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 Back to FUNKY TOWN
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Friday 30th of April 2010 and my transportation to the airport is ordered for 17:15. A 20 minutes ride if the traffic is good. My flight is at 20:30 or something like that, I don't know exactly.
But I hope they open check in early so I have time to enjoy a last San Mig Light at the Thai lounge before the departure. I have gone through rough 1 week in school with very early mornings, so I deserve a San Mig Light and I guess I can call it weekend by now.   we were going to meet at a disco or at the airport. Well, I asked them if I should drink beer or wine on the plane back to FUNKY TOWN. “It's up to you”
- I want to know how drunk you're going to be at 11 o'clock tonight. If you're dead drunk I will drink wine on the flight and if we're aiming for tipsy at 11 I will stick to the beer. Drinking wine and they have to lead (almost carry) me through Immigration and Custom in FUNKY  TOWN. for sure embarrassing, but a bad thing? Not necessarily, you get the VIP treatment and pass the long queue to the Immigration.
- PLEASE! Clear the way, we have a guy suffering from SEVERE motion sickness. Anyone remember the old airport in Bangkok, Don Muang? You had small immigration offices between the immigration booths. I remember arriving from Kathmandu, Nepal. Yes, SEVERE motion sickness  after the flight. But I managed to get to the queue to the Immigration. I see 4 Immigration  Officers approaching me from one of the immigration offices. I remember thinking:
“Shit! They are coming to arrest me! Or they won't let me in to the country!” But they just took me to the immigration office. WELCOME TO THAILAND! They stamped my  passport and I had just saved 1 hour waiting time in the  immigration queue.
When our Hero was ready with his packing he ordered 2 San Mig Light from the room service. It was soon knocking on the door and my 2 bottles of San Mig Light arrived with a wine glass. I gave the guy a 500 peso bill. - No need to come back with the change. He bowed so I was afraid he should hit the floor with his forehead. - Thank you! SIR! - What the  ??!! If you say Sir one more time I want my change back, understand?
I enjoyed my 2 beers and I closed down my computer, well, I uploaded the latest to internet before closing my computer. Then I went down to my waiting transportation. FUNKY TOWN next! We took off towards the airport with smokin' and screamin' tyres. Up on the highway and I managed to get a few “LAST PICTURES” of the Manila sky line.    CHECK IN in a jiffy.
But here, what the are they up to? Finally I was checked in and now I passed the AIRPORT TAX booth, 2 persons in front of me.
- Good, I will soon have a beer. Paid the 750 Pesos tax and came in to the immigration hall. MOTHERF@CKER!! Where are all these people coming from? Next time I will ask for wheel chair assistance, then you pass through the VIP line. Darn, I was tipsy when I arrived to the airport, but by now the hangover started to KICK IN. I need a beer, sooner than later! I was in front of a Japanese guy speaking on the phone. - Hai hai hai hai hai hai hai hai Mixed with a few mushi mushi. Then he covered his mouth with his boarding pass and it sounded like he was saying: “I have a guy in front of me, he must be 500kg” Finally through Immigration and security. I will spend my last money at TAX FREE. 2 bottles of ABSOLUT and then I spotted a 4 pack of Black Label. Buy 4 bottles 88 US and get a wheeled bag.
  45 minutes ago. But when I found Thai Airways lounge I came in to chock.
 What the is this? Must be the worst lounge I ever been to. Well, Calcutta 20 years ago was not so impressive. This lounge was so small people didn't have any room to sit down. I mean, it was crowded.
It took me 3 seconds to get a beer, but there was no room for the  glass on the table when I had but my computer on top of the darn table.
Well, the f@cking lounge was more like a waiting room at the dentist, crowded and small. OK, I'm not small, but every time I moved towards the fridge for a new beer it was like there was swell, everyone was moving behind me. And I'll be darned, it started to rain. INSIDE THE LOUNGE!! I had to use my computer as a table because where I had it placed before it was dropping water. Nothing I want in my beer.  - Hmm, maybe something to blame the hangover on tomorrow.
 Over and out from Manila. FUNKY TOWN NEXT!
I left the rain in the lounge and went to board the aircraft. And what a pleasant surprise! I had checked internet to see if there was any available tickets to FUNKT TOWN. SOLD OUT! So I expected a full flight.
But when we left there was maybe 60% in Biz and the seat next to me was empty.    my iPod. While waiting for them to come with the drinks I thought about the security check at Manila Airport.
Passing the security check and I emptied my pockets from  everything made of metal. I took of my shoes, yes, USA and Philippines is the only place a now of where you have to take of your shoes. Thanks to the shoe bomber. Imagine going to the history as the “Shoe Bomber”. And imagine his parents, for sure they must have been proud. Walking to the convenient store and all the neighbours looking out from behind the curtains.
 - Look, the “Shoe Bomber's ”parents!
Yes, I'm pretty sure they are very proud of their son. Well, I passed security and the alarm didn't went off even though I didn't take off my belt. But even though the alarm didn't went off the frisked me. - Lip balm? He asked when he frisked my right front pocket. I showed him the lip balm and he let me pass. Well, I'm just waiting for the next terrorist trying to blow up an airplane with  lip balm. And as soon as we get a “lipbalm bomber” I'm pretty sure lip balm is a big NO NO when boarding the plane.
Well, didn't take long before they came with the drinks. Of course, I asked for a Sa Mig light. - Sorry Sir, we only have Singha, Heineken and Beer Chang  - BEER CHANG!!! Isn't that considering a beer that the riff raff are drinking?
Well, I ordered a Heineken and that must be one of  the worst beers. (In the civilized world) But if you put ice in the Heineken it's quite OK. And ice in the beer is something I have got accustomed to since moving to Thailand. And now when they have  Beer Chang onboard so I didn't thought they would think it was strange if I asked for ice for my beer.
When they asked what I wanted to have for dinner I told them that I was on diet and I didn't want to have anything. - Oh!! You look so good! No problem, the airhostess said. - Are you drunk! I skipped dinner and they came asked if I wanted some snack. I said no thanks, but I asked them to bring another Heineken. No problem and by now the crew could see that I was getting (just a little) drunk and they asked where I was going tonight. - I don't know, maybe Ratchada Soi 4. - Oh! Soi 8 is much better. I’m going to (I don't remember the name)  - Ratchada Soi 8, there is only gay clubs, I said.
