Saturday 12th of September 2009 and my friend was back home in Pattaya so now I don't have to worry about him. And it's Saturday and my French class mate from morning school is coming over for a drink or two in the evening.
He arrived at 8 with a friend and we were soon drunk and we went to a disco, I don't remember the name, but it was the first time I visited the place. And I lost my camera so I don't know how it looks. But it was daylight when I came back home. And when the girl came to give water to my flowers Sunday morning she told me that we had played music “very loud”. Well, It's Saturday
Sunday 13th of September 2009 and I woke up at 1 o'clock when my Teacher called. We had agreed for her to be here at 1 o'clock for 2 hours of Thai studies. She was at the Sukhumvit Road so I was quickly in a taxi and I went to pick her up.
I was hungry, no time for a shower and I can't say that I had a hangover. It was more like I was still drunk. And I must have crawled on the ground yester day because I was all black over my knees.
We entered Soi 31 to get back to my soi and we passed an Italian restaurant and we stopped for pizza before returning to my apartment for Thai studies. She went back home at 3 o'clock and I went to Thong Lo (Sukhumvit Soi 55) and the Police station. I need a new police report for losing my driving licence and it's getting a little embarrassing to come to Thong Lo Police Station every Sunday to report a lost valet.
No problem, they recognise me by now and I had my report in a few minutes.
Coming out from the police station and I stopped a taxi. I was going to Thonburi on the other side of Chao Phraya River. We took the toll way to the Taksin Bridge and my class mate from afternoon school lives at Chao Phraya Riverside on the Thonburi side.
I arrived to his condo after 20 minutes and while my class mate was showing me around they prepared dinner. He lives in a nice condo, looks like brand new. But I could see that many of the units were empty. Maybe due to that it's quite new and there hasn’t been enough time to sell the units. But Bangkok is full of condominiums for sale.
But the facilities were excellent, 2 big swimming pools, sauna and gym etc. But as I said:
- We have a gym, but I prefer California WOW, music and girls to look at.
When we came back the food was ready and Thai food is very good. But man! Some of the stuff is impossible to eat. It just burns, I don't mind spicy curry when it tastes curry. But some of the Thai food just burns. But the unspicy food was excellent.
My friend should drive me to a market so I could buy a new valet and he gave me two bags of cookies.
- One for you and one for Chutichong.
- I can take mine, but if you won't come to school I won’t go, I said.
Every time in school he has been talking about baking chocolate cookies and our Teacher is asking for them every time. He can't come on Tuesday and he will leave for India on Thursday so it might be some time before we go back to afternoon school again.
And I have set up 2 hours a day with a Teacher coming to my place so I will still get my 5 hours a day. But we will try to see if we can go to afternoon school tomorrow.
I found a valet at the market and then I was off to Central on Rama III to buy some bedside lamps. I ran in to a sale of rubber boats and, well, there were a few people that sprung to mind.
Anders, nu hoppas vi att dom inte kör en sådan här drive med Singha linne
Now I just wait for them to have a sale with Singha Beer tank top sales. Or tank top with
“ TUK TUK's go go bar” on the back. Pure embarrassment and people walking around with a tank top with “ TUK TUK's go go bar” on the back, rubber boats think they are cool. And as my friend the Lawyer say:
- In Pattaya we have plenty of them. And most of them are bald with pony tail.
But the good thing I noticed, not only at my condo. They give up the whistling at more and more places. So now they are using red flags and you can see that they still are used to the whistling. Every time they are grabbing for their whistle, but then they remember that they are deprived of their whistles. GOOD!
Monday 14th of September 2009 and I was deader than alive when my alarm went off at 8 o'clock. It wasn't much better when I woke up the second time 35 minutes later.
School week again
I had time for a quick cuppa and a “ TUNA SURPRISE ” before going to the shower and I was off to school.
Today I left 1 hour early from school. I walked to Bangkok Bank and I got a new ATM card. This took 5 minutes and I was off towards transportation authorities in a taxi.
Plenty people and I had to spend one hour before I could go back home for my “TUNA SURPRISE” so I'm full of vim when my Teacher arrives.
But my Teacher arrives almost 1 hour too early and she disturbs me in my tuna and tea time. But I'm soon ready and we can start. Not long after the guy that does the ceiling in my bathroom come to start his work.
He will finish my wooden ceiling tomorrow and after that I hope I have had my last water leak in my bathroom. My Teacher left at 6 o'clock and she will be back tomorrow at 4 o'clock.
I received a phone call from my class mate in the afternoon school this morning and he will be in class tomorrow afternoon. So it will be 7 hours of school tomorrow. At least it will be 2 hours of fun tomorrow at the afternoon school.
When my Teacher had left I called my French class mate from morning school. He missed school today and I brought my hard drive so he could get some good music.
I took a taxi to Ratchadapisek Soi 14 where he has his apartment. I brought the hard drive in my new shopping bag from Bangkok Bank. I had planned to buy onions, tuna, canned corns and seaweed. Seaweed is the latest stuff I put in my “TUNA SURPRISE” to make it a little more exciting.
But it's a good thing, you see those shopping bags at more and more places. Otherwise you can't buy the smallest thing without them putting it in to 3 plastic bags. But when I came home from school today there was a parcel for me at the office.
- It was too big to put in your post box, the girl at the office told me.
It was a shopping bag from Bangkok Bank and when a bank gives away something you know they have over charged you for something.
Well, anyway, I took my hard drive in my shopping bag and I left for Ratchadapisek Soi 14. When I arrived to 7-11 I called my French class mate and he arrived together with our Italian class mate after 2 minutes.
I was speaking with my friend the Lawyer from Pattaya while waiting and it looks like he will be back in FUNKY TOWN on Wednesday
- So now we have to find another project to keep us busy during the days. Now we know all the galleries, I said.
We had talked about this earlier during the day so his bed sheets are in the washing machine while I'm visiting my friends. And I have thrown the pillows in the garbage so it will be fresh when he arrives.
We had a chat in my French class mate's apartment and after an hour or so I was off to Villa Market to buy onions, tuna, canned corns and seaweed. I also bought ginger.
- Hold on, I will just light up my last coffin nail, then I will give up smoking. According to Masken fresh ginger is the thing to use when giving up using snus so now I have ginger for a while. But of course, I will boost the ginger with some nico pads the first few days.
Tuesday 15th of September 2009 and yet another day half dead getting out of bed. I don't know what time I managed to get a sleep yesterday, well, it was actually this morning.
But it felt a little better after a hot shower and a shave. I had a “TUNA SURPRISE” and a pot of tea and I was off. I had planned to stop at the gold shop before school so I was leaving a little earlier today. I ran in to the guy that was going to do my ceiling in the bathroom in on the parking place, so we returned to my apartment and I opened the door for him. And hopefully he will be ready when I'm back home from school.
Well, the gold shop didn't open until 10 o'clock and I was 30 minutes early for school. I thought that I could kill a few minutes at Robinson Department store across the street. But they didn't open until 10 o'clock. DARN!
Our Italian class mate was in school so we had a chat and he asked if we should go for a smoke. I told him that I had given up smoking. But I can join you and we can chat a few minutes.
- Well, what the heck?! I can have one coffin nail.
At the first break I went down stairs and I had my second cigarette with my French class mate. 10 minutes and I had time for an orange juice and my friend had ice tea. We had a fag each and we were back in time for the second hour.
Time turns quick even though it tends to be a bit tedious at times and it was soon 10 minutes before 1 o'clock and time to go to my afternoon school. I stopped at my tailor at Soi 15 on the way to my afternoon school. He found a woman to make the baseball caps for me so we talked a little about different fabrics and stuff before taking the walk down to Soi 11
On the way up Soi 11 and I made a stop at the tailor making me the parachutes. But I needed some fabric for the baseball caps.
Even though they made my shirts smaller I get stuck everywhere. My sleeves get stuck in door handles and yesterday I got stuck on a rod and some of the buttons were ripped of the shirt. Hard to handle all this fabric, the shirt arrives 5 minutes after me.
Coming to school with my old camera and the Teacher asked where my small black camera was.
- I lost my valet and camera last Saturday.
She was bursting out in laughter.
- SOM NAM NAA!!!!
- Thanks for pepping me!
My class mate had brought his cookies and cheese cake and he and the Teacher were munching when I arrived 10 minutes after 1 o'clock.
- Have some cheese cake! I brought plastic plates.
Yeah, we have the terrible stank fresh in mind and as I said last time when he suggested that he would brought cheese cake to class:
- I would not eat noting from anything around here even if my life depended on it!
I said that I would like to have a piece of cheese cake now when he had been through the trouble bringing plates and forks together with the cake.
The cheese cake was delicious and, well, I can't say that we started the Thai studies when I was done eating the cake. But the frolic and lark started, well, actually, it started right off when I entered the room. It's hilarious during our afternoon classes and the teacher is up the wall every time.
And she hates me when I take pictures. I don't know why she hates it (maybe the look of the place), but every time she is screaming:
- I WILL SUE YOU!!!
- I don't see any sign saying taking pictures forbidden, I said.
- I tell you!
- He is taking beautiful pictures. You should see his web page, my class mate says.
Well, we have this discussion every time
But she hates it even more when I put my foot on the table. This is not polite, but talking on the mobile while having two paying students in the room is polite. Well, try to explain that.
