed by a two dollar ballpoint pen?
- ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE DARN PEN!

I left 30 minutes early and I took a taxi to Thai's office at Silom to get my ticket. I had brought cash to pay for the upgrade.
- Do you want to pay cash or with miles
- I can pay with cash.
Well, but they deducted miles from my account instead. Impossible yesterday when I spoke with them. Well, never mind. Now I have my valet full of cash and what to do? Drink beer?
Yes, Thursday and the weekend starting early. My friend called and asked if I wanted to come FUNKY TOWNover for some food and something to drink. I must have misunderstood him because when I came in to his room there were 4 beautiful girls.
- Where is the guy from Austria?
- Austria?
- Yeah, you told me there was some friends from Austria coming over. Well, I was lucky that I brought as few beers instead of a diet drink. Beautiful girls and I need Charisma Man to come here quickly. Yes, Charisma Man can handle the beautiful girls way better than Porky does.
Charisma Man
No, instead of sex tourists from Austria it was a Korean girl doing researches about human rights FUNKY TOWNin SE Asia at one of the universities here in Bangkok. Don't ask me which. Her friend from the North of Thailand
Björn,
d e ju tur att man lärt sig att uppföra sig! Du kommer väl ihåg rysaren men den Koreanska adoptiv flickan hos Bjäbbens granne. Ja, det måste du ju göra eftersom du inte gör annat än o p'minner mig om den fadäsen. Vi knackar på dörren.
- Vem e dä?
- D e vi!
Dumma som dom var så öppnade dom dörren och vi drack up deras sprit. Sen säger man till den Koreanska (Snygg var hon) adoptiv flickan att hon kunde stoppa till i Bangkok nästa gång hon flög hem. HEM??!! Hon håll ju på att falla i gråt stackaren,
also doing some research and her older sister.

The Korean girl was, yeah, as she said.
- My parents are from Korea but I'm from USA.
- Poor girl, I said.
Well, who wants' to live in the USA? Not me, I'm happy in FUNKY TOWN. Well, Charisma Man was at his best and of course I gave my name card to the older sister. Usually a big mistake to hand out your number, FUNKY TOWNespecially when you're drunk.
- Thank you! I will call you!
- What the ??!! Then I need a picture of you.
I asked for a pen and a paper and I asked her to hold the paper in front of her so I could take the picture.
- Why?
I told them the horror story about me going on a date at Marriott. I meet a girl at RCA. Disco, loud music, FUNKY TOWNflashing lights, otherwise dark and you're dead drunk. This girl was of course the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Well, anyway, I woke up 9 o'clock the next morning when she called to wake me up.
- Hello! Do you remember me? - Of course! (I had not a f@cking clue)
- Do you want to meet?
Of course, I was still drunk and this sounded like the best plan ever.
- Marriott at 8 o'clock, I suggested.
I was delirious with expectations, but as the morning turned to afternoon and the hangover got worse and worse this excellent plan seemed more and more like the most stupid idea ever. I was at Marriott at 8 and I didn't have a clue what she looked like. There was a girl coming up to me.
- Hello Aladdin!
- What the ??!!
I almost shat myself. She was 120 cm tall and luckily enough she was wearing expensive clothes. But FUNKY TOWNimagine she coming up with a Mickey Mouse t-shirt!! Pure horror. We finished dinner in a record breaking time and I was about to leave for home. I really didn't felt like walking around town with a girl measuring 120 cm.
- We can go see a movie, she suggested.
- Are you kidding me?

Well, I'm a nice guy so I took her to a movie and then I was straight back home.
- I'm sorry, I have to go on a business trip and I will be back in 5 years. I call you!

Well I don't know if it was because his neighbour showed up with a bottle of vodka or if it was the Obnoxious Man coming around. But the girls left.

Charisma Man

But they were soon calling again, they had for got some bag and as the gentleman I am I took a FUNKY TOWNmotorcycle taxi over to the subway station to hand over the bag. They were happy when I came with the bag, and of FUNKY TOWNcourse, I had hidden one of my name cards in her bag just to make sure she would get it. Most likely she had threw away the first one I gave her when she passed the first garbage FUNKY TOWNbin. Yes, this is how I operate. Well, anyway, when the girl left it was like, well, not very fun anymore so we decided to go to RCA.

But first our French friend wanted us to go check out his FUNKY TOWNapartment and have a vodka before we left.

After the vodka, (yes my BEER ONLY plan has really gone down the drain) and the French Hip Hop it was kind of a blur.

But we arrived to RCA and we were soon having a bottle of vodka on the table. How I got home? Most likely in a taxi. What time I got home? I have no clue.
+++++++++++++++
Friday 2nd of April 2010
and I woke up with a severe hangover, I pooped 3 Imodium and I felt asleep again. Then some Bozo called about my parking lots.
- Call back at 5 !
I have 2 parking lots and now they have been knocking on my door all day long wanting me to sign a paper that they are allowed to use my parking spaces. What the we came home 10 o'clock the other night and both my spaces were occupied so we could not park the car.

But the most disturbing call was from my Teacher.
- So you were drunk yesterday!
- What the !!?? How do you know that.
- The other Teacher called me just now and you had called her 1 o'clock this morning.
- What the ??!! I don't remember f@ck all of that. And what did I say?
Well, I hope I didn't used some of J's SMS poetry, then I can expect a hit man anytime soon so I'm better of stay well clear of my Teachers. But it was heart warming to hear that they never gets angry at me.
- Was she angry when I called?
- No, of course not. We never get angry at you.
- Why?
- I will tell you next time we meet!
Well, will she show up with a gun next time?

Well, seems like they (not the Teachers) want to go for a drink tonight. It's Friday fer f@cks FUNKY TOWNsake so it's socially accepted to be a wee bit drunk even though my Teacher don't agree with me.

Well, I went to buy 2 cases of beer at my local 7 Eleven. FUNKY TOWNBut they are not allowed to sell alcohol until after 5 o'clock so I had to return home with 2 bottles of milk.