- Yes, that’s good. - You're not the guy with the German boyfriend I was flying to Manila with. No it was not the same guy. I spent most of the flight drinking beer in the galley with the crew. Of course, the crew didn't drank any beer. It was a very nice crew so we had a very good time. I had more than one Heineken and they were soon running out of Heineken. OK, so I had to have a Beer Chang. At Thai Airways they have a very nice perfume at the bathrooms and I was there every 10 minutes to spray myself. I always ask if they have the perfume for sale in their TAX FREE catalogue. So far no one of the air stewardesses has managed to find it in their  TAX FREE assortment. I asked on this flight as well.
One of the air hostesses brought me a bottle. - No, we don't sell them, but we can give you a bottle. - NO NO, I want to pay! - No problem! A souvenir for you. - I don't want them to think I have stolen the bottle on the airplane. Spending the next 10 years in a Thai prison.  - Just put it in your pocket.
The very same stewardess asked if I was married to a Thai girl. - You speak very good Thai so you must have a Thai wife. 
- HEY! look at me! Does it look like I'm married. Who is the fattest  guy on the flight?
- And about me speaking Thai. Call me tomorrow morning and I won't be able to say f@ck all. Well, we had fun and time turned real quick so it was soon time to start descend to FUNKY TOWN International. Nice, I brought a Beer Chang to my seat and I could drink beer all the way to the gate while listening to Skånsk Hip Hop on my iPod.
IPod and no one of the other passengers were annoyed when I listened to music full blast like they used to be back in the days when I carried around my BOOM BOX.
   the custom my friends were waiting for me. One of my friends had a bag and he asked if I wanted Heineken, Tiger or a Breezer.
- Tiger please! Before we left I went to the Family Mart on the floor above the arrivals. I bought hangover milk and all their Tigers and Heineken. - Good to have tomorrow. Yes, I know they will come to my apartment tomorrow again, and then it's better to be prepared with the fridge full of beers. And of course, the hangover milk. I bought 4 bottles of milk for tomorrow.
  listening to music on full blast. No other passengers we had to think about.
And of course, my friend did is usual DJing from the back seat. Leaning forward between me and the driver.  And of course, always the same song. Well, at least it was a good song back in 1978.
- STATEN OCH KAPITALET! The spirit was high and it was nice to meet my friends again after 2 weeks in Manila.
 waste before we had to hit it out on the roads again. It's not like in Manila and open until 5 o'clock.
FUNKY TOWN and they close around 3 o'clock.  There are several clubs open to 6 o'clock, but this is really not my kind of places.
Well, I filled my fridge with hangover milk and beers. And when my friends was in my apartment  they wanted to have a drink for the road. I looked at my wristwatch.
- It has to be a quick one. It's way past midnight. Yeah, one for the road. How many times have we heard that?  And how many times has it worked with just “ONE” for the road? I would like to say: Almost never. And especially when we had some good music playing.
We filled a big bag with empty beer cans and we were pretty low in a bottle of Captain Morgan. So it was almost 2 o'clock before we left my apartment. So only one place to go, yes, GLOW is the nearest place. 1 minute away from my place. Last time they came rushing out on the street stopping us from coming in. But now we didn't wear any red shirt stuff so we were more than welcome. The DJ we meet at my place last Songkran came as well. Well, I ended up on LITTLE ITALY before going home. DARN! Can't they close that place? +++++++++++++++
Saturday 1st of May 2010 and I didn't feel all that bad when I woke up. I drank my hangover milk while checking my e-mail. Pictures from my brother from when I was visiting him in Subic.
He took plenty pictures of me and my nephews. I was disappointed. My brother was one of the  pioneers with digital camera and computer way back in the time when I did not even know what a digital camera was. After all this years he should know how to take pictures avoiding any swag-belly appearing on the pictures.
Yes, I cannot use one single picture on my web page, what a shame. OK, I can use the picture of the helicopter. They found it at Harley's. I don't know 1 or 2 km from my brother’s house. Most likely the battery had run flat and the darn thing felt down. Lucky that no one  was hurt when the darn thing felt down. Imagine hitting a kid in the head. Pure horror!
Well, I was looking at my pictures from yesterday when my friend called. They were coming over. - Is a wee bit too early, I said. - We will come and sleep in your guest room. - Yeah, sure thing! 
I went to my bathroom and I took the empty  shampoo bottles from my hotel in Manila and I managed to get my new “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” travel kit ready before they arrived.
Of course, it was hard to get my friends to sleep, but finally I  managed to get my friend to get a few hours of sleep and when he woke up around 6 o'clock I force feed him with tuna. I and my other friend had already eaten tuna with a diet  drink. So we had got vitamins enough to last us a night on town.
Well, it was almost evening and I could open a beer, I still have a  few cans of Heineken in the fridge. And of course, I added ice to my beer. It's not bad with ice in the beer even if it sounds bad. But I would not dream of putting ice in a San Mig Light or a Tiger Light.
I wore a yellow t-shirt and my red shirt head band. Both yellow and red and my friend complaining about me putting pictures on the internet said: - You don't dare put that picture on the internet! - What!!?? Why??!! I don't understand why that would be a problem. My friend called a few of his girl friends and they were soon drinking Tequila. Yes, I was still on beer. If I drink Tequila I will be in bed before 9 o'clock.   them borrowed a pair of shoes of me and they had a  pair of shoes in the car.
We decided to go to Thong Lo, but first a Japanese restaurant. Conveniently located at Thong Lo, close to all the clubs and discos. When we arrived the Japanese restaurant was closed so we had to go to a Thai restaurant nearby. When we were finished with the Thai food and Tiger beers my friend changed shoes and we took  off towards what I thought was Soi 10. But suddenly Soi 10 was  out of the question.
- What the ??!! Where are we going?
So I suggested RCA. But it was only me and Leonardo that wanted to go to RCA. The rest wanted to return to my apartment. - What the are we going to do back in my apartment? Let's go to RCA! I said.
  that wanted to go to RCA. When we turned up on Asoke I knew we were heading to my apartment. Well, I was not tired and Leonardo was not tired. So we had a quick drink while discussing where we should go.
- There is a place at RCA with good live music, I suggested. - OK, let's go! But the rest wanted to stay behind to sleep. Well, Leonardo and I took a taxi to RCA and we left the others behind so they could sleep. It was almost 30 minutes after midnight when we left my place. Well, no traffic and we arrived to RCA a few minutes later.   our place. And just for reference3c I tried to get in at Slim, but I'm still banned. So I guess Slim has to wait until next time  I'm coming home and they have forgotten me. Or more likely, if they have changed staff.