Well, the phone rang and she answers. I'm chasing her around telling her that we want to study Thai. My class mate is walking around the room with a small table bell.
Kling Kling Kling
- I'm chasing away the ghosts!
Well, our teacher gets enough and she leaves the room blocking the door so we can't come after her. But I can hear her through the door. “Very crazy students”
Well, we're screaming of laughter while the Teacher is blocking the door. And my class mate retards the clock by 10 minutes for missing time.
Well, when the Teacher discovers this she is quick to advance the time again.
OK, honestly, my afternoon lessons are most for the fun of it. I don't learn very much. Well, a word here and there, but most of the time we're just laughing.
We are as she uses to say (every second minute) her most difficult students and she have to use all her energy.
- Well, you use more energy talking on the phone with some imaginary boyfriend!
- But you are just fooling around.
- But we're paying you! You have 2 paying students and we need all the attention we can get from you.
When the clock approached 3 she told us to hurry up and leave.
- I have a girl from Australia coming to study at 3 o'clock. I don't want her to see you!
Well, we got out of the place a few minutes after 3 o'clock and there was no sight of any Australian student. We walked to Sukhumvit and my friend took the sky train back home and I walked to the tailor at Soi 15 to leave him the fabrics I had bought at Soi 11.
I went back home for a “TUNA SURPRISE” and I discovered that my ceiling in the bathroom was ready. But where is my Teacher? Unbelievable, not a word and here I am sitting waiting wasting my time. What the ? What kind of people is this? But as my friend use to say. You never hear a Thai use the word THINK.
Well, as my friend said. Without the Chinese and Indians Thailand would have been yet another Laos or Cambodia. And I have been very impressed the last few weeks, everyone has been in time and the last decorator I had in my condo had an impressive approach to things.
My friend the Lawyer called in the evening.
- Have my bed ready, I will be in FUNKY TOWN tomorrow afternoon.
- The bed is already done! Bed sheets fresh from the washing machine.
Wednesday 16th of September 2009 and I was full of vim when the alarm went off at 8 o'clock, and that's even though I didn't managed to fall asleep until 3 o'clock or so.
A hot shower, “TUNA SURPRISE” and tea. No GOOD MORNING FAG so I had plenty time over before it was time to leave for school. And that’s even though I did my Thai alphabet CD. Otherwise I use to waste plenty time just sitting smoking in front of the computer and most of the time I have to rush to school. But today I took it easy and I even had time to go down to the management's office to get directions to the Thai government’s place where you register your house and address.
Well, I don't know what it is, but they give me a book with my name and address and I'm registered in my condo. I will go there after school and I will be home in time when my friend the Lawyer arrives.
I was alone in class and I spent most of the three hours talking with my Teachers. You learn to speak Thai and you can put your nose where it doesn’t belong at the same time.
It was quite fun and we were talking about life in general, but even though it was fun I was not sad when leaving after 3 hours. At my last hour the Teacher asked if she was on my web page. I assured her, but just to make her happy I took 2 more pictures. Of course, I didn't have my camera with me so I had to use the old telephone camera. And man! Why bother having a camera in the telephone? The quality left a lot to wish for.
I left school for the gold shop and on the way back to school. Yeah, I tale the escalator to 2nd floor at Time Square and I take the walk over to Robinson Department store and a taxi.
On the way back to Time Square I ran in to two of my Teachers on the way to lunch.
- Join us for lunch!
- Sorry! I'm on a diet.
- Join us or we will kill you!
- Thank you for destroying my diet!
Luckily enough they were going to a Korean restaurant. And no, they didn't had dog. Otherwise I could have had BBQ dog that we missed in Seoul. But the food was delicious and I would have loved to spend a few hours there with 2 beautiful girls.
- But I have no time!
The government office closes at 15:30 and I have to be at Thong Lo before that.
So I dashed off with a taxi and the process of getting the “HOUSE BOOK” took 5 minutes. But of course, I need to come back with a translation of my passport before they can put my name in the book. And I need a stamp from some other office. I will try to find out about this tomorrow.
I was back home around 15 thirty and I had time to put my new rules and regulation on the door before my friend arrives.
I had been home for 10 minutes when he called and he was on the way from the hospital.
5 minutes later my door bell rang and when I opened the door my private Teacher was standing outside. And 5 minutes later my friend was on the door. He had been in my apartment less than 2 seconds, OK, honestly, I had a fag in my mouth when he stepped inside. I knew what was going to come so I had been at 7-11 and bought 2 packs before going home.
New Rules at Aladdin Mansion
1) No smoking. I gave up 2 days ago. (But I just bought 2 packs just in case)
2) No restaurants. Only tuna and hot tea. MAXIMUM 2 TIMES PER DAY
3) Music are allowed at high levels when Aladdin is drunk
Please respect the new rules for Aladdin’s well being
My private Teacher left at 6 o'clock and my friend the Lawyer were soon to suggest that we should break rule #2.
- I'm hungry!
- Well, I will stay home for a “TUNA SURPRISE”
- Well, we can have some Thai food. That's good for the diet, my friend suggested.
We ended up at our “FAVOURITE” Thai restaurant at Soi 22 and of course I had too much to eat. I will look like an anti aircraft balloon in school tomorrow. But I must mention our Korean lunch again. When we left the restaurant they asked if I still were going to the gym.
- You're getting smaller by the day!
- Yeah, I will look good in 20 years.
Thursday 17th of September 2009 and it was not all that easy to get out of bed. But after a hot shower I was ready for breakfast. I was just ready having my “TUNA SURPRISE” and I was sitting in front of my computer when my friend the Lawyer came to have his morning coffee.
- What are you doing up already? I asked.
- Well, I have plenty to do.
Yesterday they needed a translation of my passport and my friend will go to get my passport translated before picking me up at school.
I called him at 12 and he had left my passport at the translator.
- I will be at your school 12:50
- Then we can have a “light” lunch
- HEY! I'm on diet.
We finished the school and my friend was sitting waiting outside the classroom. I passed the Teachers room and I saw the Teacher my friend thought was beautiful. OK, he has only seen her on my web page, but anyway. I called her and I introduced her to my friend.
- He saw your picture and he thinks that you are very beautiful.
My friend turned red as a tomato and we left school. But before we left she asked if we wanted us to join her for Japanese food tomorrow night.
- I'm very shy. Can my friend join?
My friend turned delirious with anticipation. Well, after leaving school we stopped on the bridge to Robinson Department store for a fag before crossing the bridge to Robinson and a taxi.
Our Italian class mate joined us for a fag. He has changed to the afternoon school so now I only meet him when I leave school. I stopped at my tailor at Soi 15 before our “light” lunch. My baseball caps were not ready.
- My life depends on the caps. I'm on a date tomorrow.
- Well, maybe we can have a few ready tomorrow afternoon.
“Light” lunch, I have never heard something so stupid before. Where
did he come up with this?
- You can watch me eat, he suggested.
- YEAH! FAT CHANCE!!
We took off to Soi 23 and we ended up at a Thai restaurant and waffle house. OK, the Thai food was OK, but I got worried when my friend “Mr. Light” lunch suggested a waffle for dessert.
- Well, don't you think we're better off?
- We take a small waffle. Children size.
Well, “Mr. Light” lunch and his light lunches. What a joke! I will not fall for the light lunch trick again.
- Tomorrow you better have finished your lunch when you come to pick me up at school.
I'm soon looking like an anti aircraft balloon instead of getting a V-shaped torso.
We finished the lunch and we went out to break my new NON SMOKING RULE. Well, I can't say that I have put any effort to enforce the rule. But at least I must mention my disappointment.
We took the 7 minutes’ walk from the restaurant to the translator on Asoke to pick up my passport translation. 650 Baht for the translation.
We were back home around 3 o'clock and both me and “Mr. Light lunch” wasn't feeling to good after the giant blueberry waffle. But I made tea and we had finished the pot at 4 o'clock when my Teacher was ringing on the door. Today my Teacher was, OK not impressed, but at least she could hear an improvement.
Today it was a totally different tune. Yesterday my friend was screaming of laughter when I was trying the tones with my Teacher. I went on and on about how he was playing guitar and trumpet. He was showing off like I never seen him do before.
- You know, I play all these instruments and I have an ear for the different tones.
- Yeah-yeah, Blah-blah, enough already!
But, today he was quiet. We could only hear my Teacher say things like, correct, good and today it's much better. 2 hours passed quickly and when the Teacher left at 6 o'clock me and “Mr. Light lunch” left for Pantip Plaza. I need new CDs, good to have a box at home stand-by for the next time going to Pattaya. Most of the taxis have a CD player today and drinking beer without music is not all that exciting.
Well, anyway, we went to buy the CDs and when we were at Pantip Plaza I looked around for a string for my camera. OK, I can as well be honest. Last Saturday I lost my valet and camera. Well, they were stolen, I must have been drinking a wee bit too much and I might have had my CONCRETE HAT on.
OK, looking for the string for my camera. I kept my old camera, I only gave my water tight camera to the girl taking care of my flowers. So I was looking for a string to the camera and I ended up buying a new camera. The same model I lost last Saturday.