I returned home to drink my milk and 5 minutes before 5 o'clock I left for 7 Eleven again.
- 2 cases of Heineken.
- We don't have 2 cases
- OK, give me what you have.
I got 15 big bottles and 10 small bottles and I returned home. Coming back home and I found out that they had found my friend. He disappeared at RCA yesterday and no one heard from him until late this afternoon. Good news!

Not so good news is that Miss Most Beautiful in the World have to go attend business tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. But hopefully I can meet her on Saturday. Yeah with a hangover force 9,9. Today my hangover was peaking on an almost full 10 during the afternoon and the chances for me being very charming tomorrow are very slim.

And the best news, my Teacher called and asked if I wanted to join her for dinner. So obviously she was not angry for my 1 o'clock in the morning call. Actually the first thing she said was:
- KITHUUNG KRAI THISUUT?
- You of course!
- I'm going for dinner at 6 thirty. Do you want to join?
- I'm sorry, I really wish but I have some people coming over tonight.
- OK, maybe next week.
- I would be very happy, I said.
So that turned out well, but I still wish that they could have a Alco lock on the phones.

My friends arrived around 8 o'clock. They had stopped by at Carrefour to buy the food and they FUNKY TOWNgot right on to the cooking. Well, my friend's wife is the cook, I mean, she is a really good cook so while she was FUNKY TOWNcooking we drank a few beers. My friend tried to get connected with the girl from yesterday night on MSM or whatever they call it. She was not online and my friend asked if he should call her and ask her to go to an internet shop.
- Please! NO! She will think I'm a total nitwit.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
The food was excellent and there was nothing left. It's a different story when I try to impress FUNKY TOWNthe girls with my cooking. No one is eating and last time I had to FUNKY TOWNthrow away 3 kg of Swedish Sticky Rice.

But the beer and vodka goes down much quicker than my darn sticky rice. Well, we were soon pretty drunk all of us and my hangover were forgotten long ago. Now I only hope my neighbours will forget about us and our music, but I guess that will take a wee bit longer.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
It was soon midnight and we needed to get out if we should make it to any clubs in time. Where to FUNKY TOWNgo? It was 30 minutes past midnight when we decided to go to GLOW. And of course, one more beer before we left FUNKY TOWNand then yet again a last drink before we left.
- Hey, finish our drinks so we can go!

I could not believe my eyes when they brought out the ice cream.
- Where the did that came from?
And who brings ice cream to a party or as my friend asked me. “How can they eat ice cream while drinking beer?”
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
So it was way past one o'clock when we arrived to GLOW. And as I can remember it I was welcome. There was still this girl running around speaking with me.
- Aladdin this and that
So obviously they have not forgotten me. But as I remember it they were happy to see me again.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
Well, time turns quick and it was soon time to go home. I went around town with my French friend FUNKY TOWNand when we ended up at Soi 13 it was time for me to go home. And I'll be darned. I stopped at the LITTLE ITALY again.

I swear to God, next time I'm going for a drink FUNKY TOWNI will call and make a bomb threat to the darn place so they have to close when I go home in the morning.

And of course, leaving the place I slipped (Yes maybe I had had a few beer too many) and felt bouncing off the taxi down on the street. The first thing I did was to take out my camera to get a picture of the taxi driver coming to help me up.
+++++++++++++++
Saturday 3rd of April 2010
and obviously there should not only be Alco locks on the phones but on the e-mail as well.
- Hmm, but then we would have missed the following classic.
I got out of bed at 2 o'clock in the afternoon and I went to the kitchen 30 minutes later for a refill of cold water. I checked my e-mail.
“She becken no homen so what Fecken can I doen you crazy fellow, If I deken liken youen so muchen I would give youen a kiken in the assen”
OK, I have a hangover but still, after reading it 12 times I still didn't understand. What the f@ck does he mean? Then I discovered the whole e-mail and I felt of the chair laughing.
FUNKY TOWN
Well, it's Saturday but it felt like a Sunday when I was at 7 Eleven to buy FUNKY TOWNmilk. When I picked up the milk I realized that it was Saturday and
James,
Thanks for replying on my EARLY MORNING e-mail. Without your reply I would most likely not have discovered the e-mail.

Really made my day and my hangover were cured in a jiff.
that I most likely need some milk for tomorrow as well. Saturday and it's socially accepted to have a few drinks and I will most likely need some hangover milk for tomorrow.
But today I was lucky, my hangover disappeared instantly when I read the e-mail from my friend. Well, it's fun one time, but if I write a second e-mail like that its only embarrassing. But James, now you know that you're always on my mind. And of course, as soon as I realized that I sent this e-mail I checked the sent box and luckily enough there was no stupid e-mails to my Teachers.

And of course, Saturday and a few friends is on the way over so I guess I will have a slight hangover tomorrow again, but God help me avoiding the LITTLE ITALY when I get back home.

LITTLE ITALY, not good. But it could be worse. My friend forgot a bag of cat sand here yesterday. A few days ago they had been out drinking and they came home with 2 kittens FUNKY TOWNin the morning. So I guess I'm lucky if LITTLE ITALY is the worst thing I have done. Stupid e-mails, that's nothing.

I spoke with my spiritual leader about it and we had a good laugh about it.
- I thought you were cursing me in Swedish!
- No, I don't have a clue what it is.
But I made him promise not to tell anyone that I pissed myself laughing when I read it.
- I had to go take a shower. But don't tell FUNKY TOWNanyone! PLEASE!
Well, my friends arrived just after 6 o'clock and it didn't took long before we FUNKY TOWNhad beers and a bottle of whiskey on the table.

Yesterday we ended up at GLOW and today we were going to look for SOHO at Ratchadapisek. No one of us had been there FUNKY TOWNbefore so we thought that we could ask a taxi driver.

Well, we needed to get 2 taxis and off we went looking for SOHO. I was in a car with what I thought were 2 guys and I was up front babbling on like there was no tomorrow. At Ratchadapisek we stopped at the other taxi.
FUNKY TOWN
WHAT!! This taxi was full and who the hell is ridding with me?
I turned around to see who was riding with me. Yes, what a surprise. My friend was sleeping in the back so obviously I had been talking to myself and the driver must have thought that I was crazy.