Well, I don't know what time I got back home. But I know that I didn't  stopped at LITTLE ITALY.
No spaghetti Carbonara or Pizza, very good. The only stop I did on my way home was at my local 7 Eleven to buy hangover milk. +++++++++++++++
Sunday 2nd of May 2010 and Jesus Christ. I don't think, or at least, it was a very long time ago I woke up with a worse hangover. I woke up when Leonardo knocked on my door at 10 o'clock.
- What the do you want? I screamed.
- Now you had had enough of sleep. I went up, could hardly move, and my friends left. Good, I was back in my bed as soon as I had locked the door. Yes, my hangover was a very bad one. I could hardly move. But I jumped out of bed at 1 o'clock when someone was banging on my door. - What the ??!!
It was Leonardo banging on my door, and yes he was drunk. I got very angry, we have had enough of noise from my apartment this weekend. Sunday, 1 o'clock in the afternoon and now he is banging  on my doors so they could hear it all the way down to the parking lot.
 - Get the out of here!
- I just want to .....  - If you're not gone in 5 seconds I will beat you up!
I was so angry and luckily enough he left and I returned to bed. Around 5 o’clock one of my Teachers called. - Hello, I'm passing your condo now. I have been leaving my friend at her condo. I was still hardly moving. But I had the chocolate I bought for her kids in my fridge so I asked her to come to pick it up. 10 minutes later I could hear someone trying to open my door. I opened and my Teachers kids said hello and they were off to the kitchen and my computers. Well, seems like people just walk in without knocking and never mind what Mr. B says, I'm always locking my door. We spent 2 hours talking about school on The Philippines. My Teacher is thinking about sending her daughter to the Philippines to learn English. I told her that it could be a good idea. You see Filipinos all over the world working, but you never see any Thai people. - Yes, I know. And all the Filipinos at our school speak good English. When they left I returned to bed and I was watching movies until 3 o'clock in the morning.
Today and on Wednesday the school is closed due to holidays. But I will go to school tomorrow. And   it's not only school that's closed, the badminton hall is closed as well. But my Teacher wants to go play o Friday. Well, anyway, it will be nice to leave FUNKY TOWN by now.
I called my friend in the afternoon. I asked if he had a diet drink at home. He had a few in the fridge. - OK, I'm coming over. Maybe dinner at Marriot tonight? - Maybe I have to fly to Argentina tonight.
What a disappointment, he was drunk.  Yes, I could hear it on the phone and it only takes 2 beers to hear that he is drunk.
  - What the ??!! You're drunk.
 - I only had a beer.
- You should bring your wife and the secretary for dinner at Marriot.
- They don't want to go.
- Of course not, you're drunk!
Our friend called when he arrived in the taxi  and we went down to pick him up. He doesn’t know where my friend lives, even though he had been here before when we visited my Italian friend. But it took me a few times to learn how to find the place as well. The place is not all that easy to find.
Well, he arrived with a beer and dinner at Marriot was cancelled. My friend never heard anything from the company so he can stay in FUNKY TOWN one more night. He will join a ship in Argentina and they told him that they had to go on Monday or Tuesday. Well, he will not leave today and we can have a few  farewell beers.
  We found a Chinese restaurant and we ordered 4 big bottles of Heineken and I had fried rice. Yes, I only have had a can of tuna today, so vitamins were needed.
   told him hundred times and we really stressed, yes, we really stressed that our friend had to behave. Well, the girls arrived and 10 seconds later my friend was next to the single girl. Grabbing her and I got angry. I told him to stop and the girl moved to the other corner of the sofa.
I could not believe my f@cking eyes when my friend moved after her 20 seconds later. This time he grabbed her tits and I got furious. I was all over him in 2 steps removed his glasses and I slapped him.
My other friend was screaming: - I WILL KILL YOU MOTHERF@CKER!! What he f@ck is wrong with these people. Yes, you see them everywhere bragging about living in Thailand for 20 years and how much they know about everything.  - Thailand...Blah-blah.... This is how it works..... Blah-blah-motherf@cking-Blah
 - If I only got a cent every time......
They can't meet ordinary girls and the only experience they have from Thai girls is from Beer  Garden. Loosing face, not good in
They arrive and we're introduced and less than 40 seconds later my friend has a hand around her breast and one hand on the way up under her skirt. WHAT THE F@CK!!?? So of course, my friend got furious and wanted to kill him. Well, unnecessary to say, the girls didn't stay so long and this was their night out, they had really been looking forward to a karaoke night. And when they left and it was only boys left things got ugly. And, well, it's always the same people.....
  friend joined us. But by then it was soon time to leave anyway.
 Our friend just coming back from California was bragging about his shoes that he bought in the US.
- What the is that to brag about?
- It's the nicest shoes. - OK. let's check! We putted up our shoes and we asked the beautiful Tiger beer girl which shoes she liked best. Of course, my shoes won. Well, time turned quickly and it was soon time to leave for Ratchada Soi 4. We took a taxi and I  dropped of my friends and I continued home to get snus.
Yes, we have planned for a diet drink at my friend's place. But the  quiet diet drink had turned in to mayhem so I need a refill. I made a quick stop for some hangover milk and I was back at Ratchada Soi 4 at midnight.
We ended up at a table with 4 girls and they offered us whiskey. I don't drink whiskey and I'm still afraid of the DATE RAPE drug I have heard of, don't want to wake up married tomorrow. So I ordered a beer. And I'll be darned, even before I got my beer the  girls told us that they would move if our friend
- Who’s friend is that? I asked while pushing him  over to the next table.
- We don't know him! We thought it was your friend, I tried. He left the place and from there on it was quite fun and suddenly it was 3 o'clock and closing time. They turned on the lights and, well, I left for a taxi and I guess I must have arrived home a few minutes after 3 o'clock. No stop for night snack at LITTLE ITALY, very good for my diet and no need to feel bad tomorrow. +++++++++++++++
Tuesday 4th of May 2010 and I woke up with a hangover force 9,7. I got out in my living room to  get my phone. I discovered the best SMS ever.
My Teacher had to cancel the badminton for  today.  GOOD!!
She called me yesterday when we were at the karaoke: - Do you want to play badminton tomorrow?