We were both hungry when we were ready at Pantip Plaza and we decided to go have dinner at Sukhumvit Soi 22. We can not go to the same restaurant everyday and I have yet another favourite Thai restaurant on Soi 22.
We went to Ruanthathim Thai restaurant on Soi 22. The restaurant was full so we had to sit on the terrace. But it was a nice evening with a cool breeze so we were comfortable and the food was excellent.
Yesterday we came up with the idea if I should have a year off and we discussed the topic.
- I think I will go crazy just to go around do nothing for a year, I said.
- We will play golf and study Thai, it will be fun, “Mr. Light lunch” tried.
OK, I admit it’s a tempting idea, but we see. But school is fun and it could be interesting trying to play golf. But for 1 year??!!
OK, we have to see but I suspect that I will climb the walls after a few months of doing nothing. But as “Mr. Light lunch” said:
- You must learn how to relax and enjoy life.
- I'm already enjoying life, I said.
Friday 18th of September 2009 and it was quite easy to get out of bed today. A hot shower and my friend joined me for my breakfast. I pepped him to study the Thai script at breakfast and before leaving for school he had the ABC book open.
Arriving to school and I was on floor 24 10 minutes' before the hour. At 10 o'clock there was no sign of our Teachers. I took my place in my ordinary room and the rest of the student took their seat in the same room.
I was confused, I'm usually alone with my French class mate and 3 Filipino girls. But today it was only me and my French class mate together with a lot of other people. And when the Teacher came she started to teach us. After a few minutes we were all confused. And the Teacher said:
- I saw Aladdin so I went in to this class room. I usually teach him.
Our Teacher took me and my French class mate to another class room.
Our Teacher had red lips and blue eyes and I asked why she had make up today.
- We're going to a party tonight. You want to come?
We went for a smoke between the first and second hour and we use the fire exit for smoking. But we have to put something between the door and the threshold to prevent the door to close.
At the second hour we had another Teacher. Yeah, they have a rotating system going on, but don't ask me because I don't understand it. Well, she told us that they were going to have a SEXY BLACK party tonight and if we wanted to come.
- What is a SEXY BLACK party? I asked.
- Everyone wears black. Do you want to come?
- Who is coming?
- It's me and a model friend of mine and some other people.
- OK, so that's why all the Teachers are wearing black today.
I told her that I didn't had anything black.
- HEY! Why don't you call the party for “Fat, ugly, bald and red”? I asked.
- You can wear red, no problem!
I asked my French class mate if he wanted to go. But he had to go up early tomorrow so he said no.
- OK, I'm coming if you can convince him to go, I said.
My French class mate wanted to go after some persuasion and, well, we see. My French friend said that he would wear white and that I and he could sit at the table next to the SEXY BLACK team. Well, we see. I have my friend the Lawyer from Jomtien here and he is no condition for drinking after the operation last weekend.
My friend the Lawyer from Jomtien picked me up at 12:50 and we were off to the Foreign Ministry to get my stamp on my passport translation. Well, they sent us to the Department of Consular Affairs at Chengwattana, halfway to the old air port.
- F@cking hell, ask the driver to stop so we can buy a bottle of wine. This will be a long trip, I suggested.
We were back home at 15:30 with unfinished business, I had to get a stamp from the Swedish Embassy that the copy was real. I had dropped my friend at the waffle house so he could have his lunch. I went straight home waiting for my Teacher. Luckily enough she was stuck in traffic so I had time for my “TUNA SURPRISE”.
And the “TUNA SURPRISE” have became so exciting since I started to add the sea weed. Well, while “Mr. Light lunch” were munching at the waffle house I was eating health food and drinking tea. And when my Teacher arrived we started right off with the different tones in the Thai language. I can't hear the difference, but it's getting better so maybe one day.
And of course, my friend the Lawyer from Jomtien took the opportunity to learn at the same time. And both my friend the Lawyer from Jomtien and my Teacher had plenty fun listening to me trying the tones. And yes, I had to listen to the ear for tones and the guitar and trumpet story over and over again.
At 6 o'clock we finished class and I had a glass of white wine with my Teacher. Well, she didn't like it, she had only been drinking red wine before. Well, no problem, the Charisma Man finished the bottle himself. My friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” became disappointed when he saw the bottle on the table when coming out in the kitchen.
- What??!! You should stay sober this weekend.
- Well, it's only a glass and my Teacher wanted to try white wine. She never had tried white wine before, she had only been drinking red wine before.
- Yeah, you forced her to drink it. I could hear the corks flying in the kitchen when I was in my room.
Well, my Italian class mate was in a taxi on the way to my French friend on Ratchadapisek Soi 14. I told him that we would be there at 9 o'clock.
- We will be sitting at one of the bars outside 7-11 and we call you when we arrive.
Me and my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” arrived to 7-11 at Ratchadapisek Soi 14 just after 9 o'clock and my French and Italian friend were waiting at the 7-11. We went to drink a beer before going to the SEXY BLACK party. A few beers do wonders for my looks. a 6 pack is better than any diet in the world.
We finished all their Heineken and when they started to serve us Leo beer it was time to go. And the reason for going to pick up our French friend was that he knew the place where they should held the party. But I don't know, after being on every soi at Ratchadapisek looking for the place. It was good, I got to know Ratchadapisek and there are plenty places. Well, our Italian friend had to call one of our Teachers and ask about the place. By then My friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” had left us.
He was bored, of course he was sober and to sit in a taxi with 3 drunks and “Leare n Least” on full blast. And he was literally jumping out of the moving taxi. As he told me the day after:
- The driver. What a Nitwit! He started to drive when I was getting out of the car.
Well, our Teacher. She was home and happy that we called in the middle of the night. She directed us to the place and the first thing we saw when getting out of the taxi was one of our Teachers. I don't think she expected me because she was surprised to see me.
But she soon understood when my French and Italian friend came out of the taxi. And of course, running around in GOOD MORNING BOOTS isn't the coolest thing and they didn't let him in his flip flops.
- But you can rent a pair of shoes.
They took our Italian friend and when he came back he had a pair of shoes half of his normal size.
OK, I don't know what I had expected. SEXY BLACK was the theme and, well, I had expected a restaurant or something. But this was a disco and impossible to talk and millions of people running around. OK, going to disco, but do you need a theme for this? Next time, well, I always have the same theme when going out. “Hangover force 9,6” and that's as good as SEXY BLACK.
OK, disco and you could not talk so hopefully no one heard me saying anything stupid and, well, loud music or not, I might have made a total tit out of myself anyway. Yeah, we know Aladdin by now and our hero might be better off staying well clear of the school for a few days giving them a chance to forget me.
Saturday 19th of September 2009 and I woke up at 12:50. 10 minutes to go before my Teacher arrives. A quick shower and I was eating breakfast when she arrived. Study with a hangover force 9,6 isn't all that fun. But 2 hours of practice is 2 hours of practice even if you have a hangover
My friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” asked about the party yesterday:
I told him about the party and that it was at an ordinary disco.
- Maybe you arrived too late. It was very late when we left Soi 14.
- Yeah, maybe.
- Did you behave?
- I might take a month off from school and join you to Jomtien, I said.
We wanted to go see the big second hand market when my Teacher left, but when 2 taxi drivers had refused to take us there we decided to go watch a movie. It was 5 o'clock and the movie started at 18:30 so we had to kill time.
- Let's go eat.
- Correct me if I'm wrong. But didn't we have some new rules at Aladdin's Mansion?
- It's Saturday!
- OK, let's go already, I said.
We looked around for a restaurant and we found one across Ekkamai.
Well, I was hungry so we crossed Ekkamai (Sukhumvit Soi 63) and had our dinner at the corner of Ekkamai and Sukhumvit. My friend ordered a fish and they brought a whole whale for him. He was shocked.
New Rules at Aladdin Mansion
1) No smoking. I gave up 2 days ago. (But I just bought 2 packs just in case)
2) No restaurants. Only tuna and hot tea. MAXIMUM 2 TIMES PER DAY
3) Music are allowed at high levels when Aladdin is drunk
Please respect the new rules for Aladdin’s well being
- NO CHANCE I CAN EAT ALL THAT!
- Lucky there is no Greenpeacers around to see you, I said.
Well, and dinner wasn't enough. We had the table right in front of the cake display so we ordered a few pieces of cake as well.
And on top off that we ordered a box of something that looked like vanaila buns. But the vanila buns turned out to be buns with butter and sugar on top. And how tasty is that? Not very! And they were a killer for my diet as well. Well, my healthy life style capzised the very same day my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” from Jomtien arrived to FUNKY TOWN. But I will kick off my new life style on Monday.
We finished the dinner at 6 o'clock so we still had 30 minutes to kill before the movie started. We left the restaurant at exactly 6 o'clock and that's the time they play the national anthem in radio and on TV.
And obviously they took it a wee bit more serious at this restaurant. The whole staff was in the garden to take down the flag. And I was running around taking pictures.
Well, the flag came down half way and then they just let the flag hang there. I don't understand why, but when the flag was half way down the staff left and the music stopped.
I and my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” left for the cinema. We did a stop at the Mini Mart for coffin nails and something to drink. This is the last pack of fags we buy. Sunday at midnight we will give up nicotine and I can finally find some use for my ginger lying rotting away in my fridge.