We never found SOHO so I returned to GLOW and yes, I took a picture of the girl always going around saying:
- Aladdin, tonight you have to behave
FUNKY TOWNI had only been drinking beer yesterday so I was not all that drunk and I discovered that there were 2 girls going around saying:
- Aladdin, tonight you have to behave
- What the ??!! I'm always behaving.

I don't know why, they looked a wee bit sullen. Maybe because they are single and I'm not available.
- Hmm, I really don't think so.

Coming home, what time? I don't know. But I know that I didn't send any stupid e-mails and I didn't call my Teacher so it had been a pretty good night.
At least what I know off, but you never know what you will find out in the future.
+++++++++++++++
Sunday 4th of April 2010
and I got out of bed at 1 o'clock to get a refill of cold water. My Italian FUNKY TOWNfriend called and told me that he just had talked with the Most Beautiful Girl in the World. And yes, I knew who she is
Baan Khanitha

(36/1 Sukhumvit, Soi 23, Phone: 0-2258-4128), which has been voted Bangkok's best for a number of years.
thanks to my new idea to take the pictures of everyone you meet.

Well, anyway, he told me that she and her friends would come for dinner tonight so I made a reservation for 7 persons at Baan Khanitha for 6 o'clock.

Well, so I'm better off staying in bed until 6 o'clock so I'm at FUNKY TOWNmy best at 6. But surprisingly enough, no hangover. But of course, it will be a different story at 6 o'clock tonight.

My spiritual guide called and he told me that I was on for dinner with the Japanese girl Tuesday night.
- WHAT!!?? I need to get on to a chock diet so I look good in a jiff.
- Don't drink or eat until Tuesday. You will
James,
is not like I think you're stupid or something. But I just don't believe in your diet.

I think the best option is to arrive a wee bit drunk. You know, after a few beers you're the most handsome guy in the world.
lose 5 kg easily, my spiritual guide advised me.
Because I really need to meet this Japanese freak. The most beautiful girl wanting to meet the ugliest guy in the world. WHAT THE F@CK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Well, maybe I have to have a few ambers before going to the dinner. I FUNKY TOWNremember a few years ago. My friend sat me up on a blind date. I had 25 B-52s before leaving . And believe me, you could not find any more handsome guy in the whole of FUNKY TOWN after 25 B-52s. Well, of course, when I arrived it took the girl less than 20 seconds to disappear. Well, her loss, I mean, her chances of finding such a dashing and exciting guy again is less than slim.

My friends arrived to my place just before 6o'clock and we took the walk to FUNKY TOWNBaan Khanita.

- Our friends will be a little late. She had some trouble with her car, they told me.
- Why not take a taxi?

I little late, motherf@ckers! 90 minutes later they called and asked if my friend could bring some products from their shop with them to the restaurant. Obviously they thought that we were still at home.
- We're just finished with our meal.

Well, imagine when this people start flying around in the space shuttle or if they ever will be in charge over a nuclear power plant. Pure horror. I don't know if it's the lack of education or if they just don't give a damn. And I always have to listen to how much money foreigners makes and how little salary the Thai people have. F@cking A, 6 o'clock is FUNKY TOWN6 o'clock and if you can't tell the time you should not have much for a salary.

How f@cking hard can it be to plan to go from A to B? And how the hell did I get mixed up with people like this? I make a reservation for 7 persons and 3 is coming, a major embarrassment. FUNKY TOWNAnd a waste of time.

Well, getting back home and my Teacher called. Obviously she hasn't given up the idea of playing badminton and we will play at 3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon.

I took a taxi to Ram Intra to return my friend's FUNKY TOWNglasses that he lost yesterday. They stayed in the middle of nowhere and I got directions via my phone. And of course, my friends are well known FUNKY TOWNand when they saw a foreigner arriving in a taxi the parking guy just pointed to room behind the restaurant.

It didn't took me long to realise that this was not an FUNKY TOWNHIGH END hotel, quite the opposite. But there was a Karaoke machine in the room and the Thai music was at full blast.

Well, I stayed for 2 Heineken and then I returned home. I have school and badminton tomorrow so I need all the sleep I can get. Especially after a long weekend like this. 3 days of partying is maybe a wee bit too much for an old guy like me. But I feel way better than expected.

And now the next thing to look forward to, yes, of course the badminton tomorrow. But the dinner with my friend and the Japanese girl. The restaurant we had planned to go to is closed on Tuesday so the Japanese girl suggested a restaurant on Soi 24. And she is, according to rumours well educated. She has a condo on Soi Thonglor and she should be able to calculate the travel time from Soi 55 to Soi 24.
Monday 5th of April 2010 and my alarm went off at 8 o'clock. Greasing up my scalp with coconut oil before going to make my tea and to have a plate of TUNA SURPRISE ®. A shower and some “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” before going to school and today I'm dressed for badminton leaving my apartment because I will go to the badminton place at Queen Sirikit National Convention Centre straight from school and I'm sure the sport look will fit me.
FUNKY TOWN
But one thing is for sure, next time I have partied for 3 days I will stay home from school Monday. The first 2 hours were terrible. My Teachers was trying their best to pep me and the FUNKY TOWNthird hour the Teacher gave me some candy and I became full of vim and last hour was pretty fun.

But my afternoon school was spent sleeping and my Teacher was annoyed. First of all I came a little late. Badminton in the afternoon and I need some energy so I stopped at the Indian restaurant we ate the other day for a quick lunch before going to school.

Well, service was not what I expected and I decided not to go there again. I got my Masala, but no water. I tried to get the waitress over to my table and when she finally came I asked where my water was. The water arrived and I asked for my Cheese pharata. She was only giggling.
FUNKY TOWN- Where is the Cheese pharata?
Then she just left and I suspect she didn't spoke f@ck all English.

Hmm, maybe it was my lunch making me fall asleep during afternoon school.

I arrived to the Queen Sirikit National Convention Centre at 3 o'clock. But where the is the badminton place? I called my Teacher when we FUNKY TOWNarrived to the Queen Sirikit National Convention Centre.
The driver dropped me at a sport club but I could only see tennis courts. I asked for the badminton place and a girl pointed me around FUNKY TOWNthe corner. My Teacher was coming running towards me and we got in to the badminton hall.