- Yes, it will be fun!
So I was in a pretty good mood when I got to my kitchen to get some hangover milk. Then I returned to my bed and a DVD with Simpsons. Unnecessary to say, morning school was cancelled, but I will try to make it to afternoon school. At least, to show my face for my afternoon school Teacher.   about me putting my feet up on the chair.
Well, at least I managed to learn a few words even though we spent most of the time talking about red shirts and yellow shirts. She doesn’t like the red shirts, but her sister like the red shirts. - Only the very poor and the very rich like the red shirts, she told me. Her sister is very rich, the owner of the factory making the cans to the tuna fish. So she uses to pay 10-20 of her workers to go joining the red shirt's protest. - Why doesn’t she go herself? - She doesn’t like to get dark skinned from the sunshine. What a shitload of crap! Of course, it's better to have them to shoot at her workers and she can sit home having a good time. Amazing Thailand, you pay some poor bastard to go protest for you. And now the Prime Minister has suggested elections in November so we have to see if the reds are going home now. My Teacher told me that her sister liked Thaksin because he was good for business. I asked her if she didn't thought that the good economy was due to the GOOD TIMES back then and the recession  would have made good business bad even if Thaksin would have been the Prime Minister.
My Teacher was worried, if the red wins the election the yellow will start to protest and we will soon have civil war. - Very bad for Thailand, all foreigners will leave. Economy will go down the drain and I will move to Laos. Well, for sure, no bright future for Thailand It was soon 3 o'clock and time to go home. I decided to walk to Soi 15 to check if my basketball caps were ready at my Tailor. And I discovered that Sukhumvit was full of soldiers.
 There were soldiers and army trucks everywhere and they looked serious with machine guns and shoot guns. Wearing ammo around their shoulders, and it didn't look like rubber bullets.
One thing is for sure though, everyone wants the power so they can fill their own pockets. And as we know, they are even prepared to pay people to go fight for their cause. Coming home from school and my friend called and I could hear that he was drunk. - What the ??!! Are you drunk??!!
- Just a little.
- You called this morning to tell me that you were going to the hospital to stop drinking.
- Well, I changed my mind.
- Motherf@cker!!
I spent most of the day and night in bed watching Simpsons. My friend has no news from Sweden  when he is going to join his ship and we decided to go for a quiet drink. We were told by our DJ friend that he had found  both of us sleeping over the bar at GLOW last time we were at GLOW.
- Let's go check out if we're welcome. Last time they didn't wanted to let us in. But we promised to behave and they let us in. “Don't fall asleep!”  - We promise!
We were sleeping over the bar within minutes. 
All this according to the DJ, we remember f@ck all from that night. Well, anyway we took a taxi to GLOW and I stayed in the car while my friend went to the door to see if they would let us in. He called me and I gave the driver 100 Baht. I was not really sure they would let us in. - Wait here for 3 minutes, if we're not back by then you can go. Otherwise we will go to Thong Lo. GLOW was empty so I guess that was the reason for them to let us in. Well, as I told my friend:  - I wish the DJ had a camera. A picture of us sleeping at the bar would  be something for internet.
Well, anyway, we had 2 beers and we took off to Thong Lo. Thong Lo, never mind what day of the week, always people. We ordered a bottle of Bacardi. - We don't have Bacardi. - OK, a bottle of vodka. - It's too late to order a whole bottle. So I ordered 2 Vodka orange and we got 2 Vodka apple juice. I complained and they were so sorry.  I told them NO PROBLEM and they smiled and took our drinks. The poured out some of the drink in the sink and topped up with more Vodka. Good, now we could taste the Vodka.
When they closed we went to an AFTER HOUR club and on the way there we passed a club I used to go to, yeah, must be almost 20 years ago. So we got out of the taxi and we checked out the place. My friend was soon leaving for home, but I stayed and I had a few beers. I  decided to check out the other place and I walked across the street. I don't remember the name of the place, but it was packed.
And not a tourist in sight, good. Well, I saw one foreigner. Same first time I was at Scratch Dog, only Thai people and it was very fun.  Last time I went there with my friend it was mostly tourists there and then of course a bunch of, well, anyway, it  looked like prostitutes. Needless to say, I and my friend left the place and we haven't been back. But this place was free from tourists and thus no prostitutes. And I really don't know what time they close, it was still full when I left the place. Coming out on the street was like to be transferred back in time by 15 years at least. Sunshine, I have not been up until sunrise for at least 15 years. And I promise, I didn't take any drugs yesterday. Felt very strange to come out from the club to sunshine. And coming home at 7, open the door to my apartment and at first I thought I had forgotten to turn off my light. +++++++++++++++
Wednesday 5th of May 2010 and I woke up to yet another holiday. Today it's something with the  king and last Monday I think it was some religious. They take religion seriously around here.
Coming home from Manila and I discover that the girl taking care  of my flowers had put the small elephant on the big elephant. I don't know what the small elephant is, but I got it from Charlie Chaplin in Din Daeng last Songkran.
Maybe because I removed his hat before pouring water over him. Well, holiday and I was not surprised to wake up with a hangover.  But I was surprised that it was a very gentle hangover. Well, let's see how the hangover develops during the afternoon and evening. But one thing is for sure, I'm about 20 years too old to come home 7 o'clock in the morning.
Well, thanks to my friend I had a JUMBO bottle of diet drink in my fridge. He brought two bottles yesterday and we finished one bottle of diet drink together with a bottle of STROH 60%. Well, you didn't think we were going to GLOW without drinking us handsome first. The time when I could go to GLOW sober is way back in time already. My friend called and now the company wants him to join the ship in Brazil in 12 hours. GOOD LUCK getting to Brazil in 12 hours, we're talking 35 hours minimum. So it looks like we can make it to Marriott tonight. Well, let's see how the hangover develops. 
I was a little late to school today, one lane on Sukhumvit was blocked by military trucks. Water tankers with water monitors, I guess for crowd control. Rolls of barbed wire and soldiers everywhere. Or as one of the locals told me: - What a embarrassment for Thailand. Looking more like  Pakistan and Nepal. This is no good for the business! What an embarrassment and the whole world are watching.
  come to meet us at school. On the walk over to Robinson I took a picture of the construction crane that felt over Miami hotel a few days ago. I think on Soi 13. So I think they closed Sukhumvit Soi 11 to 15. Well, it's back to business again.