The movie, a real sleeping pill. First we had to suffer through 30 minutes of bull shit and when the movie started at 7 o'clock we were about to leave the darn place. When move finally came to an end we were so happy to get out of there. We went to see my Tailor at Soi 15 and 2 of the baseball caps were ready.
We took my baseball caps and we went next door to Manhattan hotel for a snack.
We had a late dinner at Manhattan before taking the walk to Villa Market on Soi 11 and we were soon back home. My Teacher will arrive tomorrow morning at 10 and my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” will be at the hospital at 10 o'clock. So when we are ready at 12 we will have the rest of the day for free activities.
At 10 o'clock my French friend called. He just came back from Korat. I asked what time we got home yesterday, well, this morning.
- I don't remember. It's the same every time I party with you.
Yeah, and I have to spend every Sunday at Thong Lo Police station for my lost driving licence report and then I have to dash off to the second hand market to look for my lost valets, camera, watches and stuff.
Sunday 20th of September 2009 and at 8 o'clock the reveille was sounded. I was dead tired and it took me 15 minutes before I could call my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” and wake him up. I had been watching DVDs until 4 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, you know, it's impossible to sleep with a hangover. So now you know why I have a TV and DVD player.
So if it wasn't for the hangovers I would not have bothering buying a TV.
Well, anyway, My friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” was up and about already so he will be in time at the hospital.
My Teacher was in time and we were busy studying when my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” returned from the hospital. He fired up my lap top on the kitchen table first thing.
- Let's check out what lies you have put on your web page.
He was disturbing me and my Teacher all the time while reading.
- Where do you come up with all this bullshit?
- You never mention all the cake you ate!
- Here is nothing about the 2 main courses you ordered at Manhattan hotel!
- And you forced the Teacher to drink the wine!
And of course, I'm losing valuable time when he keeps my Teacher busy with his Thai script. But I'm a nice guy so I let it slip. Well, when my Teacher left we had the rest of the Sunday for free activities.
And I was not surprised when my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” suggested that we should go have a “LIGHT LUNCH”
- Are you kidding me??!!
- It's Sunday fer f@cks sake!
- OK, let's go! I haven’t been there for a very long time. They
have excellent food, but I'm not happy about going there. I will soon look, well, pretty much already do, looking like an anti aircraft balloon.
- Hey, by the way! Isn't it time for you to go back home to Jomtien soon so I can get my life back on the track towards a V-shaped torso?
Our taxi driver was a good one. The traffic was at a full stop on Asoke so he crossed Asoke. A big NO NO if the Police is around to see you. But thanks to our Dare Devil driver we were soon on Soi 19. From Soi 19 it's just 150m to Soi 15 and you turn right. Passing Soi 11 and Q Bar and we were on Soi 3 within 5 minutes.
And from Soi 3 we were down on Sukhumvit in a jiff and we stopped at Soi 5 and Tony Roma's. Light lunch, yeah, FAT CHANCE!!
At Tony Roma's there is nothing light, but delicious food.
The Baked potato soup at Tony Roma's is so good that I could have had a bucket of it. But I'm on a diet so a small bowl was enough.
Mozzarella sticks, well, I have had better so if you feel for Mozzarella Sticks don't waste your money at Tony Roma's. There are better places if you like deep fried Mozzarella sticks.
And of course, the world famous Baby Backs. Yes, I never have had any better ribs. They are excellent and I remember a few years back. Pre diet age. I was going with my friend to eat ribs at Tony Roma's. We should meet at 7 o'clock and I was 40 minutes early so I could have a full slab before my friend arrived.
I was ready when he arrived and we ordered a full slab each and when it was time to pay I took the bill. My friend caught sight of the bill.
- HOW MUCH??!! Let me check!
- Never mind, leave the bill to me.
I snatched the bill from my hand.
- 3 full slabs. Are they cheating us?
- Your friend had 2 full slabs
And my “LIFE COACH” reminds me of this every time I meet him. Well, this is some 10 years ago and as I mentioned before, pre diet age.
When we were finished without “Light Lunch” my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” caught sight of the “Save the best for last”. I know their Brownie Sundae with whipped cream and ice cream. Excellent, but I skipped the dessert this time. But I enjoyed looking at my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” eating one of those Brownie Sundaes. They are served in the size of a jumbo jet.
I could not help myself, I just had to tell him that there were more calories in his Brownie Sundae than in the whole of my meal.
- Yeah, most likely. But tomorrow it's Monday and we will start our new life.
We paid the bill and we walked down to my Tailor on Soi 15 to see if he had any more baseball caps ready for me.
- Maybe tomorrow.
We went to the Mini Mart next door and bought our last pack of cigarettes. At midnight we will give up the nicotine. Well, I will use a nico pad during the night.
The afternoon turned to evening quickly and my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” suggested a light dinner.
- Where? I asked.
- We can have some Thai food, healthy and light.
We got dressed and we were off in a taxi. We finished our dinner with sticky rice and mango. A quick coffin nail, only a few hours left until midnight. When we finished our fags we went to Foodland to buy seaweed for my “TUNA SURPRISE”.
We were back home at 22:30, darn! The days disappear like a snap with the fingers here in Bangkok. Well, I have seaweed, tuna, corn and green peas for my breakfast tomorrow.
Monday 21st of September 2009 and I will skip morning school today.
School week again
- If it's due to the SEXY BLACK and I can't remember what I did?
- Hmm, well, my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” will go back home to Jomtien today and I will see him off when he disappears with a taxi. And my decorator is coming at 1 o'clock to have a look at my guest bathroom.
OK, I might give my French class mate a call this afternoon to check if he had been in school. And maybe more important, if there had been any “reactions” at the SEXY BLACK ballyhoo last Friday. Any sign off any unmoral reactions and I'm off to Jomtien.
My first day without taking a snus first thing in the morning. I put a nico patch on my arm when I went to bed and when I woke up I had a nico chewing gum. After my exciting breakfast I put some ginger under my lip and, well, we see in a few days.
I had my “TUNA SURPRISE” and today I skipped the olive oil. We bought Tuna Salad from a Mediterranean recipe at Foodland yesterday. Well, it wasn't all that exciting and it was mostly green beans in the can. Tomatoes and herbs, my guess is that it was cheap tomato ketchup.
After breakfast I spent 2 hours throwing away tiles. I bought them for my balcony 10 years ago. And of course it was one of the Pattaya Beach Boys doing the job. Difficult to figure out how many tiles you need for a balcony, MOTHERF@CKER! I spent about 70,000 Baht on the darn tiles 10 years ago and now it was time to throw away the tiles for good.
- Good to have a few in spare!
- Yeah, Motherf@cker! You're not the one paying and you’re too stupid to figure out how many tiles you need! NITWIT!
Well, it was a totally different tune with my last contractor.
- We didn't use all the wall paper rolls so we deduct the price.
When my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” was ready with his breakfast we had the two last cigarettes in the pack we bought yesterday. Otherwise I'm chewing nico gum, the ginger wasn’t all that exciting.
Well, at 12:30 my friend left for Jomtien. We went down and the security guard arranged a taxi for him while my friend was waiting under the garden umbrella that the security is using as protection from the sunshine.
The security guard arranged a taxi and when the taxi was on the way towards us the security guard started to scream at the taxi:
- PATTAYA PATTAYA PATTAYA
I estimated the distance to the taxi to about 100m when the security guard started to bellow to the taxi driver, and of course, he could hear f@ck all of the thing the security guard was holler. But I'm sure all my neighbours could hear him shouting “PATTAYA PATTAYA” and I was embarrassed.
- Aladdin??!! This nice guy having friends going to Pattaya??!!
The security staff helped my friend with his bags and he was off towards Pattaya. But he will be back in 3 weeks again. And then it will be strict rules in force. “Anders, nu får det vara slut med badvakt's kläderna. Dom går här och undrar om det var en badvakt man hadde på besök. Och NEJ, det är inte sexigt med sandaler och flip flops”
I returned to my apartment waiting for the contractor to have a look at my guest bathroom. I will ask him if he can put water seal in the shower without needing to destroy the whole floor. I'm pretty sure that it will be impossible to buy new tiles looking the same. And then we have to do the whole bathroom all over again and I don't know if I want to go through all that again.
When the contractor left it was time to set my plan in motion. I called my French class mate to see if he had been in school.
- No, I was at the airport to pick up a friend.
Darn! I tried the Italian class mate.
- No, I only go on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons.
Darn! Well, at least my Italian class mate will hear the rumours tomorrow afternoon and best case scenario is me back in school Wednesday morning. I can take the elevator straight to the 24th floor and if there are any signs of trouble I'm out of there in a jiff. Well, my Italian class mate can have some good news tomorrow afternoon, hopefully.
While waiting for my Teacher I went down to my local 7-11 to buy some diet drinks and some other stuff. Jaja, Anders. Nu vill jag inte höra en massa nästa gång vi synes, nu när man ska ha fri år. Men läraren har tydligen en kompis som e jäkligt bra på att göra Thai mat så dom kommer 4 stycken den 9 oktober, glöm ej rödvinet så ska vi slå klackarna i taket. Och det värsta var att hon sa att hon saknade dig. Fan o bli brädad av en gammal gubbe. Jaja, jag saknar dig allt lite också, så d så.