Of course, the first thing they asked was how old my badminton racket was.
- Hmm, must be 15 years old.
The band or whatever they call it had felt of my handle so one of the guys helped me to put a new yellow band around my handle. Turned out that this guy was a previous world champion in badminton so I guess the value of my racket increased.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
And Thai people are very friendly and when they saw me, the only foreigner all of them wanted to FUNKY TOWNplay with me.
-Hmm, maybe I did the mistake to mistake friendliness for their wishes to kick Porky's arse.

I started to play with my Teacher and after one game I FUNKY TOWNwas about to die. Yes, I swear to you, I was about to die. I was sitting drinking water like there was no tomorrow when my Teacher came with two girls.
- They want to play with us.
How can I say no? So I and my Teacher played double with FUNKY TOWNthe girls and we got our arses kicked big time. 2 games and now I was more dead than alive. I returned to the bench and more water.

I was trying to hide behind the corner when the Teacher FUNKY TOWNand the 2 girls came again.
- One more game!
- !!
OK, I could not say no so I was soon up and playing again. I and my Teacher got our arses kicked every time but now the two girls started to get exhausted and now we only lost by 21 to 20.

That was my last game and now I just didn't care to keeping up appearance as a Superman anymore. Now I just said NO every time they asked if I wanted to play a game. I'm here trying to get myself to look good, not to kill myself.
FUNKY TOWN
I was on the bench drinking water watching my Teacher playing a few more games. When she was FUNKY TOWNready she made mango sticky rice for us and we went outside to eat. Well, FUNKY TOWNthere goes the plan to get a V-shaped torso down the drain.

Mango sticky rice is my favourite and we enjoyed the Thai dessert for an hour or so. If you ask me this was an hour or so too much. I got to know everything I had done and said while drunk. Not the most fun to listen to but I always remember:
- We never get angry at you.

Well, coming home and my Teacher was right. I watched a movie for 10 minutes before falling asleep.
But it had been a very nice day, and Thai people are very nice people. Friendly and fun to be with. And I really don't understand how people can torture themselves by sitting in a plane for 12 to 14 hours. Yes, never mind if you flying KLM's ECONOMY COMFORT.

And arriving to FUNKY TOWN, (one of the most fun cities in the world) just to spend their time at beer garden or at Pat pong, pure ghastliness. Well, I will never forget FUNKY TOWNmy disappointment when they built the Interexchange building at the Asoke Sukhumvit intersection. If they could have only built it 50 meters further up Asoke road it would have ended up smack on top of Soi Cowboy and we would never have had to seen this place again.

Or to walk up Sukhumvit buying all the crap they are selling there. And believe me, a 1 dollar shirt is a 1 dollar shirt never mind if it says Lacoste on the shirt. Who buys shit like this?

It looks like a darn refugee camp between Soi 3 and 15. Why don't they just stop this? For sure not improving the image of Thailand. The Police should tear down all the stalls and burn the crap in public.
+++++++++++++++
Tuesday 6th of April 2010
and I woke up at 10:30, after 11 hours of sleep. And I could hardly get out of bed. My body was aching after all the badminton yesterday. Yes, my Teacher was right yesterday, after some HEAVY DUTY exercise you sleep well. Same when I was
Chakri Day

is celebrated to remember the founding of the ruling Chakri dynasty of Thailand with great enthusiasm all over the country.

Chakri Day is observed on April 6 to commemorate the contribution of the kings of Chakri dynasty, who have been ruling Thailand since 1782. The day is a medium for the faithful people of Thailand to express their love and reverence to the mighty kings.

The Celebrations
On this day, the people of Thailand perform meritorious acts for the great kings of the ruling dynasty. People are led in ceremonies by King Bhumibol Adulyadej, who is the ninth king of the dynasty. The King, accompanied by members of the royal family, presides over the religious ceremonies held at the royal chapel. He pays respects to his predecessors at the Royal Pantheon and proceeds for laying wreath at the statue of King Rama I at the Memorial Bridge. All government officials including the prime minister take part with the King in the wreath-laying ceremony.
boxing back in the days, never any problem to sleep.

Well, today it's the Chakri Day and school is closed so it was really nice to be able to sleep until 10:30. And a holiday waking up without a hangover was very nice.

I spent the day in bed and at 5 o'clock I left for Emporium where I FUNKY TOWNwill meet my friend and the Japanese girl. Yes, I'm a wee bit early, but I need to look for a new mobile phone.

The Japanese girl arrived 3 minutes late.
- OH!! I'm so sorry to be late!
- Yeah, meeting with some Thai and they can arrive 2 hours late, if they come at all. But the best was the nitwit calling 90 minutes late asking us to bring some stuff from home.
- HEY BOZO! We're already finished with the meal and we're FUNKY TOWNgetting the f@ck out of here.

Well, anyway, I felt uneasy as soon as the Japanese arrived. The most beautiful girl I ever seen and here I am bald and BIG BONED looking like the human balloon. Yeah, I could not help but thinking to myself:
- What the f@ck am I doing here? And how could I fail so completely with my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet? DARN DARN DARN!
FUNKY TOWN
James: “If I deken liken youen so muchen I would give youen a kiken in the assen” FUNKY TOWNWhat the f@ck were you thinking setting up this beautiful girl with Porky?

We took the walk from Emporium to Soi 24/1 and the vegetarian restaurant. Both of them vegetarians so I felt like a killer don't mind having one of Tony Romas famous baby backs. And the menu, mutton and duck. Why call it mutton when it looks like FUNKY TOWNginger and tastes like, well, with the sweet chilli sauce it was pretty good. I think it's made out of soy. So why call it mutton, it don't taste like mutton. And the duck, made out of God knows what, Didn't taste like duck. Well, never mind, I was there for the company

My friend called and we agreed to met at Old Dutch on Soi 23 FUNKY TOWNwhen I finished with my dinner. I had had enough of the humiliation. Yes, I'm sitting there like a nitwit thinking I'm having a chance to get married to this beautiful woman. Yes, pure humiliation and I was in a hurry out of there. James: “If I deken liken youen so muchen I would give youen a kiken in the assen”

Coming to RCA and we ordered a bottle of vodka FUNKY TOWNand a jar of orange juice. And after 2 glass ( half the bottle) I saw something I never saw FUNKY TOWNbefore. My friend was up dancing.