Well, and I will just make a quick plunge down the Memory Lane. Miami hotel was the first hotel I stayed at in FUNKY TOWN. It was highly recommended by a guy a meet in Kuala Lumpur, yes in Malaysia.  I must have been drunk when I meet the bugger. Otherwise I could have judged him a wee bit better. But he never asked if he could borrow any money so I guessed the hotel would be OK. Well, first morning I woke up to get a shower. (Yes, back then when I was young and handsome you never woke up with any hangovers) I turned on the hot water. - What the ??!!
The water pressure was so low so I had to sit down taking my shower. As soon as I stood up it were only drops coming out from the shower. OK, I think it's unnecessary to say it, but I will do it anyway. I never stayed for a second night at the dump. I looked for a valet at Robinson, without any luck and I went to see my Tailor before returning to school. Our birthday friend was supposed to pick us up at the school. We were waiting for him at school when he called to say that he was stuck in the traffic. - OK, we take a taxi to Govindas and we meet you there. I and my friend took a taxi to Govindas and I called the birthday guy to ask if he wanted us to order for him. - I don't know if I can make it. You can probably have both lunch and dinner before I arrive.
Of course, good for my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet, but I had cancel afternoon school and 1 hour from morning school. OK, I went back home and I will go to Phantip Plaza in the afternoon and while there I will check out FORT Red shirt at World Trade Centre. Back home and my birthday friend called and told me that he was now at Govinda. 3 minutes later my friend from Ratchadapisek arrived and he was hungry. So I called my birthday friend. - Are you still at Govindas?
- Yes.
- OK, we'll be there in 10 minutes.
We took a taxi and we were soon at Govindas for our by now late lunch. We ordered our food and we  cracked a few jokes before it was time to leave. The birthday boy drove us to Pantip Plaza. As soon as we we're off Asoke on the Petchaburi Road the traffic was at a complete stand still.
Red light at the railway crossing under the Chalerm Maha Nakhon toll way. - What the is this? Red light for 20 minutes and then it's not even green light for 15 seconds.
And it was not even green light. It went straight from red to orange and green. STAND-BY TO STOP!! WILL SOON CHANGE TO RED!! Well, spending time on the road and you're better off with in good company. We were laughing all the way to Pantip Plaza. When we passed Chit Lom we could see the red shirts by now hated bamboo and tyre barricades. 
Passing the Chit Lom and the bamboo and tyre barricades I have read and heard so much about made me confused. - What the was that?
Should it be impossible for the police  and military to climb over that barricades. Hell, yeah, looked like you could walk straight through the pile of garbage.
Well, maybe they have something bigger further down the road. But when we passed Ratchadamri it didn't look any better. Reminded me of Sukhumvit and the market with heaps of crap they sell along the road at night. But with the difference that here it was red shirt souvenirs for sale. Well, as one of the old ladies selling stuff at the red shirt rally said  on the TV news the other day.
The TV reporter  asked how the spirit was.
- We have been here for long time now and people have run dry on founds. Bad for business. So I guess they try to make a buck  from the tourists at Petchaburi Road.
We got off at Pantip and we didn't found anything we liked. We walked back towards LITTLE ISAN and I asked my friend to keep his eyes open for valets. You never know where you can find a good valet. The one I have now, yes, I bought it cheap in England so I can't complain. But it is rotten away and is falling apart after the water throwing at last Songkran.  
Well, I guess the amnesty for the red shirt leaders is on the agenda because as I understand it the red shirt leaders are wanted for terrorism.
 - Hmm, and when I'm thinking of it....
Have you ever been to a Thai village? Well, it looks pretty much the same. People sitting on blankets playing cards and drinking Leo waiting for the rice to grow. But I really despise people bringing children to rallies, especially when there is a great chance for violence with the army/ police. Well, same thing when I see them bring their children to political and religious meetings  and demonstrations in Sweden.
Let the children grow up and make their own decisions about what to like and think.
“Renegade army specialist Khattiya Sawasdipol makes no attempt to hide his leading role in the red shirts' battle with the government.” “The officer also known as Seh Daeng calls himself the "commander" of the anti-government United Front for Democracy against Dictatorship's strategy to hamper any government crackdowns aimed at dislodging the protesters from their rally point at Ratchaprasong intersection.” “Maj Gen Khattiya said he had drawn on "local wisdom" to erect several hundred metres of barricades made up of old tyres and sharpened stakes at Sala Daeng intersection near Silom Road. The brick-reinforced barriers have been doused with fuel so they can be transformed into a wall of fire to slow down or halt the security forces if they try to retake areas near Lumpini Park that are occupied by the red shirts.” “Maj Gen Khattiya said the barricades were modelled on fortifications used in the 1785-86 Burmese-Siamese war during the reign of King Rama I. The war is also known as the "Nine Armies War" after the number of armies Burma used to invade Siam.” Well, when you read stuff like this you only think: What the !!?? 1785-86!! Did they have tanks back then? And this flimsy built bamboo and tyre barricades don't look too hard to break through. Maybe barefoot back in 1785. Hmm, did they have tires back then?
   But it was open so we went in to have a look for a valet. We were told to go to the 4th floor and luckily enough I found a valet. - Do you have your passport number? - Yes. - Then we give you a 20% discount. Amazing Thailand. We paid my valet and we were half way gone when I went back and asked for one more valet. Yes, better off having two if you lose your valet. And the last few weeks of looking for valets have showed me that it's very hard to find a nice valet.   Well, never mind, we were passing yet 2 futile bamboo and tyre barricades.   a few minutes later. Well, we were at my local 7 Eleven because we needed to buy a few diet drinks. My fridge is empty.
 - Friday tomorrow, then it's against the law to sit home, my friend said. - OK, I will buy a few bottles of hangover milk as well. Coming home and I discovered SMS and missed calls from one of my Teachers. Yes, the very same I called in the middle of the night a few weeks back. So I called her. - So you're back from Manila. Let's have dinner next week. Well, they told me that she wasn't angry for my “middle of the night” call and she sounded like she was happy so I said OK. So let's see if she shows up with a gun. OK, this was pretty much how the 6th of May in the year of our Lord 2010 went down. +++++++++++++++
Friday 7th of May 2010 and while drinking my morning tea. (after greasing up my bald spot with coconut oil) MORNING TEA? IT WAS F@CKING 11:30!! I turned off my alarm at 8 o'clock  and I didn't get out of bed until 11:30 when my friend called. Well, anyway, I was thinking about Little Isan when drinking my tea.