Well, anyway, my teacher only drinks Pepsi so I'm better off having a few bottles in the fridge when she arrives. She was waiting for me at the entrance when I came home from 7-11 with my diet drinks.
We got two hours of studying before she left at 6 o'clock. I went to see my Tailor on Soi 15. My baseball caps were ready, but I had to send back 3 of them. Way too big, well, actually, all of them were bigger than I wanted them. But 5 were OK to use and they will make the ones I returned 4 inch smaller. So maybe they will be ready in a few days. But more important, in the right size!
Seems like all my plans are getting f@cked up. I'm calling my French and Italian friend to see if it's green light for school. No one had been at school, the only thing happening was that I ended up drinking with my French friend and his friends.
We went to RCA and Route 66 and we had to take 2 taxis, via Phayathai Road. One of his friends are studying at ABAC University and he needed to change clothes. He was wearing his school uniform and according to him it was a big NO NO to be seen at a disco in school uniform. I don't know if they get kicked out from school or if they get a slap on the fingers.
Well, anyway, we had to go via Phayathai Road to get him some new clothes and he could leave his school books at home. He also needed to pick up a ticket for a bottle of whiskey he had bought at a disco somewhere in FUNKY TOWN.
Well, I don't know what time we arrived to Route 66 at RCA, but it didn't take long before we had a bottle of vodka on the table.
Well, we soon had the second bottle of vodka on the table in a jiff and the spirit was high. And I saw something I never had seen before. You could order a vodka tower, I don't know what it is, but we didn't dare order one. We might have ended up sitting there for 3 days drinking vodka.
We had fun and my French friend gave me the green light to go back to school.
- The Teachers was very drunk and we behaved.
Of course, it was not so fun to hear that my French friend had to carry me home from the SEXY BLACK night.
- No problem, everyone was very drunk.
- OK, maybe I have to carry you tonight, I said.
We meet more people we knew at the place and when it was time to leave for the next disco we had to call a whole bunch of taxis.
I have always been happy about my place where I live. It's easy to reach my soi where ever you come from. But there is one bad thing at my soi, Little Italy. An Italian restaurant open 24 hours and when on my way home yesterday we passed the Little Italy and I asked the driver to stop. I had an early morning pizza before going home to sleep. Very stupid and a killer for my diet.
Tuesday 22nd of September 2009 and I woke up at 12:30. Very good, I have started to sleep again. Back in the days it was never mind what time I came home, I always woke up between 7 and 8 in the morning. Impossible to fall asleep again and I always had terrible hangovers.
But today I woke up feeling good after plenty good sleep. Of course, I could not find my phone and I'm gettin' tired of having to go to the second hand market looking for my things every time I have been on a little “Get together”.
I used to have Velcro© fastening on my side pockets, but I ripped them off because they always f@cked up my shirts. So sitting in the taxi and the phone slid out of my pocket.
So I called AIS and they cancelled my SIM card.
- Come down to our shop at Emporium and we will give you a new SIM card with the same number in 15 minutes.
I took a taxi to Emporium shopping centre and while they did a new SIM card I went to buy nico chew and a new telephone. I went for some fresh cash at the ATM. Well, some on was sending SMS or whatever she did at the ATM so I paid my nico chew with my card.
ATM, I spend maximum 20 seconds to get my cash. Now you send SMS and all kinds of stuff, and I won’t be surprised if I have to wait for someone busy baking bread in the ATM in the near future. While people in need of cash are lining up waiting for hours for the darn bread to be ready.
I see people having mobile phones with cute teddy bears attached to them. So I asked the seller if he had a phone with a hole so I could attach a string to it. And my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” is always pepping me:
- You will soon look like a Christmas tree with all the stuff around your neck.
- Always nice talking to you.
And I was stupid enough to tell him about my adventure at Little Italy.
- What was the size of the pizza? They had to bring it in with a Bobcat®.
- Always nice talking to you.
Well, the good thing is that I will be back in morning school tomorrow. And when my evening Teacher is going home I will be right off to the gym. My new “healthy” life will start tomorrow.
- Where have I heard that before?
For sure I need to change my life style if I should go ahead with my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch's” idea to have a year’s holiday. Spend 12 months on the bars and the second hand market looking for lost things. Of course, as you understand, this is an intolerable situation.
Wednesday 23rd of September 2009 and today I woke up without any name cards in my pockets. Yesterday I woke up with my pockets full name cards. Lawyers and all kind of strange people, but not any numbers to any beautiful girls though.
Getting out of bed wasn't that easy when the alarm went off at 8 o'clock. A slight hangover and it isn't easy to fall asleep and most of the night was spent watching movies. Well, it was almost 20 past when I was in the shower.
I was at school 5 minutes before 10, didn't want to hang around too long if anyone started to talk about the SEXY BLACK adventure last Friday. But it was cool. The Teacher at the first hour told me that she wanted to “hang out” with me.
- You seem to be a fun guy to party with.
Well, what can I say? I only wished that my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” could have been there to listen to it. For sure, I could not believe my ears.
It was only my French friend and 5 Filipino girls in class today. But of course the best is when it's only me and my French friend. The Filipino girls were tittle-tattle so it was impossible to hear anything. The Teacher had to tell them to zip it. But it was pretty much in vain.
Well, my Teachers asked if I wanted to go have lunch with them after school. One of them are from Chiang Mai and she asked about the restaurant on Soi 22 I use to go to. This curry soup (soap eller va nu soppa hetter på Engelska) is Chiang Mai food.
- I don't want to go. I'm on a diet, I said.
But they forced me and we should meet on floor three at 1 o'clock. Floor three and this is where the reception is. And this is also the floor where I have classes on Tuesday and Thursdays. This will be the first real test of my behaviour at the SEXY BLACK adventure last Friday. None of the Teachers on the 24th floor had been at the party.
I was relieved when approaching and the (most beautiful on the school) girl in the reception caught sight of me. She smiled and waved at me. What a relief, she seems happy so I guess my French friend was right.
- We behaved very good!
But our Teacher, Miss Chocolate looked at me like she felt sorry for me and I instantly felt uncomfortable. Yes, I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
- Do you remember last Friday? What you did to my Japanese friend?
Well, hmm, of course! What the hell to say? And no signs of the two Teachers taking me for lunch. When they finally came I was out of there like my life depended on it.
We were soon sitting eating curry soup (soap eller va nu soppa hetter på Engelska) and the Teacher became homesick. They play music from Northern Thailand and this is the kind of music she used to play on the guitar when she was a child.
I ordered sticky rice with mango, and of course, just a small one. Keeping appearance when the Teachers are with me. When my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” is in town is OK to order big servings.
When we were ready we took a taxi to Bangkok Bank at Soi 8 and then we walked back to school. One Teacher had to teach and the other one went to the BTS station to go home.
- Where are you going?
- I take a taxi from Robinson going home.
- Why don't you walk?
Yeah, why don't I? So I walked home and I ended up in an exciting electrical work at Prasanmit Plaza. And of course, I always have my camera handy.
While walking home I had the time to philosophize over life in general. Especially SEXY BLACK and Miss Chocolate. Maybe I should give her a can of deterrent spray. Of course attached to a string so she has it handy around her neck next time I'm coming around.
- Hmm, maybe the PISS OFF spray would be better? Needs to be some strong stuff anyway.
- YEAH! THAT'S IT! Next time I'm a little tipsy she just spray me with the PISS OFF spray and I will be out of there.
It’s a win win situation. Yeah, think about it! She will be left alone and I don't have to skip classes while trying to figure out what I did at the last “GET TOGETHER”
I will see if I can find any PISS OFF or deterrent spray in Bangkok, or maybe I have to have someone bringing it in from Europe.
Coming home from school and I changed to my gym clothes. My Teacher was a no show and I was off to the gym, a wee bit pissed off. But I will do the same, my Teacher is knocking on the door and I will not be home. Maybe she will learn something, but most likely not.
But it was nice to be at the gym, or more correctly, it was nice going home from the gym.
A quick “TUNA SURPRISE” and a bucket of tea. An hour on the phone with my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” and it was soon 9 o'clock.
- Darn! I have to go to Foodland for some shopping. Speak to you later.
I grabbed my Bangkok Bank Shopping bag “It's hot to be cool” and when I got out of the building it started to rain.
- What the !
Even though it was raining I walked to Foodland. But I took a taxi back home, I was already soaked but now I had my shopping bag full of tuna and seaweed. And I found the deterrent spray! So I will hand it over to the Teacher tomorrow.
- Next time at a disco and you see Aladdin just scream PISS OFF and spray me and I will go jump in the lake.
Will be interesting to see her reaction tomorrow. But she looked very disappointed today. Then it's better if she is angry a few minutes.
- Do you remember what you did with my Japanese friend?
F@cking hell, sounds like she is hospitalised.
Thursday 24th of September 2009 and it took me 20 minutes to get out of bed. I went to bed at midnight but I didn't felt asleep until 3 o'clock in the morning. A hot shower helped a little and I was in school in time with my deterrent spray.
But I really don't know if Miss Chocolate appreciated the spray. Or most likely, she didn't understand my kind of humor. Well, my class was going for lunch after class but now I really have to get my diet back on the right track.