Yes, that's what vodka does to you. I wish I was dancing as well, but I was staggering around falling over table and FUNKY TOWNstuff. So I had 2 guys following me with a mop, broom and a dustpan.

Well as no surprise we lost each other after a few hours and well, this is nothing to get upset by.

But the staff is always happy and friendly and I tried to FUNKY TOWNgive them a 1000 Bath tip.
- No Sir, not necessary!
I put the bill in his pocket and he could not refuse the tip because I was out of there in 0,5.

Well, I have no clue when I got home, but RCA and I take the route via Asok and we don't pass LITTLE ITALY
+++++++++++++++
Wednesday 7th of April 2010
and I woke up with a hangover force 9,7. I went to 7 Eleven at 2 FUNKY TOWNo'clock to buy some hangover milk. I went back to bed when I came back home.

My friend from the dinner called and asked me to call the Japanese girl.
- No, I don't know. She will be scared
- She will be happy.
- I don't have her number.
Yes, clever as I am I erased all e-mails with her phone numbers yesterday. Yeah, great embarrassment to call her when you're coming home drunk.
- I will send you her number again.
- Why does a beautiful girl like that want to hang out with a loser like me?
- HEY! NOW YOU CALL!!
-OK, but if she tells me she don't have time to meet “I would give youen a kiken in the assen”
I told him that I would call her and that I would call him back.
- She didn't reply. She must have an “DON'T ANSWER” alarm on her phone.
FUNKY TOWN- She is at work. Call her tonight.
- No, now I have done my part.

I got out of bed at 3 o'clock and I discovered an e-mail from THAI VISA. What the is this? I have not put an ad at Thai Visa.
James,
are you the one coming up with this? And Aladdin doesn't spell Alladin. But I guess I can't complain about spelling after my e-mail the other day


At first I shat myself. What have I done? But then I saw the Aladdin was spelled Alladin so I knew it wasn't me. But who? And “LADIES ONLY PLEASE” Looks more like a lonely heart ad.
FUNKY TOWN
And what the f@ck do I know about teaching Swedish? Exactly f@ck all, but obviously someone FUNKY TOWNthink it's a great idea to meat a nice girl.
Well, anyway, my friends called and they wanted to go to an Indian restaurant on Soi 7
- Indian restaurant?! Have you turned crazy?
- Yeah, we will go now.
- Well, let's make it in one hour.
- One hour, we want to go now.
- Hey, I'm still in bed and I can be there until 16:30.
FUNKY TOWN- OK, let's meet there in one hour.

I arrived a few minutes before 16:30 and my friends arrived 1 minute later. I had planned to drink water, yeah, school day tomorrow. But my friend FUNKY TOWNordered Heineken so I had to order Tiger beer. And it was like a miracle, 5 Tiger beers later my hangover was a goner.

After a few minutes I discovered that my friend was wearing sandals.
- What the ??!! It's like a beach guard convention in here, I said.
Same yesterday when I went out with my friend, we meet at Old Dutch and he asked what I wanted to do. I looked under the Renting shoestable and I discovered that he was wearing real shoes.
-OK, let's try RCA or Thonglore, I suggested.
FUNKY TOWNYeah, I remember last time at Thonglore with my friend. Yes, same story, dressed for a beach guard convention and he had to hire shoes to get in to the disco.

I was a wee bit tipsy when we left the Indian restaurant and I went to meet a friend at Soi 20. 2 more beers and he went to buy food.
- Come over later on and we have a drink and some food.
-OK, I will be over around 8, I said.

Well, when I came home Leonardo called and he wanted to join us FUNKY TOWNand I called my friend at Ratchadapisek.
- YO! Leonardo wants to join us. Is it OK?
- Yes
- We will be over around 9 o'clock.

I was home waiting for Leonardo and when he arrived we took the very same taxi to Ratchadapisek Soi 14. Of course, my friend had a headband supporting the red shirts. I have one as well, but this one is big like a tent so it's not very convenient to wear it. Well, unless if we want to pitch camp at RCA. Well, I don't think that would have been a very popular idea, RCA is not the hangout for the red shirts. Well, except for the people working there gets paid 5000 bath per month. And who FUNKY TOWNthe f@ck can survive on that kind of money? We spend 15000 bath per evening so I FUNKY TOWNunderstand that the red shirts are getting angry.

Well, we just left Soi 23 when the driver turned on my CD and he handed me the remote to the entertainment centre, first time ever I got a remote to the entertainment centre in a taxi. Well, anyway, we were soon having the Dutch Hip Hop FUNKY TOWNblasting high on the Richter scale on our way to my friend at Ratchadapisek.

We had a few beers before we left for the RCA and FUNKY TOWNwhen we arrived, of course, the guests were a wee bit upset over the red head band, but the staff were all full of joy.

It didn't took long before we had a bottle of vodka FUNKY TOWNand orange juice in front of us. And me, I don't know what it is making me sticking out. But everyone recognised me.
- Maybe when I felt down the stairs the other day.
But all staff came forward to me smiling and waing me.
- Hmm, maybe time to change place.

I was talking with a girl, cracking a few jokes, yes, the real FUNKY TOWNCharisma Man and yes, we had a good time and I handed her my name card. She was looking for a handsome boyfriend. But of course, when I returned with my red shirt headband she returned my name card and she refused to talk with me anymore.

Yes, she really hated me. So the Red shirts are not very popular around here. And I can understand that. If you're rich you appreciate having poor people around as cheap labour.
And the tourists can come here to f@ck with poor and uneducated rice farmer's daughters with no other mean to support her and in many cases her children.
FUNKY TOWN
Well, never mind the angry girl. And I don't joke, I would have been dead if she could kill me with FUNKY TOWNher glimpse. But pieces of advice, if you're going to a disco don't wear any sign of support for the red shirts.

We ordered a second bottle of vodka and after that it kind of went blurred. I lost both of my friends, but that's normal when we're out
Before
After
for a drink.