How they hell was it possible to get all this tires in to downtown FUNKY TOWN? There must be truck loads  of them passing through the roads of FUNKY TOWN and no one have tried to stop them, amazing.
And imagine cleaning up all this rubbish! Well, maybe not necessary. The Yellow Shirts wants Prime Minister Abhisit to stand down, criticising the new elections in November. Well, maybe better off do as someone suggested: “Leave the barricades and the Yellow can move in IF the red moves out” Well, anyway, before going to bed yesterday I got a SMS and it  seems like people can't wait to get drunk. But again, it's Friday and it's against the law to sit home a Friday night. At least according to my friend and I believe him. They have some pretty strange laws here in FUNKY TOWN and I don't want the police to come and arrest me.
And for sure, it's better to wake up with a hangover than to wake up in  prison, we're talking Thailand here and I've heard that their prisons isn't all that nice.
     we started at House by the Pond. We looked at a 2 bed apartment and it looked good. But there are several buildings in the area and we walked across the street when we finished at House by the Pond.
And yes, it was very hot so when we had been in 3   buildings we were pretty tired of running around looking for apartments.
My friend asked if I were hungry. Well, my diet and blah-blah, but my friend was a little hungry so we stopped at New Cowboy on Soi 22. I ordered a soda water when my friend told me that they had San Mig Light. OK, it's Friday and we had our first beer 5 minutes (according to my camera) after 3 o'clock Friday afternoon and the weekend had officially started.  mind, San Mig Light or bust. So we had a few of those before we left and we were, well, tipsy. Not drunk, just about to be tipsy.
My friend's girlfriend and her friend was at MK Carrefour  Ratchadapisek having their dinner.
- Let's go see them. - Do you think they can handle the excitement meeting me after the karaoke fiasco at Ratchadapisek earlier this week? We took a taxi to Carrefour at Ratchadapisek and we ordered 2 big bottles of Heineken. Only Heineken and Singha to choose from. So our choice was obvious, but I asked for  ice so my Heineken would taste better so we could drink the darn beer. The girls were tactful and the karaoke was never mentioned.
The taxi ride to Ratchada through the Friday afternoon traffic was a killer and we had gone from tipsy to having a hangover when we arrived. So it was nice to get the beer, even though it was a Heineken.
Now it's only the music missing and we can be in a REAL good mood. But suddenly they had the music on full blast and all the staff was on the floor clapping hands and dancing.
  they were finished before I could get my beer.
When we were finished the girls left and I and my friend were off to Khaosan Road. We made a quick stop at my apartment to get some snus. The traffic was not all that bad and we reached Khaosan Road quarter to 9 o'clock. And we went straight to the Brick Bar, must be Khaosan Road's best bar right now. But make sure to arrive between 8 and 9 o'clock so you get a table. Quarter to 9 and there were already a few people at the place. I and my friend ordered 2 Tigers.  I checked for expiry dates, but there was no problem with the expiry date. But the beer just tasted very bad. My  friend said the same.
- What the ??!!
The beer tasted like shit and I send it back. I asked for a Heineken, a wine glass and a bucket of ice. My friend was dying for a coffin nail. Not allowed to smoke inside bars in FUNKY TOWN. So he was eating my snus and when he saw the couple behind us smoking he called the waiter.  - Can I have a pack of cig and an ashtray?
- Not allowed to smoke inside so you have to use the floor as ashtray. He was soon happy smoking using the floor as an ashtray. Strange, you're not allowed to smoke inside so you have to use the floor as ashtray. But this is not the strangest thing I have heard in FUNKY TOWN. Yeah, The Fort “RED SHIRT” down at Little Isan is not something you see in every town around the world. Maybe something you expect to see in Africa. Or as one of the  locals told me the other day:
“Looks like Pakistan and Nepal” Well, we had our beers coming at us and we were soon drunk again. Our table was full of what we thought was Taiwanese sex tourists but it turned out to be students. And soon the table was full of beautiful students and their Teacher. But of course, we didn't start to talk with them until they were drunk. And then it was all the same again: “Do you want to dance?” 
- Please! My ankle!  But there were some very beautiful girls in that class and how did I found out it was a class? Well, one of the boys talked to the old girl and I asked her if the boys were flirting with her.
- It's my son. And the rest is my class, I'm the Teacher. Well, it was very fun and the music was very good. And my friend dancing on the table, no problem. Everyone was on the table, but I was better off sitting down. Imagine the embarrassment with a collapsed table under me. For sure something I can do without. And everyone was very drunk. Dancing on the tables and benches. And we remember when I was at Rama 3 last autumn. The puke sink, there should be one at every place in Bangkok.
 - Is he dead? Maybe something has happened to him, I said to the others while I was banging and kicking on the door. - ARE YOU OK? No reply and I took a picture from above the wall to see what the f@ck was going on in there.
  imagine how this guy is smelling coming out from there. And the place is very crowded so you really  have to squeeze your way through the crowd. And this guy rubbing against you on his way to hug his  girlfriend. Makes me puke  only  thinking about it!
Well, When they closed the place we went to a disco on Khaosan and when they closed it was time for my friend to go home sleep and I continued to the Club I was on last Tuesday. Arriving there just before 3 o'clock and it was plenty traffic going there. Only expensive cars going in to the parking lot. Well, as it turned out, everyone I asked was a “Yellow shirt” and there I was in my new red shirt and matching cap. Well, I didn't run in to any problem even though I pointed at my shirt. Actually, it was very fun and I didn't come home until 6 o'clock. +++++++++++++++
Saturday 8th of May 2010 and can it have happened? I mean, that I have turned in to “The 2 ton  Superman”. I woke up at 1 and the hangover was not as bad as I had expected.
OK, I could feel that I had been on town yesterday. We took our first beer at 3 o'clock in the afternoon at Soi 22 and I'm coming home 6 o'clock in the morning! 15 hours of party, and believe me, I'm not the guy sitting sucking on a beer for an hour or two. If you don't believe me just ask anyone that have had a beer with me. “The 2 ton Superman”, yes, I really think I have turned in to a real  Superman. 
And the best thing by having turned in to a “The 2 ton Superman” is that.....  - Hmm, well, would be better to have turned in to “The 82 kg Superman”
Well, never mind, before it was always me getting disgracefully drunk sleeping in the bar.