My contractor called in the afternoon and he told me that they would not start with my guest bathroom until Tuesday. The delivery of the water seals was delayed.
So I will be off to Pattaya and my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” tomorrow. I will bring my weekend bag to school and I will go straight from school to Pattaya. I expect to arrive around 3 o'clock in the afternoon. But this weekend will be a weekend without any drinking. We will spend the weekend with golf and adventure. At least this is the plan.
Coming home from gym and I searched the internet with the e-mail address to my evening school. I lost the number with my phone. I was lucky and I found the web page and I could call the Teacher and I'm back on the afternoon classes. As it looks now it will be the same time me and my friend have. The other days she only have time between 12 and 2 and if I finish my morning school at 1 o'clock it will only be 1 hour, so no use to go. But we see if we can arrange something.
I will call her back on Monday to see if there are any cancellations.
Friday 25th of September 2009 and I brought my weekend bag to school so I can leave FUNKY TOWN straight after school. ETA to my hotel around 1530 in the afternoon.
I was a wee bit delayed due to a stop at 7-11 for a diet drink and some other stuff. I was drinking my diet drink while sucking on the other stuff I bought and when I was finished I stopped a taxi. We were soon on our way down Sukhumvit and what I thought was the toll way tollbooth at Sukhumvit. But obviously my driver had other plans.
He wanted to take the elevated highway between Bang Na and Chonburi.
- Why not? I have not been on the elevated highway for years and I don't need to make my usual pit stop for beer and stuff at the pit stop on the Bangkok Chonburi motorway.
The theme for this weekend is adventure, sport and a healthy lifestyle. I brought one of my golf shirts that I bought in Houston a few years ago. Never used and I paid a fortune for the darn shirts. But now they will come to use.
My driver stopped in Bang Na to fill up LPG in his car and I bought 3 bottles of diet drinks. We were soon on the way towards Pattaya and we were on the old road to Pattaya. Sukhumvit Road goes all the way from Bangkok to Cambodia.
This is the original road before the elevated highway to Chonburi was ready.
- Hey, go up on the high way!
- I will take the Motorway.
- Never mind, the motorway and the elevated highway is merging in Chonburi.
When the elevated highway was ready it was pretty quick to go to Pattaya. But before that it could take several hours. We were leaving Bangkok in the afternoon and we arrived to Pattaya in the evening. OK, it was not all due to the roads.
There are no stops on the elevated highway, but the old road had several gas stops and we stopped at most of them to get a fresh supply of beer and stuff. And of course, we always had to have an entertainment centre with us. You could not spend hours in Bangkok looking for a car with a working cassette deck. We brought our own and we saved plenty time.
But reaching Chonburi and from there the road was terrible. But when they finally finished the motorway between Bangkok and Pattaya you can do it from Bangkok city to your hotel in Pattaya on 2 hours flat. The trouble is the traffic on Sukhumvit before you're up on the toll way.
Well, of course, it happened that our trips to Pattaya ended before even getting in to a taxi. But we were young and it's a long time ago. AND PLEASE BELEIVE ME! IT'S NOT ME ON THE RIGHT HAND SIDE PICTURE.
Well, there are a few trips worth remembering. Who can forget when I was chased down the highway stock car rally style. I was in the back drinking Breezers when the driver told me that there was a car following us. I turned off my iPod and I looked back. There was a car with two girls. Well, girls, they were more like 45 or something like that.
We exchanged phone numbers in 130km/h and then my phone was ringing 24/7. I thought it was a joke, but we ended up on a date in Lat Prao and she brought her younger sister as an interpreter. And she was beautiful. But I had to leave.
- I will leave for a 5 years business trip and I call you when I'm back.
But this trip was different, I was in the back seat doing homework drinking diet drinks.
Coming to Chonburi and we were soon on the new motorway to Pattaya. Not too much traffic and we were hauling arse down the highway.
When we arrived to Pattaya we turned right at Pattaya Klang and my French Class mate called. I had told him that I was going to Pattaya.
- We're going to Pattaya. Do you want me to pick you up and you can ride with us in my car.
- I'm in Pattaya already. But call me when you arrive to Pattaya
There wasn't very much traffic on Pattaya Klang and we were soon turning in to Beach Road Soi 8 and we were soon passing my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” on the way to my hotel to meet me.
We parked outside my hotel and the porter took care of my bag and my empty diet drink bottles. My friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” arrived at the same time and we were soon in my room leaving my weekend bag.
I got a little worried when my friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” asked if he could park his motorcycle at my hotel.
- Can't you drive home tonight?
- No, there are so many drunk drivers out there.
- Hmm, maybe you want a drink?
- ME??!! OH NO!
I was hungry and we went to the German restaurant around the corner and I ordered a chicken salad. My friend “Mr. Can I park my motor cycle at your hotel” was not hungry so he ordered coffee and Brandy.
- I would like a Cognac, but they only have Brandy here.
- But what about the golf? And the healthy life style?
The waitress showed him the bottle and my friend “Mr. Can I park my motor cycle at your hotel” was a wee bit disappointed. But he ordered a glass of Brandy to his coffee and apple pie. I just had a bad feeling about this Friday night and I had to order a Tiger beer.
When we were finished at the German restaurant we went to the Walking Street.
- Let's have a look at a few galleries.
- Ah, we go have a beer.
We passed a new place, the “Good Fellas”. Brand new and no customer inside. They had spent millions on the decoration so they need to have lot of money to make some money out of this place. I think this kind of place is a little out of place in Pattaya.
All the guys in Singha tank tops and rubber boots are mostly looking for happy hours and they won't appreciate any decoration. They want cheap beers.
- Well, Friday night and it's empty. If this place is still open in a year from now it's most likely money laundering.
My French class mate called and I went to pick him up on Walking Street. We were the only three customers at Good Fellas so they were not making much money. My French class mate went to pick up his wife at the beauty salon and me and my friend “Mr. Can I park my motor cycle at your hotel” left for my hotel to pick up some snus.
And it was no surprise, at least not to me, that we ended up at my friend “Mr. Can I park my motor cycle at your hotel” favourite bar, the B-52.
It didn't take long before I was in charge over the remote control and my friend “Mr. Can I park my motor cycle at your hotel”, Pattaya's oldest Hip Hopper was in a good mood. And well, I was tired after a long week with school and gym so it was soon time for me to get my POWER NAP.
- Jaja Hagge, nu vill jag inte höra om julgrans plundringar och annat! Och där med basta!
Saturday 26th of September 2009 and I went out of bed at 11. No hangover. OK, it was not a sensational feeling getting out of bed. But I'm sleeping after a night out and I don't have any hangovers. And valium, I haven't used them for a very long time. After a search on the internet I found out that this is no ordinary Scooby Doo medicine. This will be discovered and treaded as drugs when they do drug tests on you. So I stay well clear of the valium. And they can discover it for a very long time after use.
I was disappointed at my friend “Mr. Pattaya's oldest Hip Hopper” and I called him.
- Today I will use my golf shirt even if I have to go to Bangkok to play golf.
- OK, I will be at you hotel in a jiff.
- Good, I'm at Central so let's meet there.
I went to Central, a 2 minutes' walk from my hotel. I bought a barrel of fresh orange juice while waiting for my friend “Mr. Pattaya's oldest Hip Hopper”. I walked around looking at the tourists. It's a big place they have built, but there are no customers around so I guess they lose money by the day.
When my friend arrived he got a chock, he never seen me in a t-shirt or a polo shirt before. But at the same time, as the old golfer he is, he was impressed by the quality of my golf shirt.
He took a picture of me with my new shirt and we took off to my hotel for a diet drink and to pick up my camera. Then we were off for the driving range.
We went in to the golf shop and I rented 2 golf clubs and we went back out on the driving range. I made a stop to buy a bottle of diet drink. My friend went to pick up his handicap card at the club house and the girl working at the driving range gave me 2 boxes of golf balls.
I started to hit the balls and I must admit that it happened that I lost my temper. Fer f@cks sake, sometimes the balls went backwards. I ran after the balls using my golf club as a mallet. And there were 2 Japanese players wetting their pants laughing. Well, who cares?
The girl working came running and she gave me some helpful pointers. So when my friend “Mr. Pattaya's oldest Hip Hopper” came back with his new handicap card and the latest issue of Pattaya People I was shooting the balls to the other end of the driving range.
My friend was disappointed after reading PATTAYA PEOPLE. Last time he came to visit me in FUNKY TOWN he had to stop at PATTAYA PEOPLE to pick up a bottle of perfume that he won in the lucky draw. They had taken pictures of him when they handed over the GRAND PRIZE and he expected to appear in the news paper.
But he wasn’t very impressed by the prize. As he said when he came to FUNKY TOWN last time.
- The bottle was full of dust and the box was sun-bleached.
He showed me the prize and the box almost felt apart when I took it.
- For sure a display bottle, I said.
- Yeah, the lucky draw was their only chance to get rid of the darn thing.
- Yeah, no one in full possession of all the senses would buy that bottle of perfume, I said.
But never the less, my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” was disappointed. He had been talking about this since they took the picture and he was happily surprised when he came back with the new issue. Saturday and he had expected the issue to be on the streets earliest on Monday.
- There is no picture of me in the news paper!