I don't remember what time I got home, but I'm 99% sure that I didn't stopped at LITTLE ITALY. RCA will be my place to party from now on. Going home from RCA and I go home via Rama 9 and Asoke and I turn left at the Shinothai Tower and I never have to pass LITTLE ITALY. Very good for my diet and I will soon have a V-shaper torso.
+++++++++++++++
Thursday 8th of April 2010
and I started my day with 4 bottles of hangover milk and 3 Imodium
Imodium

Generic name: Loperamide hydrochloride
Brand names: Imodium

Imodium controls symptoms of diarrhoea, including Traveller's Diarrhoea. It works by slowing the activity of the intestines and affecting the movement of water and chemicals through the bowel. It can be purchased over the counter in liquid and capsule form under the brand name Imodium A-D.

From http://www.drugs.com
tablets. Yes, I was clever enough to stop at 7 Eleven on my way home yeste..., well, actually this morning to buy milk.

I must have broken my wrist yesterday because I woke up with a terrible pain so I had 2 pain killers with my GOOD MORNING Imodium.

I got out of bed at 2 o'clock when it knocked on my door. They were coming to spray some pesticide. And of course, the first thing they saw coming in to my apartment was the Red shirt banderol. Too big to hang on my door so I have put it over the mirror.
FUNKY TOWN
- OH! Very good, they said.
And of course I had to take a picture of them with the banderol.

Well, I had not been eating all day long so when my friend called and suggested dinner at Baan FUNKY TOWNKhanitha I thought it was the best idea I have heard today. Well, he arrives drunk with 2 girls FUNKY TOWNfrom Beer garden
- What the ??!!
Fat chance that I will go to Baan Khanitha with a drunken guy and 2 girls from the beer garden.

And what's wrong with Thai girls? They had been in my apartment less than 3 minutes when they started to do the dishes.
- Hey! PLEASE! I prefer to do my dishes by myself.

My friend wanted a beer and I told him that I didn't have any beers at home.
FUNKY TOWN- A glass of wine?
- No, I'm out of wine as well.
He wanted to go buy some beers and I told him that I didn't wanted him to drink in my apartment.
- I'm going up to school early tomorrow and I don't want any drinking here.
FUNKY TOWNHe was nagging and nagging so I took the smallest glass I could find and I poured one cl of Captain Morgan in the glass for him.
- IS THIS ALL I GET? Don't you have any bigger glass?
- NO, this is what you get!
He was pissing and moaning until he realised that this was what he FUNKY TOWNwould get.
- OK, I can stretch this cl to last for s long time.

Our friend arrived straight from a red shirt meeting and last time he was at my place we were pretty drunk. So he thought I was living FUNKY TOWNon Soi 3 and when the security guard called I told them that I knew him and it was no problem to send him up. But he never came and we called him, turned out that he was at a condo on Soi 3 and the guard FUNKY TOWNhad called from there to my mobile. Well, I wonder what they thought at the condo on Soi 3 when he was knocking on the door.

When he finally arrived he saw my red shirt banderol on my mirror and he started to hand out flags and stuff. He even wanted me to have his shirt.
- I think it's too small.
Never mind, he insisted and I tried the red shirt. FUNKY TOWNAnd maybe thanks to my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet the shirt fitted. Well, almost, but if I lose a few kilo ( Should be possible to do in a few days) it FUNKY TOWNwill look great on me.
- Let's go to RCA, I suggested.

Our friend is having different Gods and amulets or what they call it as a hobby. And he asked me if I wanted to have a statue of the elephant God.

He disappeared and he returned after 10 minutes with a beautiful statue. I don't remember the name of the God, but it was beautiful and it's now in my living room looking good. Well, I will ask my FUNKY TOWNspiritual guide about the name of the God, he knows this things.

My friends left at 9 o'clock and I took a taxi to FOODLAND to buy some salmon. Yeah, I have grown a wee bit tired on the TUNA SURPRISE ® so I have started to eat salmon instead.

I was back home just before 10 and I had some tea and salmon before going to bed. Tomorrow it's school and at 1 o'clock I will play badminton with my Teacher. And I really hope my left wrist is better by then. Today I haven't been able to move my hand and I have had a terrible pain and I really hope that my wrist is not broken. Pain killers had done no good at all.
Friday 9th of April 2010 and this week has been a very quick one. Friday and today is the second time only that I will go to school. Too much party, but I'm 18 and I'm on a short holiday. Next week I'm off to Manila and 2 weeks of school. So I need to take every opportunity to have a party.

Coming back from Manila and it will soon be time to go back to kick some arses on Ek-Star making money again. And it will actually be nice to get away for a while now.

Well, I started my day by greasing up my scalp with the coconut oil before having my tea and salmon. I'm listening to the news while having my morning tea and the Thai government have closed 1 TV station and 30 web pages supporting the red shirts so I'm just waiting for them to kick in my door for having had red shirts visiting me.
Weekend again and what is this bull shit, the whole week has been a party and, well, today I was in school. The whole next week is a long holiday, Thai New Year. Is there no end to the holidays and party days.

I was in school when my friend called and told me that all his employees would have a party tonight. FUNKY TOWNYeah, typical, I had planned to stay home with my broken wrist. Painful like but after a few FUNKY TOWNbeers you're cart wheeling down the road. And imagine waking up with a hangover force 9,9 and the pain after cart wheeling down RCA on top of that.

But what the hell, you must be a wee bit social and it's Friday so it's socially accepted to throw a party and to have a drink.

After school I went to play badminton with my Teacher and 3 games and I got my arses kicked. Well, I and my Teacher won one game with 21 to 20. But of course, my wrist is not what it should FUNKY TOWNhave been. But it was fun and that's the most important. Well, burning some calories is maybe a wee bit more important. I took a taxi back home and I stopped at 7 Eleven FUNKY TOWNfor some hangover milk. Yes, I'm better of being prepared.

When at 7 Eleven I saw some micro oven food and I bought some. Just top try, good to have with a raving hangover. I made one portion and even though I added plenty Sukijoi or Nakijoki sauce it tasted like shit and I had to throw it away.

Well, I'm out of here. My friend just called and he asked me to look nice. FUNKY TOWNHe will introduce me to one of his secretaries. LOOK GOOD??!! Are you crazy? I can stop at Samitivej hospital for a liposuction on the way. That's the only chance I have.