And for sure, I don't take any drugs, I have to do drug tests all the time. Of course, with the help of  drugs it's very easy to stay up drinking for 15 hours. And not only do I have to take drug tests in my job, sometimes the Police is storming in to a club and close the place having all the guests to take a drug test. And yet again,  prison in Thailand, not an experience I'm looking forward to.
But I haven’t been sleeping in a bar for several day s now and I think this is a very nice progress. And who knows? Next time signing off I might have turned in to “The 82 kg  Superman” by help of my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet.
Well, it's Saturday and I have heard that it's against the law to sit home on a Saturday evening in FUNKY TOWN and well, the Thai prison experience........blah-blah-blah. Maybe, and please note the maybe, it's because I'm drinking my beer with ice. If you drink a case of beer it must be buckets of water you drink at the same time. - Yes, I might be on to something here!
- NO MORE “HANGOVER MAN”??????? And I've heard that drinking water should be good for the hangover. One guy told me to drink plenty water before going to bed. - Force yourself to drink 2 or 3 litres of water before going to bed! He had done it and it worked beautiful. - I woke up just to find that I had pissed in the bed. It had been so embarrassing so he never thought about the hangover. And what a mistake it was to get the bottle of perfume last time flying Thai Airways. It smells like a Swedish summer meadow, very good. But when I have had a  few beers I always think I'm on a flight because this is how I use to smell during my flights. At least when going in Biz.
When sitting in “monkey class” you usually smells skunk. Of course, it's cheaper and I hope to save a lot of money as soon as I get my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet back on track and I can fly “monkey class” again. Well, next time (  hopefully very soon) I'm joining my ship I will be a wee bit more serious with my diet. Yes, we remember the movie, or was it a book a read? With the old lady giving the young girl some advices about, well, yeah, life.
• When you're 20 you want a man with V-shaped torso and millions on the bank. • When you're 25 he should have a job, but it's never mind if he is a little stocky. • When you're 30 you're happy if he doesn’t look like a human balloon. • When you're 35 you're happy if he has a little hair on his head. I’m looking like a f@cking human SUPER BALLOON and the girls’ wants’ to get married. Yes, as I use to say, poverty and starvation makes me so handsome. Well imagine when I’m looking good. Will be very  dangerous to go clubbing again. Hopefully next time signing off.
And maybe by then I can fly “monkey class” and come back with even more money, and thus be even more handsome. It's what we call a win-win. And win-win is exactly what I like. Yes, I spent the afternoon in bed watching DVD. Yeah, pretty much the  only thing to do after a night on town. Even though my hangover only reached a 1,3 on the Richter scale I wasn't up for going to the gym or to play tennis. Even for a 2 ton Superman the bed is perfect for a day like today.
 hopefully female) friends were going to have a get together.
So I'm off to the shower, and yes, I will soak myself in the Thai Airways Perfume. And I have a freshly burnt DVD with Skånsk, Danish and German Hip Hop in my pocket so I have a little something to listen to in the taxi. I was wee bit late to Ratchadapisek. I had to wait for the “MAGIC HAIR STUFF” to dry and,
Yes, I arrived to Ratchadapisek as “The Charisma Man”   traffic, bumper to bumper all the way from Asoke to Ratchadapisek Soi 14.
And my freshly burnt CD was all for nothing. The CD  player didn't work, but the driver had a tape with pleng Isan so it was pretty good.
And when I arrived there was no sign of any girls or any get together. My friend and my French class mate was sitting playing with the cat.
- Where is the beer? Where are the girls? Well, I got a Heineken with ice and we got some music on the entertainment centre.
  of some local stuff from the island where they lived. 6 weeks and the bottle are not empty.
- Do you want to try? He asked. - What is it? I smelled the stuff. Well, it smelled like jet fuel. Same as the Grappa - Well, no thanks! Well, before soon it was midnight and we left for Thong Lo. My friends wanted to check out the after hour place. But too early to go there so we started at a disco. When we arrived they asked for ID and it was only me having a driving license. So I got the red stamp and we went a few steps back and my friends could borrow my driving license. The place was very crowded and impossible to find a place. My friends went upstairs to try finding us a table. I was in the bar ordering a vodka and while the Bartender mixed my drink I had 3 
- You have to leave! - Why? No one knew. The Bartender and the guys next to me in the bar asked the security why I was thrown out. - He is not allowed to be here. - OK, MOTHERF@CKERS! I'M OUT OF HERE I went to FUNKY VILLA next door and this place is much
 some Thai's sitting there. I was drunk so I'm not sure what was going on. But there was a guy, obviously gay.
And as I understood it he was some sort of Butler for  these people. Well, never mind, he made sure I had Heineken and ice coming my way all the time.
Well, it was fun and time turned quick and suddenly the lights were on and it was time to go. Well, I don't know how much the clock was, but I skipped the afterhours club and I went back home. At least I think so, not 100% sure. +++++++++++++++
Sunday 9th of May 2010 and today was a typical DVD day. Yes, Sunday and I had just put 2 days of party behind me. But first the news, and as usual I'm waking up to bad news. Yesterday I woke up to read about dead police officers and today they wrote that 5000 red shirts arrived to Little Isan yesterday. Will it ever end? I don't think so.
I kid you not, I had a full force 10 hangover and I could not move so assistance was needed. But  my plan the day before was to do a “Manila pool party ” trick. Bring her to RCA and then I would get lost in the crowd. Of course, when it was time to leave for RCA she was tired and she wanted to sleep. What the ? OK, I went by myself and of course, when I came back she was sleeping.
Well, at least she wasn't nagging about me “popping #8221; pills when I complained about my hangover. Like the girl in Manila. - Of course, you stay in your room popping pills all day long. - IT IS JUST F@CKING B-12 VITAMINS!!!! Well, this time it was different. She helped with the DVD and what a boost for my ego it was when she complained how old she was. She was 31. - I'm at the same age and also old! - No! Girls are over the hill at 31, but guys are not old until they are 50+ - Well, that gives me a few years! Well, I had my hangover milk watching Simpson feeling pretty good. I don't know if it’s the ice in the beer or the hangover milk. Or maybe it's just that I have really turned in to “The 2 ton Superman” Well, maybe it’s a combination  of the mentioned.