- Consider yourself lucky! Who wants his face in that paper?
- Yeah, but.....
- No, I would pay money if it could save me from appear in this news paper with a cheap bottle of perfume in my hand.
After the third box we left the place and we decided to walk down the third road to the Danish restaurant where we had had our lunch last time playing golf. My friend will sign off his ship and he thought that he would arrive to FUNKY TOWN 2 o'clock Saturday afternoon. Now it was 3 o'clock and still no call from him. I called him and his telephone was still off.
- He has not arrived to Thailand yet, but you know how it is in the shipping business. They might be a few days delayed, I said.
- If he is arriving today it's unavoidable to have a few drinks tonight, my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” said.
I could not believe my f@cking ears. And there was a glimmer of hope in his voice as well. Is my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” downhearted?
- What the ! I thought the theme for this weekend was sport and healthy life style, I said.
- Yeah, but....
- You really don't give up until you f@cked up my life totally, do you?
The Danish restaurant didn't excited anymore so we decided to go to a Thai restaurant where I use to go eat curry soup. Every time my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” is in FUNKY TOWN he complains about the lack of Thai restaurants in Pattaya. I told him that there was one at Pattaya Klang, close to Tops.
- Show this to me next time in Pattaya, he asked.
We had a LIGHT LUNCH and then we left for a diet drink at Globetrotters. And I don't know what it is with the clock in Thailand. But suddenly it was evening and time for a light dinner.
- We can eat Japanese at Royal Garden, my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” suggested.
- OK, let's have a walk down there.
We walked through Central and then we walked down Pattaya Beach Road. Impossible to walk on the side walk, but the Beach Promenade had been very good the last few years.
They really have managed to make the Beach Promenade a nice place to walk at. Ok, there are a lot of single girls looking for boyfriends and I don't think the police are doing very much to get a stop to it. But you have to take the bad things with the good things and it's a pretty nice place to have a stroll at night, and day. And of course, there is always something to see, much thanks to the prostitutes and all the guys walking around in their “TUK TUK's go go bar” tank tops and rubber boots. So maybe I should be grateful instead of complaining too much on the tank top and GOOD MORNING BOOTS guys.
We reached Royal Garden and my Japanese restaurant. I use to go to this restaurant, one of the best I ever been to. Their avocado sushi with sesame melts in your mouth. And to top this with their lamp chops Japanese style and you have to roll out of from the place.
Actually, I had to ask my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” to help me finish my avocado sushi’s. OK, I ordered 3 plates of the avocado sushi’s, but they are so good. And with the seaweed it must be very healthy to. And talking about seaweed, maybe it's all the seaweed helping to alleviate the hangovers. Well, in combination with a lot of sleep I think it helps because I felt good the whole Saturday. Otherwise I'm terrible the day after a night on town.
When we were finished with the dinner we took the walk to the Walking Street. There was a wee bit strange D-tour that I never understood.
- Men d behöver vi ju inte säga till nån Hagge.
We had been on the Walking Street for 2 minutes when we ran in to a guy with exactly the same sling as my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man”
We walked to the end of the Walking Street with one stop for a diet drink. When we reached the pier I took a few pictures over Pattaya and we started to walk back.
We looked at some of the people painting portrait of people. We agreed that the paintings didn't looked like the people sitting there delirious with anticipation to see the painting. But we had walked up the Walking Street for 3 minutes when we passed a guy that painted portraits in 10 minutes.
But this looked more like caricatures and I asked my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” if we should make a drawing of us. He was a little hesitant but I managed to persuade him to do it. So the guy started to draw my friend and when he was ready it was my turn. It took about 20 minutes to do the 2 of us and we paid him 150 Bath.
OK, I can agree with my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” when he says that it doesn’t look very much like us. But what the heck?
- At least you have a nice souvenir to put on your wall, I said.
By now it was late and it was time to go back to the hotel to get some sleep. My friend wanted to stop for a diet drink and I suggested a milk shake. Walking up 2nd Road to Royal Garden and we walk through the Royal Garden to Burger King. We order 2 straw berry shakes but the milkshake machine is out of order.
- OK, let’s have a milkshake at Central, my friend suggested.
We left Royal Garden but when we reached Central it was closed and we had to go back to my hotel at Soi 8.
- Good! We dodged millions of calories.
Sunday 27th of September 2009 and I got out of bed at 11 o'clock. I had been reading until 3 or 4 in the morning so I needed to sleep. I went down for breakfast and when my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” arrived we left for Big C at the North of Pattaya. I was looking for a book I bought there a few years back, but obviously they were out of this book. I have been in all the book shops in Pattaya and I have come up with ZIP.
Back to my hotel to check out and then it was time for lunch and when we left the restaurant I asked a taxi driver that was parked with his car at 2nd road to pick me up at my hotel at 15:30.
- I will go to Bangkok.
I had to pick up a few shirts at 3 o'clock and while waiting for the clock to be 3 I went back to the pier at the end of Walking Street to get a few pictures of Pattaya in daylight. My friend called at 14:30 and now he had arrived to the airport.
- Where are you?
- I'm in Pattaya.
- Same place at last time?
- No use for you to come here, I will go back to Bangkok in an hour.
- OK, then I go to Korat to sign my divorce papers and I will be in Bangkok on Tuesday.
There was still a half of an hour to kill so I went in to a foot massage and they scratched my bald spot for 30 minutes. I picked up my shirts at 3 o'clock and I walked back to the Beach Road for a car back to my hotel. Walking back and I finally got a chance to get a picture of the ad on one some of the Song Teaw. Pattaya Beer Garden, Single ladies are welcome.
Hmm, what kind of place is this when the girls prefer to stay along the Beach Promenade instead of going to the Beer Garden. For sure, I will not go and find out.
Coming out on the Beach Road and I was soon sitting in a Song Teaw and I arrived to my hotel at 15:30. I took a quick diet drink and a coffin nail before we left Pattaya.
We made it to my condo in less than 2 hours, and that included a stop so the driver could buy some food.
- I'm very hungry, he told me.
Well, I could not help wondering why he didn't had his food while waiting for me. But never mind, we made it in less than 2 hours.
When I came home I took my shopping bag and I was off to Villa Market to buy onions and tuna. My Tailor called me in Pattaya and told me that my last baseball caps were ready. But when I came out on the street the sky opened up and I had to take a taxi.
Monday 28th of September 2009 and I was 1 hour late out of bed and I had to drink the quickest cup of tea in my life before going to school. I was at school 7 minutes before 10. At 10 o'clock there was no sign of my Teacher, 5 minutes later and still no sign of the Teacher. We started class 10 minutes past the hour.
Today we were only 3 students in my class. One guy from Taiwan, first time studying Thai and it was very slow. We have to spell all the words and he didn't know the Thai script. Well, confusion as always at Walen school.
- Aladdin, you are so good so we will put the other students in their own class.
I don't understand what they mean. I don't mind new people coming. But we have a student that has studied in the class a few months. He knows that we spell all the words and he still don't know the Thai script. Amazing, My friend the Lawyer “Mr. Light lunch” learned the Thai script in 5 days last time in FUNKY TOWN and he is like, yeah, 150 years old. So I would expect a 24 years old to know the script after all this time.
Second lesson and no Teacher 5 minutes past the hour and I took my bag and left. I went to the reception and I got all my paper work to extend my visa for 90 days. So now I have papers to extend my visa for 270 days.
Coming home and I could enjoy my tea and the “TUNA SURPRISE” that I missed this morning. I had not been home for very long when my drunken friend was on my door. He wanted to have a drink and I had to throw him out. Second time in less than a week.
He promised me that he would stay sober for the rest of his life, well, after 2 months it was all back to normal. Not long ago I told him that I would never speak with him again if he started to drink again.
He had been away for 2 minutes when it knocked on the door again. I thought that he was back.
- What the !
But it was a guy that came to test my heat sensors and fire alarm. So now I know that they are working and I can feel a little safer.
Tonight it will be gym and home work and I might take a walk to Foodland to get some seaweed. And my contractor was here to leave the water seals and the worker will come tomorrow morning at 9 o'clock. So I hope that it's ready when I'm back home from school in the afternoon.
I went to the gym, and well, it was evening and a lot of people so I didn't do all of my usual equipment. I will see if I can do a reshuffle with school and gym. Gym in the afternoon and it will be almost empty and I will do all my exercises in a jiff.
School, yeah, I can do my afternoon school in the evening. (If there is time for me) It’s not fun or nice at the gym, but it's darn nice when I'm finished and I walk back home and if I miss gym I will be ridden by agony.
And while talking about agony, my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” really knows how to pep me. Last Saturday when we left the driving range I was in a good mood. I had used one of my golf shirts, and there is a difference. You must allow quality to cost the wee bit extra. Last time leaving the driving range it was like being wrapped in a wet beach towel. But this shirt felt like I just had pulled it on, straight from the dryer.
Well, no hangover and I were in a good mood. It didn't took long before my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” started:
- You spend a lot of money. And you can't have a year off if you're going to lose all your possessions when you are out drinking.
I could not believe my ears and for sure my good mood quickly turned in to agony. And there was nothing stopping him:
- You look like a Christmas tree with all your worldly goods hanging around your neck in strings.