I left looking for a taxi and the Security Guard told me there was no taxis due to the red shirts. And I could see that he was thinking SOM NAM NA.

OK, I can take a hint, obviously the whole house knows that I had red shirts in my room yesterday. Well, I found a taxi and we were soon on the way and I had FUNKY TOWNbrought my water proof camera today. My friend told me that they had started to throw water at each other, a pre Songklan party.
- Hurry up! You must come now!
- I'm just charging the battery to my watertight camera.
- Never mind, they don't dare throw water at us. So come right now, the music has started.

Arriving to his place and there were only guys dancing and throwing this Songklan powder at each other. There was a band playing, but where are the girls?
- They left.
- What the ? What about the Secretary? She's the reason that I spent 30 minutes in a taxi.

Well, there was one girl and she recognised me from their last party when we were listening to Micro. But she was already drunk. Well, never mind I soon had a beer in my hand. And when I have a beer in my hand Charisma Man is never far away and he was soon coming to Lat Prao.
Charisma Man
Well, I have heard so much about the Secretary so I was a wee bit disappointed when there were FUNKY TOWNonly guys dancing, and of course, the drunken girl.

My friend's wife was soon showing up, not happy, because my friend was quite drunk. But she asked us to go to their new house 2 minutes down the road. And here we meet all the girls and the BBQ was in full swing. Plenty food and, yes, the Secretary was beautiful. But I didn't waste any time introducing myself. I FUNKY TOWNdon't think she is so impressed by Swedish guys after being working with my friend so it would most likely have been a waste of time.

Well, never mind, and I don't understand why FUNKY TOWNeveryone is trying to set up Porky with a beautiful girl. And my Teacher, every time she see me she is asking if I have a broken heart.
- No, why?

She asked if I remember what I told the other Teacher last time I was drunk. You always say what you feel when you're drunk.
- You told her that you loved her and that you wanted to stay with her!
FUNKY TOWNShe asked if I was broken hearted and if I wanted to be with her in the future.
FUNKY TOWN- She has a boyfriend.
- Maybe they break up.

Well, it was time for us to move to the city. Too early to go to RCA so we decided to start in Din Daeng. So we took off towards Din Daeng leaving Lat Prao behind. And of course, we stopped to buy beer on the way.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
And when drinking beer we needed to make a pit stop on the highway. I don't remember, but I FUNKY TOWNthink they have bathrooms just when passing the tollbooths.

We were soon in Din Daeng and before soon we had a bottle of Heineken in front of us and the Thai music was blasting high.

After the success with the red shirt head bands at RCA the other day we had planned to arrive with FUNKY TOWNred shirt head bands tonight. I never brought my and our friend went home to pick up a few head bands. But FUNKY TOWNhe only had one and we needed 2 so we went home to me to get my headband.

And of course, when we came to my place we had a glass of wine before we left for RCA. And my friend wanted to listen to Ebba Grön, yeah, same story every time.

FUNKY TOWN
Well, we decided to make a stop at GLOW on the way to RCA, but when they saw us approaching FUNKY TOWNwith our red shirt head bands they asked us to leave. And I FUNKY TOWNdon't remember if they asked us to never come back again. Well, never mind, I will not miss the place.

We took a taxi to RCA and luckily enough I had brought a CD when we were at my place so we had good music to listen to while going there. It was a 10 minutes taxi ride to RCA and we had to walk quite a bit. Weekend and RCA is closed for cars. So weekdays are a better day if you want to go to RCA.
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
FUNKY TOWN
And of course, they didn't let us in at the first place at RCA. And I hope it was due to our red shirt head bands and not due to bad behaviour the other day we were at the place.
+++++++++++++++
Saturday 10th of April 2010
and I got out of bed at 3 o'clock. And I was great full that I had FUNKY TOWNbought my hangover milk yesterday after the badminton. I woke up with a hangover force 9,9 and I drank all my hangover milk, FUNKY TOWNthe original plan was for it to last for the whole weekend.

I got out of bed at 6 o'clock and I took a shower and I went to Ratchadapisek Soi 14. I arrived around 7 o'clock and getting out of the taxi I FUNKY TOWNcould hear the Thais speaking.
- Aladdin.
I almost shat myself. Do they know me? No most likely they think I look like Aladdin and that's why they all call me Aladdin and this is the reason for me to take the name.
- Well, a pretty stupid idea.
When I'm walking down the street with someone (a girl), and she hears them calling me Aladdin.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM?
I try to explain, but in vain. And I must admit, it FUNKY TOWNseems pretty stupid to change your name just because they call you Aladdin.
- Hmm, maybe the good ol' Pelle Plutt will come in handy again.

Hangover milk, a great thin But it doesn't beat FUNKY TOWNa few beers. So after a few beers we took a taxi to Ratchadapisek Soi 4 and the place is very fun. We started at Soi 6 but f@ck all was happening there so we continued to Soi 4 and we were soon having my CD blasting high on the Richter scale. And strangely enough, OK, we were a wee bit early, but it was only me and my friends and 6 girls at the place. So it doesn't take much to realize that we were the most popular guys at the place.
But 1 hour later the place was full and they started to play some very bad music so we left.
FUNKY TOWN
We went to 2 more places at Ratchadapisek Soi 6 before we decided to move on. RCA was not really an option after being stopped at a few places yesterday arriving with our red shirt head FUNKY TOWNband. So we decided to go to Khaosan Road and when we arrived it was all closed down.

I never saw Khaosan like this before. We meet a few Thais drinking in the dark and we asked what the hell was going on. Obviously there had been a fight with the red shirts and the military.

My friend wanted to find the red shirts camp to have a few beers with them. But I guess RCA is more fun and we took a taxi towards RCA. And my friend took the opportunity to have a quick power nap.
FUNKY TOWNDid him good because RCA was stompin' and today (without the red shirt head band) we FUNKY TOWNdidn't had any problem and we had a great time.
Of course, people recognised me, but it was all smiles. And that's the way I like it. Maybe I'm better off just wearing a baseball call. No one gets angry and it's covering my bald spot way better than a head band.
SingaporeMy friends left just after 2 o'clock and I crossed the street to a disco but I could feel the concrete hat coming on so I decided to return home.