Well, I called my friend and he asked what time I had arrived home this morning. - WHAT TIME??!! What the hell? I don't even know how I got home. So don't ask me what time I got home this morning. He told me that they had been kicked out yesterday  while looking for a table. Well, so all 3 foreigners at the place were thrown out!
My Teacher called and asked if I wanted to play badminton tomorrow. Yes, she won't give up until
I look good.
- I have class until 3 o'clock, I said. - 3 O'clock is too late. - OK, I call you tomorrow. Maybe I cancel afternoon class. Hmm, she complains about my poorly spoken Thai and now she wants me to cancel afternoon  class. Well, anyway, I received an SMS and she has an appointment with  a friend living close to me at 6 o'clock. So we can play badminton in the afternoon and she will drive me home when we're finished with the badminton.
- Yippee!!
Can it be any better? I can go to school not only carrying my school bag. I will be dressed for badminton and also be carrying my badminton racket. Now we can just imagine the glimpses I will receive from the girls when I walk down Sukhumvit in this outfit. “The Charisma Man” can go clean the toilet because here the sporty “Badminton Man” comes!! And what a mistake I did in the evening. Yes, “The 2 ton Superman”felt good so he went to Pantip to buy some stuff. I realised my mistake as soon as I stepped out of the taxi. The hangover hit me like a hammer, it's a wee bit difference to be a hero back home in bed in front of Simpson and to be at Pantip with millions of people. Pantip is just next to Little Isan and I could see that they have built more barricades during the weekend. What the f@ck is going on? I thought they were going home. And drive by shooting of Police Officers on Silom, from a motorbike. What the ??!! How is it possible? Must be half the Thai army and the whole Police force down at Silom and a guy on a motorbike manage to shoot at the police, killing one and wounding 2 police officers and 2 civilians AND GET AWAY!!!
How is that possible? Well, I could hear music and people were going in to The FORT Red shirt so I guess this will not be  over with in a long time. And maybe Little Isan will be a new tourist attraction in FUNKY TOWN.
I went back home from Pantip and I ordered food from FOOD BY PHONE. +++++++++++++++
Monday 10th of May 2010 and it's pretty much the same story every Monday morning. Spent most  of the night with a hangover watching DVD and when the alarm goes off at 8 o'clock I'm about to die. Well, it was over 11 o'clock when I got out of bed, it was past 4 o'clock before I managed to fall asleep and my morning school was of course cancelled.
I will have a fresh start with my school next time I'm coming home, and hopefully the red shirts have moved Little Isan to LITTLE ITALY so they have to close that place. Will makes wonders for my “Best looking guy in town '10” diet. Hmm, thinking of it, I haven't been there since I came back from Manila, or have I? At least I don't think so.
I will at least have my afternoon school before going to play the badminton.
 Yes, it’s always a lot of how many handsome guys flirting with her. And today was not difference. - There were a lot of celebrities. - WOW!!! Thai celebrities
- There were Japanese and European celebrities as well. - Interesting!
- One very famous guy was flirting with me. - Oh yeah!
- You see him on the TV all the time. 
Obviously he must have been very drunk, or more likely as I think. She is delirious by desire for a boyfriend. We were soon talking about the current situation in Thailand. I asked her what she and her friends thought about the situation. - We don't think about it. - Isn't that f@cking impossible?
I asked some of the Thai's I meet during the day how it was possible for a man to get away after  shooting at the Police on Silom last Friday, with the street full of police and military.
- That's what we wonder as well. Well, I have my theory. Many people want to be police so they can get their TEA MONEY and they pay money to become a Police. Of course, they are more interested in getting the bribes than to get any proper training. And maybe one of the locals was right when she told me that: “Mom is a red shirt and the son is in the army or a Police Officer” Well, the Police. I haven't been in India for almost 20 years. But back then they were only walking around with long sticks asking for BAKSHIS. I remember I had 4 of them running after me screaming. - BAKSHIS!! BAKSHIS!! I was sitting on a motorcycle and as soon as they came within 20 meters I drove off another 100 meters. I continued like this until I got bored and I drove off with screamin' and smoking tires'. Well, anyway, the Police was running around screaming for bribes and as soon as something was happening they were crying  for the army to come helping them. 
As I said, 20 years ago. But I doubt that there have been any changes. I noticed it yesterday when going back home from Pantip, no more soldiers on Sukhumvit. And today when I was on my way to the badminton after school I could see that all the soldiers were gone. But there was an army truck with a loudspeaker tower at the back. And 2 red beret soldiers were on the platform speaking in the microphone while they were driving around.  But we were soon playing, at first with my Teacher and then we played against her daughter and her friend. For sure, now I know the word for ZERO in Thai. I will never forget it. We got our arses kicked in game after game and I was half dead after each game.
And it was hot, I mean very hot. So I was drinking water like there was no tomorrow. Going  to school this afternoon I was still suffering from the hangover from Saturday. But now I had no chance to think about it and when we were finished the hangover was gone. Or most likely, the hangover was pushed aside by me  being exhausted and half dead from the badminton.
When we arrived to Sukhumvit Soi 23 we made a quick stop at 7 Eleven for some milk and diet drinks before going home to me. And yes, my Teacher was going to a funeral and I was the baby sitter for tonight. Well, no problem, they spent the whole evening in front of my computers. I had to stay in bed watching for news about the red shirt. Well, a pickup truck crashed and 100 kg of fish on the road. A Thai team had won a BUILD A LEGO CAR contest on Taiwan. 4 guys were caught making Yaa Baa and blah-blah. Not very much about the red shirts and today there was some kind of dead line from the Thai PM so I had expected more. If something like this would have happened in Sweden there would have been 24/7 information on the TV, but here. 
I grew tired of the TV and I went to my kitchen. Enough off the computer games. Now we will do it like when I was young. So I brought my Aggravation (The classic marble race game) and we set up the board on the kitchen table. I could not find the rules and I have forgotten the rules. Well, I think I remember most of it. I bought the darn thing 10 years ago in Honolulu, Hawaii.  No one had ever seen the game Aggravation before. Well, her son kicked our arses and when we finished they returned home and I could update my web page and go to bed. Well, yet another page blown out off proporpions and the internet at Ratchadapisek is down on the knees. So time to make a new page to help them out. And I'm sure that there are more people out there with a internet speed leaving a lot to wish for.
    
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my popular “TUNA SURPRISE” ® or to have any salmon. So I have been eating tuna the whole weekend.
been party most of the time.
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