- Yeah-yeah Blah-blah
- It's like stripping the Christmas tree every time you’re out on town
By the time we arrived to the Thai restaurant I felt like I really needed a double dose of valium. Every time my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” opened his mouth it was like he was punching me nose with a big bag of agony.
- Thanks for that!
Tuesday 29th of September 2009 and today they will come to fix the water seals in my guest bathroom. The handy man arrived while I was in the shower and when I came back home from school the guest bathroom was ready. And as always with this contractor it looked good and he only charged me 2300 Bath.
- Hmm, I wonder why the Pattaya Beach boys charge you a fortune for a sloppy work.
Leaving my morning school and I was in a hurry to get to my afternoon school at Soi 11. I ran in to my Italian friend. He is now on the afternoon lessons so we only meet when I leave school and he arrive to school. Well, he was standing there smoking on the walk over between my school and Robinson department store.
I was in a hurry to reach my afternoon school that started in 10 minutes, but I stopped for a coffin nail and a chat with him.
While standing there smoking we had 3 Japanese girls sneaking up on us.
- What's your name?
-Where do you come from?
Obviously this is not the place for 2 handsome lonely Europeans to hang around, at least not if you want to mind your own business. But it turned out to be fun and I was soon forgetting about my afternoon school. And when I extinguished my cigarette I brought out my snus.
- What is that?
- Try, I said.
She took a fist full and put it in to her mouth. And when she started to chew on it we told her that she should not eat it.
- It will make you very sick!
Jaja, Hagge, givetvis frågade dom vad man var för en figur o du vet hur d e. Det lilla rosa kortet kom fram så nu ska d väl ringas här 24-7. Jaja, man lär sig alldrig.
One of my Teachers asked if we wanted to come to a grand opening of a new disco. FREE DRINKS! Well, I have the BLACK SEXY adventure (mishap) fresh in mind and I'm better off staying home doing my home work. And my friend is arriving in the afternoon and we will look for an apartment for him.
And for sure, I can't bring him to the disco. He is younger and he looks better than me.
My friend arrived around 4 o'clock and we were soon on the way to Ratchadapisek Soi 14. My Italian class mate was in a taxi 15 minutes ahead of us. He is also moving in today so now I will have 3 friends living in the same building on Soi 14.
Heavy traffic and it took us about, well, almost 1 hour to reach the apartment building. With a stop for a diet drink and a little looking around and calling my French friend what the the building was called.
Well, turned out that we were standing right outside the building so it was just to step inside the office.
We asked the girl if they had something available. Turned out that they only had 1 bedroom apartments, the 2 bed rooms apartments are all occupied. We got a security guard to show us the apartments and, well, as I told my friend:
- You have to imagine what it will look like when you have carpets, paintings here.
I also suggested that he should throw out the furniture and buy his own. I think he can make it a very nice place. And the price! Only 5000 something per month. He is living on top off the subway station, 2 stations from me. He is surrounded by shopping malls, markets, pubs, discos and there are a lot of young people living in this area.
- You will not have a dull moment around here, I said.
And of course it’s convenient to have 3 friends living at the same place.
Before going to buy bed sheets we stopped at my place so he could transfer money. I took the opportunity to empty the memory card in my camera. And of course, I forgot the memory card in the computer. So I was running around with a camera without any memory card. Luckily enough I had my phone with me. So I was still able to get some high quality pictures.
We bought his stuff at Robinson department store on Sukhumvit and we were soon back at Ratchadapisek with his stuff. I could see that he was a little sceptic about his apartment. But when we visited my French friend he was soon back in good spirit. My French friend's wife had put potted plants and pictures in their apartment. So my friend was happy again.
- I will go shopping tomorrow!
- That's the spirit!
We spent the evening in my French friend's apartment drinking diet drinks and I didn't come home until in the middle of the night. And of course, my friend wanted to go drink beer. I had told him about the grand opening on Soi 11. He asked if I was going to see the Teacher when I left to go back home.
- Are you crazy? I will stay well clear of my Teacher after the SEXY BLACK mishap.
He looked disappointed when I left. When I came home I had to transfer the pictures from my phone to my computer. And I discovered the picture my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” took of me outside central.
He was shocked when he saw me outside the shopping mall.
- Where is your camera?
- I don't have it with me.
- Did you lose your camera again? You have to stop drinking!
- It's in my room.
- So he took a picture with the phone. Of course, my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” plays golf and he is also quality minded so he recognises quality when he see it. And of course, a good quality shirt sticks out like a sour thumb in Pattaya. I mean, the Callaway Golf polo shirt the sell at Mike's Mall is nothing you should mistake for quality.
Wednesday 30th of September 2009 and I had a little trouble getting out of bed this morning. Yeah, it's the same story every morning. OK, I was a wee bit late in bed yesterday due to the “Ratchadapisek” adventure. But when I got to bed I did my homework and I started to read a book. Suddenly it was 3 o'clock.
But I had plenty time for my GOOD MORNING tea and my TUNA SURPRISE before going to school. I arrived to school 10 minutes before the hour and when we finished the school I walked back home preparing myself for my afternoon school.
I will be back to the school that I attended between Soi 21 and 23. They have moved to Soi 18 and we start at 3 o'clock. I will go to school in my gym clothes and I will do my exercise on the way back home. And of course, my gym clothes are straight from the washing machine. Ska fan gå runt o lukta huggorm!
But before we left school I went with my French friend to the office trying to straight out a problem he have. He will go home to visit his family for a month and they told him that they would deduct his hours even if he wasn't in school. But the owner wasn't there so we have to talk with him on Monday.
And, well, I think I can say that we have a mix of everything on www.aladdin.st, action, sport and even pure horror. And we have enough of suspense every Sunday when I check what I have lost during Friday and Saturday. And we even have a ongoing and developing love story.
I was back home 30 minutes after 1 o'clock and I did my homework before changing to my gym clothes. I left for Soi 18 at 14:30 by foot. It took me about 15 minutes to walk there, but I gave it a little extra time just in case it should turn out to be hard to find the school.
When I came to Soi 18 I called my school for directions.
- First soi to the left.
I had time, plenty time, so I returned to pak soi and the 7-11. One bottle of water and one bottle of diet drink.
My new motto “Every second water”
- Hmm, or maybe this was for when I'm on town drinking water??!!
Obviously they got worried at school because when I came out from 7-11 my Teacher was looking down the street after me. And she was smiling when she spotted me. And this is the reason that the SEXY BLACK was the first and last time having a drink with my Teachers. After the SEXY BLACK mishap there isn't very much smiling anymore.
So it was nice to come to a school with Teachers that never seen me drunk. So it was all smile and laughs. And of course, it's better to have a private Teacher. You learn much more than sitting in a class.
Now I have three different schools, two every day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays its 3 schools. Friday it's only my morning school and Saturday and Sunday is off.
And the best thing: My new school is just across the Sukhumvit from the gym so I will go to the gym every day after school.
I finished class at 5 o'clock and I went straight to the gym via an ATM with my Teacher so I could hand her the tutoring fee. But I had been drinking too much water and diet drinks and I forgot to use the bathroom at the school. So when I came to the gym I had to go home after 15 minutes, I was about to piss myself.
My friend arrived just after 7 o'clock. We had discussed the upcoming weekend. I had suggested a tour on a bicycle Saturday morning. And my friend was interested in a tour.
So we called Bangkok By Bike, a Swedish owner and we booked a tour for Saturday morning at
10 o'clock. Bangkok By Bike was recommended to me by our Cook on Tärnvåg. She had taken the tour last time she was in Bangkok.
Well, my friend, fresh in Bangkok wanted to go to New York Steakhouse at Marriott and after that he wanted to go for a few drink.
- Are you crazy!!?? And on Friday it will be home work so we can get up in the morning. We have to be at Bangkok By Bike at 10 o'clock.
So I suggested that we should go buy some stuff for his apartment and we took off to Carrefour. My friend spent 10,000 Baht and I told him that this is what he would have spent drinking.
- But now you wake up tomorrow, no hangover and you have plenty stuff for your apartment.
And I cannot have people like this in Bangkok. Sitting at my kitchen table wanting to go to restaurants and go drinking beer every day. I'M ON DIET! And I was so
disappointed when my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” looked up wine on the internet and showed me how much calories there was in white wine. One night drinking white wine and I get more calories than I have had in all my “TUNA SURPRISES” together during the school week.
I have always been under the impression that wine was like drinking wine. What a disappointment! But Saturday its Bangkok By Bike so that means that I have to stay home Friday night and thus I will doge thousands of calories.
- Hmm, but I guess me and my friend will have plenty beer stops during the tour. And we finish the tour close to Khaosan Road so we might spend the night over there.
But of course, having my friend here is not only bad news. When we left Carrefour I told him that there is a driving range just around the corner.
- Golf is fun, he said.
- Yeah, we can go practise on the weekends, I said.
We can practise and when we're good enough we can go to Pattaya and take on my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” on the golf course. And my friend “Mr. Pattaya People Man” will be happy. He really wants’ me to start with the golf so we can play together.
- But it will be boring for you to play with me, I can't play.
- No it will be fun. It's always fun to teach someone.
OK, yet another page blown out of all proportions. So I will change page and we can save a little on the down loading time. So hang on!