And my going home from RCA via Asoke plan failed big time. I ended up at LITTLE ITALLY for a Spaghetti Carbonara. DARN! I should come up with a system to fine myself every time I end up at LITTLE ITALY!
But what?
- Yeah! Every time I have been at LITTLE ITALY I will have to go drink a beer at Beer Garden. What a sad place!
Yes, I would love to spend my time with toothless ladies and ugly prostitutes. Well, maybe, if the red shirt comes to power I hope they give all Thai people the same opportunity to get a good education so they don't have to support themselves at Beer Garden.
But most likely not, coming to power in a Scooby Doo country just means that you have the opportunity to steal from the people.

65 million Thai people and if you can steal 1 Bath from each one of them it's 65 million bath you can but in your own pocket and of course you love the country that provide you.
+++++++++++++++
Sunday 11th of April 2010
and I felt as little better after popping 3 Imodium. And of course FUNKY TOWN4 bottles of hangover milk that I bought when I came back home this morning helped a wee bit. Tips tack till Björn.

Well, it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon when I got out of bed when my friends called.
- Hey, we're eating at Stable and we're off to Beer Garden.
- Call me when you leave Beer Garden and I might join you for a beer.

Yeah, hell freezes over before I go sit for a FUNKY TOWNbeer at beer garden. Must be pretty desperate to go there. And beer garden is the reason for me not to have any people living here anymore.

My friend was sitting at Beer Garden with some toothless lady.
- Don't bring her home to my place!!!
Well, coming home from Khaosan Road 5 o'clock in the morning and the first thing I see when I opened my door was one of those ladies.
- GET OUT!!!!!
I was furious, so if people are going to live in my guestroom there will be no prostitutes allowed. Fer f@cks sake, I live here and I'm going down to meet the security guards and the management every day. And what the hell are they thinking? A handsome guy like Aladdin hanging out with old toothless ladies.

Well, riots continue on the streets of Bangkok and on the news they said that 19 people were killed. And as a foreigner it's not a good idea to wear any sign of sympathy for the red. You can be fined and deported. My friend had a few beers with the red shirts when the police and immigration arrived with the blue lights on. My friend was rammed up against the wall and he had his picture taken and they took his passport.

So running around RCA with the red shirt head band might be a stupid idea. OK, when we were alone it was OK. But when the 3 of us came doors were slammed shut in front of us.
Monday 12th of April 2010 and a new school week is coming up. But this week I will only be in school for 1 day. The Thai new year's starts tomorrow and when school opens on Friday again I will FUNKY TOWNbe on my way to Manila.

Drinking my GOOD MORNING tea and eating my GOOD MORNING salmon. Yes, the TUNA SURPRISE ® starts to taste like wood so I have changed to dill and salmon diet. 1000 Bath worth of Salmon everyday so it's not a cheap diet. But there is no price tag on LOOKING GOOD.
And honestly, after 2 weeks of eating salmon this starts to taste like wood as well.

Well, never
Iele,
thanks for the pictures, really made my day!
mind, I finished my salmon and I was enjoying a coffin nail and a glass of tea while reading my GOOD MORNING e-mail. I felt off my chair when I discovered that my inbox was full of embarrassing pictures.

Obviously my friend had brought his camera the first day I arrived to Bangkok. Yes, bear in mind that I was suffering from jet lag, motion sickness. And there had been some heavy turbulence over India. So, yes, I was exhausted arriving to Bangkok.

Well, anyway, I finished my salmon and I had a coffin nail while philosophize over my next diet. After 2 weeks of salmon I might go back to the TUNA SURPRISE ®. For sure cheaper than salmon. 30,000 Bath per month and that's 2 or almost 3 good nights out on town making FUNKY TOWNa tit out of yourself. As one guy asked me:
- How can you put these pictures on internet? I would not have done it!
- Wait until I retire and I don't care anymore, then I will tell all my stories.

Well, anyway, it was only me and my Italian friend in school today and we took 2 of our Teachers on an Italian restaurant on Soi 11. Next to my afternoon school so it was only for me to walk right over when we finished eating.
OK, my friends living at Ratchadapisek has complained over the speed on their internet, yes I have tried it and it's like when we had dial up connections in Sweden 20 years ago. Yeah, even slower than that.
-We have to hit the refresh button several times before all your pictures are downloaded.

OK, so let's make a new page to save them some downloading time. And well, anyway, this school week is over and it's Songkran.


                  

OK, it has come to my knowledge that we have senior citizens at my web page. How hard can it be? So it's not very easy for them to see the blue coloured links to the next page.
Jiffy (also jiff)

noun [in SING.] informal a moment: we'll be back in a jiffy.

ORIGIN late 18th cent.: of unknown origin.

So as you understand, in a jiff pretty much depends on your internet.
So I put a “Next” button here and I hope that there isn't any problem to understand how to use that one.
So just CLICK the “Next” button on your left hand side and you will be on the next page in a jiff!

Marunong ka mag-tagalog? Walang problema! Magpunta sa kabilang pahina pindutin ang “NEXT” button sa itaas

Faites vous parlez le français? Pas de problème! Pour arriver à la page suivante faites s'il vous plaît un déclic le bouton “Next” ci-dessus!

Haga usted dice el español? No hay problema! Ver la siguiente página sólo hacer clic el botón “Next” encima!

Farla parla l'italiano? Non problemi! Per vedere la prossima pagina lo scatto per favore giusto Il bottone “Next” sopra

Sprechen sie Deutsch! Kein problem! Wenn Sie die folgende Seite sehen wollen gerade klicken der Knopf “Next” oben!

คุณพูดภาษาไทยได้ไหม ไม่มีปัญหา ถ้าคุณต้องการไปหน้าถัดไป ให้กดปุ่ม “Next” ข้างบนนี้

Вы говорите по-русски? Просто нажмите синюю кнопку "Next" с левой стороны и Вы моментально переместитесь на следующую страницу!


E ni Svenskar och inte förstår Engelska så ska ni skämmas. J och Björn, med det menar jag inte att alla mina stavfel ska ältas varje gång vi träffas.





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